[Jax12]

I posted a few times in the Chrissie Swan thread and as bad as I feel for her as a person I am finding it really difficult to separate my judgement of that particular behaviour because it's something I feel so strongly about.

To paraphrase from my last post on the matter...

As much as we *shouldn't* judge others as we all are flawed individuals (trust me, I am so far from perfect I'd be too embarrassed to start listing all the sources of my mother's guilt) is it wrong that when a person engages in an activity that is in such opposition to a fundamental value of yours, that you judge them? Isn't that how we make sense of the world and figure out what's right or wrong to us? When I say judge, I am referring to thoughts you keep to yourself at the time and not nasty comments or evil looks in the person's direction.

For those who say not to judge others, can you turn this off at will?

When you see an unsupervised toddler at the pool or beach, someone texting while driving, a pregnant woman smoking, an able bodied person using a disabled toilet, a 1 year old's smashing back a coke...or whatever it may be that really challenges a belief, value or attitude of yours, how do you turn the judgement off?

Yes, I know, focus on your own life, your own kids, mind your own business...but there are some subjects that I feel so strongly about that I can't seem to stop myself reacting passionately.

Would love to hear from others who are less judgey than me, as I truly am trying to work on this.

[~Supernova~]

We all judge, it is human nature. But unless something is clearly dangerous, I keep my opinions to myself. It's not my life, they aren't my kids, and I am far from perfect myself.

At the moment I judge everyday when I take DD to school and see multiple parents smoking in cars with little kids, makes my goddamn blood boil (and I'm a smoker). Does anyone know the legalities on this in QLD btw?

And I really feel for Chrissie Swan, I was in her exact position. I ended up kicking it, but until then spent every day in tears, a miserable guilty mess that this addiction was so strong that my love for my unborn baby was not enough. Horrible, horrible time. Oddly enough, I still judge it when I see it, but in my head if you truly WANTED to quit, you wouldn't be brazenly wandering the mall 7mths pregnant with a fag hanging out of your mouth. I hid at home and did it, such was my deep shame. I knew it was wrong, wrong, wrong. Even now I never take my smokes when I am anywhere with the kids. They don't deserve to be exposed to my filthy habit.

[lozoodle]

I think its human nature to judge, we all do it. I just try to do it inwardly and not say anything. Im sure plenty of people judge me for whatever reason and thats fine, we are all entitled to our own opinions.

[tres-chic]

For me it's this simple:

Judge maybe. Condemn no.

Yes if you're honest you are going have some immediate reactions to situations you observe, good and bad.

But I subscribe to the view that most people are good. Most people try so hard and deserve at least the benefit of the doubt and support and help if I am in a position to give it.

Just seems the height of ignorance to start screeching in moral judgment about things I don't understand just because someone's on TV.

[tamjk]

Everybody judges.

The trick is not letting it create a permanent opinion of someone. It's more a case of don't let judging crowd your judgement.

[krich78]

To judge is human. To forgive Devine!
We all judge. I wouldn't worry about it. Best you can do is ensure you only act appropriately.

[lifehacker]

Yep, we all judge it's in our nature, I just try to remind myself when I am judging how imperfect I am, I take myself to a time when I have done less than perfect, remember the reasons behind why I was not making perfect choices at that time and then remember that the person I am judging could be going through any number of things.
People do change and grow and "when they know better, they do better" Generally.

In more personal relationships I try to give people chances and opportunities to change and grow. Trying to educate people is much healthier than getting all worked up so sometimes just a friendly word to someone sews a seed and can be the catalyst for change, because really when someone is making a less than perfect choice what we really want the outcome to be is that they realise and do better. We don't want them to feel totally crap as a human being and end up doing worse.



This post has been edited by lifehacker: 07/02/2013, 06:12 AM

[BadCat]

I like judging.

What I try not to do is let a single issue form my entire opinion of a person. People are complex and the same person who acts poorly in instance A may be a shining example of humanity in instance B.

I guess it's like what you do with your kids. Hate the behaviour not the person.

Not that I never let one incident form my entire opinion of someone. Someone like Martin Bryant would be an example of that.

[hm6]

Think of the one bad thing that you do as a person/parent that you would like to change and that usually reminds me not to judge others. You can still have an opinion on something - like smoking when pg - but the old saying people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and as none of us are perfect nor have anyone of us finished our journey as a parent then we need to bear it mind before we judge others.

[axiomae]

Agree with PPs - everyone judges, it's how you express that judgement that can be harmful. For me, it's a vent with DP as we take the baby and the dog for our afternoon walk - "You won't believe what I saw today!" - kind of thing. I'd never let another person know I was judging them, because it's not helpful, and my snap judgement based on one moment is just that - not a true reflection of a whole person or their circumstances.