[kpingitquiet]

A few months ago, a new little boy moved onto our street. He's a sweet kid, just starting Yr 4 at school. Our street is loaded with kids his age, most of whom he already knew from school, and he is fairly regularly seen playing with a boy next door to us.

Our daughter is 2-years-old and has playtime at the playground across the street, with her dad, a few afternoons per week. She's gotten on chummy terms with all the local kids and this one has taken a particular shine to her and is one of the few people she greets with a hug, being the reticent little girl she is. It's very sweet. This is not the problem.

The problem is that the kids next door are often busy doing family things, or activities (martial arts, dancing, sports, etc) and aren't always available to play. So, several days in a row, up to 3 times one day, we get a knock on our door from this boy asking to come in or if our daughter can play. The first time, he lucked out and it was her normal outdoor playtime. But I honestly got the impression he'd rather have come in and hung out with all of us, rather than just some playground time with kiddo. That was Friday. Saturday and Sunday he came over several times, each day, and asked if he could hang out/play. Unfortunately, these were during her nap, dinnertime, bathtime, etc. Both my husband and I, separately, told him weekends weren't the best and he could come back Monday. He didn't take the tip and it's not the first time he's frequented our doorstep.

I've never met his parents. Husband has seen his mother once or twice and didn't get a warm impression. His father has a job that takes him out of state most of the time and mom is SAH. He has an older sister but no siblings close to his age. I really feel for the kid. He's very sweet. But, seriously, kiddo is 2, not 10. She has different abilities and availability than an older child. We don't have a problem with them playing together, occasionally, but I'm really not sure how to handle his obvious loneliness when it's really getting kind of obnoxious.

What would you do? My inner RAWR wants to go whack his mother with a clue-by-four but I know that's not the most useful instinct.

[MissingInAction]

i have no idea how to help but will be interested in the replies.

There's a young girl in my neighbourhood (she's about 7) who has decided she idolises me and that we're best friends (note: I am 20+ years her senior). Which was cute for a while where she would just come and have a chat with me outside but she then went a little too far for my liking and kept hijacking my friends visits to my house like she hasn't been taught to respect boundaries too well or something
Eg: my (grown, adult) friend came over and had just rung the doorbell. I opened the door, greeted my friend and Young Girl raced into my yard and started talking to me as if my friend weren't there. I'd barely had a chance to greet my friend, had no idea whether everything was alright (it was a spontaneous visit) and Young Girl awkwardly made herself right at home smack in the middle of my grown friend and I. Not a one-off. She's done it to DH & his friends and I as well. She's a great kid, just... needs to learn boundaries and when cute turns annoying!!

[**BOOM**]

I'd go over & introduce myself to the parents. Go knock on their door & formally introduce myself.

Then I would say how friendly their little boy is & that it's great he loves to play with your daughter but you need to set some times & boundaries of when he can come over given she is only 2.

Or maybe ask them over of a drink or afternoon tea.

This can all be done in a very kind manner. If you get a frosty response then I would have to consider weather he should be coming over at all.

I wouldn't feel comfortable having a kid in my house to hang out if I have never met the parents.

[kpingitquiet]

Any tips for someone who is a bit shy, for want of a better term, to handle this? LOL -- The idea of going over to a stranger's house to chat about the kid, even in the most friendly of manners, fills me with dread.

[Dinosaurus]

Find neutral ground if you can - do either parent go to thenpark with him ever?

Or you could try and be as blunt as possible with the kid - say I don't want you knocking on our door unless we invite you Iverson but we are happy to see you in the park.

I was that kid around a similar age but adored a family fri3nd who lived nearby. I dropped in once because she was out the front and stopped to talk to me (I would never of had the guts to initiate conversation). Anyway, I missed all the cues including my mum saying "are you sure X doesn't mind you around there, I think it would be better if you only saw her whenwe get together" and me saying "noooo, she loves me!"

Apparently not when she eventually raised it with my step mother, who then told me that I was visiting Tokyo often and maybe I could drool it back to about once a month I was so humiliated not only did I never knock on her door again I never joined in mutual family activities ever again - I haven't spoken to her since and I'm not nearly 40!

That's probably not helpful, my point is the parents may be telling him not to annoy you and he genuinely doesn't think you mind. If you can find a way to deal with him one on one in a manner he can understand without feeding embarrassed then it would be better for him.

Good luck

ETA - stupid iPad autocorrect function, too many mistakes to fix.

This post has been edited by Dinosaurus: 11/02/2013, 10:59 AM

[lucky 2]

Sounds like he is lacking company and is not happy being home all the time.
I wonder if he has any activities, if they (parents have organised any) for the weekend. Sounds like he needs it.
May be he has absent or non-engaged parents, physically and ? emotionally (even if the mum is a SAHM).
Sounds like a difficult situation but I would not like to have a child in my house until I'd met the parent/s and they knew where he/she was, for my safety sake.
I can see how they can just run in, it happened to us when we lived in high density housing areas but when that has happened I have gone outside quickly and found the parent.
It's never happend in a street and I wouldn't feel comfortable about it.

[JustBeige]

He sounds lonely and possibly lacking good adult modelling.

Having said that, I would just be blunt about the times he can hang out. If you feel so inclined, maybe taking both kiddos to the park one afternoon a week or something. it may also give you some insight into his life.

Otherwise, I would just keep gently saying no and reminding him that she is only 2.

[sakura73]

I came in worrying this was going to be a thread about my DSS, who is 8 and a bit lonely and is just starting to try and make some friends in our new area on the days he is with us. I suspect he would also be likely to want to play with a sweet 2 year old rather than the rough and tumble of kids his own age, and might wear out his welcome.

So, please, whatever you do, take care if you can of that little boy's feelings so he doesn't feel humiliated as I am sure my DSS would be if someone told him not to come over too soon.

[kadoodle]

As someone who's been the "neighbourhood drop in centre" for local kids, I would advise you to make contact with the parents/grown up in charge if possible. Just introduce yourself and make sure you're on the same page with this kid wandering over. I've known quite a few parents who just tell their kids to head off and play and are totally unaware that their child is making themselves at home with the neighbour.

Set a day and time that works for you. A park will be less intrusive than your house. If that's not an option, put the kid to work. I once managed to get some neighbourhood kids to help landscape my garden over a summer holiday. I supervised and provided the icy poles, they dug, raked, pulled weeds and put in plants and mulch.

[Gembac8019]

Has he met the rest of the kids in the street/ neighbourhood?