[veggiepatchfamil...]

I saw the CNHN today for DS1s 3.5 yo assessment. To put it frankly- he failed!!
He couldn't do the copying drawing stuff she asked, couldn't count to 10.
She did a further assessment and said that 71 us the 'pass' mark. He got 45.
She has sent a referal away to a team for assessment.

I am feeling absolutely terrible!!!!! I feel like the worst mum ever.

We read stories every night and play games but he doesn't seem to be sble to get his head around it all.
He knows 1,2,3 and circles and triangles but that's it.
When we read stories and sing songs he knows he can say the correct words etc from memory.
He does have trouble listening and concentrating with tasks but I would not have thought it was more then a normal 3 year old.

He didn't know his middle or last name, any colours (everything used to been blue, then green, now black), he couldn't draw the same shapes as her.
He said the picture was "feets" not feet, and "mouses" not mice.
He couldn't repeat after her.

I know he is bad at all these things so I try every day with him, but I didn't think he was so bad until he was tested.

Obviously his not getting it in his own time with just play teaching, so do I need to set times out each day to school him to learn?

I feel I am a clever enough person and I study and learn well. I am having trouble with the idea that he is so far behind. I feel like I will be labeled as a bad mum who doesn't spend enough time with him working on it!!!

Does anyone know the path from here? What will this 'team' do? She said they will come and play games with and assess him in our home... Then what?


(Please don't get on here and tell me how your 2 year old can count to 200, knows all her colours and shapes and speaks 3 languages as I'm just not able to hear that right now).

[wallofdodo]

Not sure what the path is from here, but I just wanted to say, that is why the tests are there, to pick these things up. You are not a development expert, and isn't it great that he hasn't fallen through the cracks?

Good luck, and don't beat yourself up.

[jayskette]

I know a 5yo who just started kindy this year. He can count to 5, say A B and C, recognises the short form of his name but not his proper name, cannot write any letters...

[nicknick]

Sorry OP to hear that, but you sound very far from a terrible mum. My DS has speech delay and has been seeing a speech therapist since 18 months (now 3). At first I felt the same, I had failed him and it was my fault. It wasn't until I started speech therapy that it changed and I was much more positive that was a good mum for doing that and helping him work through it, he just needs a little help and that's ok. Your son will get there, they all learn differently and if he needs a little help then thats ok and it shows what a wonderful mum you are to be giving him everything he needs.

[mummy2amelia]

Does anyone know the path from here? What will this 'team' do? She said they will come and play games with and assess him in our home... Then what?

They will tell you what you can do to help him.

[JuniorSpies]

Please don't beat yourself up until you know what is going on. It could be something minor that has nothing to do with you. All we do is read and play. You're not meant to be his teacher and you've done the right thing by taking him along for his check.
Best of luck

[AvadaKedavra]

Oh hun.

This is NOT your fault.

The Brigance (which is what the test is called) is a screening test. It IS heavily influenced by culture etc (like all standardized tests are) but it is designed for kids who are NOT specifically taught stuff. The idea is that (and this may be hard to hear) even without specific 'schooling' most kids at 3.5 will know their name, or their colours, or can make a stack of blocks, or will have picked up correct tenses. If they have not, then there may be something going on - whether that be hearing issues, developmental delay, challenging home situation, whatever (not saying any of this applies to you).

It may well be the case that no matter how much you 'taught' him, that this is the result he would have gotten. And it's not a failing on your part that you didn't notice - he's your beautiful boy and he's 'normal' to you (as he should be!). The whole reason MCHN are trained in the Brigance is to work out which children might need some extra help in one or more areas.

This is not about you being a good or bad parent - this is about one single test which has suggested that perhaps your child needs further assessment to work out what's going on, and maybe he and yor whole family need some help from people higgy trained in this sort of thing to ultimately create a scenario where your child can fulfill his whole potential.

Please call the MCHN tomorrow and ask all your questions. In my experience, most are happy to have an extra appointment and chat to you about what this all means.

Good luck. I hope it all turns out ok.

[jantastic]

You're not a failure! He's going to have an Early Intervention team, not a "team of experts" - you've been able to see that things aren't clicking for him, but haven't known what to do. Now, you're going to have people trained in development helping your son to figure these things out.

My son has early intervention therapies and they are wonderful.
The best part of it is that they teach ME what to do with him as well. The difference is amazing.

I still find it hard to know when my DS is ahead or behind his peers, as he just seems 'normal' to me (other than his obvious gross motor skill delay).

I think that it's wonderful that you're so on the ball and have taken him to the appointment where any issues have been identified. It sounds like he's not too far behind, and hopefully he'll respond brilliantly to EI.

[Therese]

Please don't feel like a terrible mother, you are not one. These tests are there so they can offer you help where it is needed.

Good luck.

[Williamstown Mum]

The thing they forget with some of the standardised testing is that kids develop at their own rate! They will give him help if he needs it, but really, he's 3!! Give him time and he'll be great