[Sassy Dingo]

Some of you may remember a topic was posted a week or so ago, there was a link to an article written by a SN mum. Her son had Down's Syndrome and ADHD (from memory). It was a sort of dos and don'ts for people commenting/noticing her son.

One of her points was stop your children staring and to answer their questions if they ask.

I'm not in this position yet (no 1 hasn't yet arrived) but I've been thinking of what I would say to future child (FC)in that situation.

I have come up with a few scenarios which I think would be appropriate, but I'm struggling to think of what I would say for a SN child (I'm assuming here that the person being pointed out is in ear shot):

*Seeing 2 men/2 women holding hands
FC: Why are those 2 men/ladies holding hands/kissing etc?
Me: You have a mummy and a daddy, some families have 2 daddies and some have 2 mummies

*Seeing first black person/indian/asian or another racial mix
FC: Mum, why is that person black?
Me: People come in all sorts of colours, isn't that nice? Only white would get boring wouldn't you think?

*Seeing person in wheelchair
FC: Mum, why is that person in a moving chair? What's wrong with them?
Me: Some people's legs don't work properly, so they use a chair with wheels to get around.

I'm struggling to think of what I would say if future child commented on someone with DS - I'm assuming it would be the features that would prompt a comment. I can't really think of a way that is simple to understand (without mentioning chromosones etc) but I don't really want to say that they're different or imply that there is something wrong with that person.

Same problem with a child with behavioural problems having a meltdown or something. Would "Some children get overexcited/overwhelmed and act out when they're upset" be ok? What if they just noticed that their friend at school was just a bit different - such as with ASD or a related disorder?

So EB, how would you/have you dealt with questions regarding a child noticing SN?

[jantastic]

I don't mean to be rude... but I think you're overthinking things a bit.

[Nataliah]

I think its a great thing to be thinking about, I'd be interested in people's thoughts too.

[Sinister Bonnet]

It's a very privileged position you are assuming there, OP, after all there's no guarantee your child won't have SN.

And yes, overthinking it. Some kids don't ask those questions because it's just their normal. I've never had to explain same sex couple FE as my kids grew up with that as normal.

[Alpha_Chook]

We were at the shops one day and there was a lady in a motorised wheelchair type thing....>Eamon looked then said out loud "I need that one mummy, it goes faster than my pram"

There was a Sudanese gentleman in Woolies one day and Eamon goes "Mummy, that mans brown, like chocolate", poor guy couldn't get away quick enough

[lynnemine]

My DD's have lots of carers of different nationalities at their daycare. They don't notice the difference. People are people to them.

DD's have seen people in wheelchairs - when 3, DD1 asked "how come that man gets to sit down and I have to walk. I want a chair with wheels too." I simply said "he has to use the chair because his legs don't work, yours do so you have to walk". No more questions, re why they didn't work.

People of the same sex holding hands DOES.NOT.REGISTER. to them. Again - those are adult concepts. DD2 has a boy with 2 dads in her class. Some of the kids have no dad. To her it's the same as having 2 grandparents or 2 aunties.

They HAVE noticed a few children here and there who are very obviously disabled and when they question, I answer simply.
ie a child being fed through a nasal tube - "that is how he gets his food, because he can't eat". "why, Mummy?" "because that is the way he was made". Similar answer for disabled child, I said "he is just acting that way because he has hurt his brain and doesn't know it isn't right".

They usually don't question differences to be honest.

ETA - They did once comment on a very, very dark skinned man who they literally ran into - he was very tall and skinny, so I assume quite imposing to someone less than 1m tall. I just again said "that is the way he was made".

This post has been edited by lynnemine: 04/02/2013, 08:19 PM

[BellaMoja]

I was at the hospital or hospitidal as my 2yo dd says and she noticed a man who was covered in a black burns suit, head to toe.

DD said "whats that mummy?" unfortunately he was in ear shot in the waiting room. I said "it's a man" softly praying he wouldn't hear. I tried to distract her with my phone but she kept looking and asking me. I was sad for him but wasn't sure what else to say to stop her asking me.

Any ideas?

[2bundles]

I'm with Balzac. Thinking about what to say about another child's bad behaviour....umm maybe that will be your child.

If I have to answer, I will tell you that I have answered my kids with something along the lines of "some kid's brains work a little differently" or "some kids don't cope well with being at the supermarket/shop/park etc", "everyone is good at something and everyone has things they are not so good at".

[2bundles]

Bellamojo - why didn't you tell her it was a burns suit to help his skin heal?

[firstatforty]

My son has aytism and speech problems. He's only 5 and ask all sorts of questions about everyone he sees. I'm trying to teach him that people are not strange, just different and the world is made up of lots of different people. Also because we are different we do things for different reasons.