[RunDMC]

Please do not quote post as I am feeling vunerable to how much information is here about me it is not something that I usually share and I may want to delete it later.

In January the midwife updated my due date to 18 May, I did not say anything at the time but it is the anniversary of my brothers death, he was 11 when he died. The whole week is crap really as it is the anniversary of my Dads death on the 16th and his birthday on the 14th

Over the last few weeks I have been back and forward over how I feel about it, rationally I think it is all about having a healthily baby, and that I will deal with it.

Emotionally I swing all over the place. There is a part of me that wonders if I will feel guilty at being happy on this day. Or if my child will feel the sadness that I feel on this day.

Mostly if I think about it I end up crying. I wonder if the crying is pregnancy hormones and still dealing with my mums death in Sept last year.I have successfully spent some time in counselling come to terms with my father and brothers death which happened 25 years ago. I pulled myself up from my boot strings and went out in the world in a way I know would have made my dad proud.

My DS arrived exactly on his due date which is incidentally 28 May. There was some anxiousness as we passed each anniversary. Before the change of my current due date I was worried about it being too close to DS.

So here are the questions I have:

Do you or one of your LO have a birthday on someone's anniversary? How do you/they feel about it, is there something you do to seperate it/ honour it?

I have an appointment with the doctors clinic tomorrow is this something I should tell him? I really do not want to come across as a mental case. (which I will as I cry at tv commercials at the moment!) and they have still not accepted me to the hospital yet (low risk hospital)

Is there anything I can do to encourage an early birth? Should I think about doing that or just let nature take its course.

Thanks

[Oma Desala]

I was 'due' the day after my uncles birthday (he committed suicide 15 years ago)and like most pregnancies I didn't have DS till well after then at 40+9. I can certainly understand the anxiety you must be feeling when you don't know exactly when you'll birth but I personally wouldn't be doing anything to encourage labour before you're 40 weeks as it will most likely just add to your anxiety as the anniversary dates get closer. Instead I would take comfort in the fact that most babies come after their due date. Having said that I would still mention it and ask that it be noted in your file so that the hospital staff can understand your concerns and offer extra counseling should you go early on one of those dates.

This post has been edited by Oma Desala: 11/02/2013, 04:30 PM

[Sofia*]

I can see how hard that would be for you OP, anniversaries are hard to deal with and having something so happy coming on such a sad day - there's a real conflict there.

But, you know, if it was me, part of me would be hoping the baby did come on one of those special days because it makes a link between the generations, so even though your dad and brother aren't there to hold your precious new baby, it's as though they are reaching out from the past to support you as the new generation begins.

I hope that doesn't seem way too weird, but that's the way I see it.

[MARsmum]

I lost a baby after I had DD1. I then fell pregnant with DD2 and she was due a week or so after the anniversary of losing my baby. However, I had to have an early induction and was initally given a date a few days before the anniversary however was bumped and rescheduled for the day I lost my baby! I was really anxious about this and had a really negative connection to the date. I really didn't want it to be my DD's birthday. However, now I feel completely different. What was a negative date is now a really happy date. It is now DD's birthday and the sadness connected to the day is gone!

Good luck and I HTH!

[leftwrightout]

You poor thing. It sounds like you've been through so much. Hopefully you won't wind up having your baby on an anniversary, but if you do, you'll learn how to approach the day with a mix of sadness and joy.

I would definitely tell your doctor. He is there to support you through your journey - this is clearly a major issue and I think he needs to know to support you properly. Don't worry about coming across as a mental case! He's a health professional, and I'm positive he'll have had many women cry in their appointments with him.

Please be kind to yourself...I hope you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy!

[Clare L]

Hi OP,

I can understand why you'd be feeling anxious about this.

I was born two years to the day that my grandfather died. For my family, it changed the meaning of the day to something more positive

If you feel comfortable, tell your caregiver. They are there to support you,

Clare
xx

[in(s)ane]

Would you consider an induction the week prior? In any case I think your anxiety is something that should be discussed with your caregivers.

DD (who had known medical problems) was going to be born via c-section on my birthday, they actually brought the c-section date forward a week because there was such a huge risk she would die immediately after birth and I was very upset and anxious about it. No-one thought it was silly when I confided my fears, they just took it into account when treating us both.

[cattivo lupo]

Definitely tell your care providers. It's ok that you feel vulnerable, you've been through a lot , a lot of big, sad things. I hope that it works out for you as it did for the PP (MARSmum).

Take care

[aussierach]

not the same thing but with my first son my OB schedualed his c-sect for the 3rd anniversary of my daughters birth and death, I was so shocked while in the office I didn't say anthing when we got to the car I broke down and was inconsolable took me 1/2 hr or so to calm down // and then I decided to accept this as maybe it was somehow my little girls way of saying its ok to be happy ... in the end he was born 2 days after her bday and while I still have a sad day in sept I also have a day to look forward too

best of luck

[Lyra]

My uncle died in a farm accident when he was about four-ish. It was a particularly awful death for my mother as she found him My youngest brother's due date was for the date of this death and she was due to have an induction the week prior so as to not have the baby on that day. As it was she went into labour anyway and it was all avoided

I am so sorry that you are going through this and I don't think you are being silly at all. Best of luck with everything xxxx