[Zeppelina]

I just read this article on Daily Life:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views...0211-2e7gi.html

I want to speak up more, desperately. But I'm always at a loss for what to say. I'm kinda new to this ardent feminist thing (thank you EB for opening my eyes)! Can any of you more experienced (for want of a better word) ladies help with how I/other women can speak up more, how we can respond to the everyday kinds of sexism and misogyny we are presented with? And how do we respond and deal with those typical "you just need a good root" comments that we then get? I mean specific responses, if possible!

[Dinosaurus]

OK,

Firstly I have to say is "you need a good root" really typical? I am shocked and appalled and I thought i knew some sexist gits!

If anyone said that to me they would cop a gob full of abuse before I even had time to analyse if the comment was sexist!

Anyway:

If someone is outright sexist (male or female) I call them on it specifically - if someone I don't know (well) puts their hand on me in an unassuming manner (middle of the back, shoulder etc) I ask them to remove their hand and ask them if they would do that to a man.

If someone accuses me of having PMT I tell them I havent had a period in nearly 4 years so it must just be that Im p*ssed off - like a man.

If someone calls me honey, darling, love (oh that makes me shudder) I simply ask them not to. Again if necessary i ask if they would do the same thing to a man.

If someone says that you should promote on ability not gender and women shouldn't have women specific positions I tell them men got promoted on gender for a couple of thousand years - let us have a go (I specifically said this to my dad, in fact I have specifically said most of the above to him among others!)

When its something seemingly gender specific I tell them its not - for example I love, love, love girly pink frilly sparkly things. LOVE them. This is not because I am female but because i like them.

When anyone dares say anything to my sons about being men or not being girls, or throwing like a girl or...blah blah blah. depending on the level of anger at the time I will either make a crack about how awesome girls/women are at whatever thing it is, ask them why they think that is a bad thing, tell them it's better than growing up to be a sexist d***head or get worse than that.

If some deadbeat mechanic tries to talk to my DH instead of me he is very quick to tell them to talk to me because he doesn't know the first thing about cars. If DH is not there I will tell them myself, tell them i wont be buying from them and tell them why. I will then email the manager.

A friend recently emailed a magazine editor about a (very) sexist piece of "reporting" and got him very excited when he responded to her with all sorts of threats.

I have often complained to people who can or should listen about discrimination. I have spoken up in 3 work places, I have written to managers, companies, magazines, Mia Freedman (no, really) and others about everything that is WRONG with their view

In short I ask myself "is this happening because i am female" and if it is I try to do something about it.

It's quite difficult at times (especially in the work place) but I've had a lot of practice and Im good at it now. Trust me, i was a nervous 'girly' wreck when I first started practicing my roar - it's gotten louder and more attuned with time and use.

I'm still in shock about the root comment. I think I've been living under a rock.

Good on you for getting active OP, the world needs more active people.

Oh, and on the assumption Bettlebop will post soon i will just agree with everything she says because she is rOARsome.

[Ehubrydd]

And how do we respond and deal with those typical "you just need a good root" comments that we then get? I mean specific responses, if possible!

Any man who says something like this is demonstrating his lack of ability -inability to debate a woman and probably his inability to be a 'good root' himself.

As tempting as it may be to respond in kind, I think it is best to be calm and measured in your response. The most important thing is to know what you think and have clear and logical reasons to back up your opinions. Voice your opinion and don't take the opinions of idiots personally.

I suspect that the attitudes described in the article you linked are probably more likely to be voiced to someone who is in the position of the author of that article, whose work is directly relevant to feminism. The majority of us will probably only be challenging less vocal opponents.

[Sif]

When its something seemingly gender specific I tell them its not - for example I love, love, love girly pink frilly sparkly things. LOVE them. This is not because I am female but because i like them.

Sorry, couldn't get past this... I'm going to call you out on being sexist. Why are you suggesting that pink, frilly and sparkly is 'girly'? Engendering pink, frilly and sparkly is rather sexist. I'm as saying this a mum of four boys who have all worn pink, frilly and sparkly from time to time - not as dress up.

[Z-girls rock]

meh. I have let go of the idea that everyone will like me and think I am a 'fun' person.

I speak up about a lot of things. Polite people will call me 'forthright'

Other people wont have any fun if they say something;

• sexsist
• racist
• homophobic
• that derides the poor
• that in any way makes fun of cruely to animals

around me. they will be pulled up.

Some will be surprised - especially if they are my mother in law.

but so what. When your right your right. who cares if someone with low moral standards thinks that you are a bit brazen because you call them out on their B*llSh*t.

I love this quote from Martin Luther King Jr:

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., I Have a Dream: Writings and Speeches That Changed the World

Good on you for wanting to speak up OP. I think letting go of the idea (or the socially driven dogma) that as a woman you have to be 'nice', 'friendly' and 'likeable' all the time is a good way to start your quest.
just let go. be truthfull to your beliefs. people will respect your opinions.

[Pooks*potters]

"why would you say that?" is often a good one.

[Dinosaurus]

Sorry, couldn't get past this... I'm going to call you out on being sexist. Why are you suggesting that pink, frilly and sparkly is 'girly'? Engendering pink, frilly and sparkly is rather sexist. I'm as saying this a mum of four boys who have all worn pink, frilly and sparkly from time to time - not as dress up.

the whole post is about what I say when other people speak to me but you thought this one was something I thought myself? And my response was to whom? the mirror?

No, pink is not girly - that is exactly what I said. I don't like it because I am a girl. I like it because it's pink. And frilly. and hopefully sparkly. Although i like any colour that is sparkly. Except yellow - yellow does not look good sparkly.

[Zeppelina]

Firstly I have to say is "you need a good root" really typical? I am shocked and appalled and I thought i knew some sexist gits!

If anyone said that to me they would cop a gob full of abuse before I even had time to analyse if the comment was sexist!

I'm not sure that anyone has ever said it to me personally, but I know at least two of my friends have copped that line or similar, and I've read it enough times online in the comments sections of various articles.

Anyway, thank you SO much for your post. Your suggestions are exactly the sort of stuff I was hoping for. Now I just need to practice so that I can say these things calmly and confidently, rather than defensively or not at all.

[Zeppelina]

meh. I have let go of the idea that everyone will like me and think I am a 'fun' person.

Good on you for wanting to speak up OP. I think letting go of the idea (or the socially driven dogma) that as a woman you have to be 'nice', 'friendly' and 'likeable' all the time is a good way to start your quest.
just let go. be truthfull to your beliefs. people will respect your opinions.

I think you've hit the nail on the head for me with these two comments. That's exactly it - I hate (and have always hated) the idea of people thinking that I'm not a 'fun' person. I guess I really need to acknowledge to myself that I am a fun person where it counts, but that it's still okay to take important stuff very seriously. And yes, I definitely feel like I have to be nice, friendly, likeable, (or other adjectives like agreeable, passive, helpful), and I find it very difficult to let go of this social-conditioning, especially with close friends and especially with my dad!

[Chaos in stereo]

If you're quick-witted enough (which I never am) - I think the best response is a bit of humour at the offender's expense. They can't call you a b**ch if you're just having a bit of fun, can they? Because the usual defence of this type of stuff is usually "I'm only joking, don't you have a sense of humour?".

It undermines sexist pigs if you can be funny and cutting but you might have to think up some witty retorts in advance that you can pull out in case of emergency.