[whoha]

Deleted, sorry


This post has been edited by mrsbeer: 04/02/2013, 07:15 PM

[Jax12]

I'm sorry I don't have any personal knowledge on the subject, but it's a huge decision. I would sit with your DH and go through all these questions and concerns and write them down. I think it's entirely appropriate for you to take your time in considering this request and have a meeting with your friends and go through each point in detail until you are satisfied with the agreement. Your friends should undertand that you need to have clear boundaries and guidelines before going into this. FWIW I would definitely have a legal contract drawn up stipulating the terms and conditions of the donation if that's an option. Good luck and I think the fact the you and your DH are considering this request is really lovely. I'm not sure how I would feel.

[katpaws]

we wouldn't have any financial responsibity towards the child

I think that you may find that this is not correct. There have been a few court cases recently where sperm donors who had certain agreements with the biological mother that did not hold up in later years (ie financial responsibility).

Will you be telling your children they have a half sibling?

[Sunnycat]

It is my understanding if you go through a clinic and not do it at home then your DH will not have any financial obligation to the child. (at least that's how it is here in WA).

The rest, I can't comment on.

[alwayshappy]

huge decision with life long consequences. Do lots of reading, ask lots of questions and be thinking long term - 5 years, 15 years, 25 years... and the implication for you, your DH and your kids. Be really clear that there will be implications for your children (f you have them) in the future and the way you perceive the donation may not be the way they do.

[bailee]

My understanding is that if she is using IVF or other assisted reproduction, that he would need to attend the clinic (and you as his partner) and go through all the paperwork to list him as a known donor. I know someone who did this. If not I think legally they are considered the father and will be considered legally responsible (well at least as far as child support & Centrelink are concerned) If you go through the clinic then at least you will get counseling to help you ensure that it is the right decision for you both. Personally, as someone who has been through it, I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't want to use a clinic and make it all 'official'.

[Dinosaurus]

Honestly is the friendship good enough to survive any outcome?

You say no, what happens?

You say yes:

Full medical history of your DH is disclosed,

They still want to go ahead.

Baby is healthy, loved, wanted. Then what?

Baby is not healthy...

Couple divorce...

Sorry you are obviously taking this seriously, I would think even with a legal document waiving child support the Court could still rule it must be paid - it's not like he doesn't' know exactly what is happening - it's different to anonymous donation, and as PP said, some courts see it that way.

I would be saying no to everyone except a sibling, even then I'd have a really hard think about it.

Too hard basket - good luck with your decision.

[Mamabear2010]

It's a tough decision. I think the recent court case related to a case where the couples hadn't used a clinic. It was something they'd arranged privately.

I thought if you were donating to a known couple, then the clinic would require you to have some counselling. I also thought that the clinic would want you to have finished your own family first.

I'm sure other more knowledgeable ebers will come in and give you some advice. Good luck.

[whoha]

Thanks for reply, this is more complicated than what's in my mind. I hope
Dh will make a good decision.

[roses99]

I disagree with you that it is your DH's decision. You are partners and this will affect you. Your DH will be fathering a child with a close friend. Your children will have a half sibling. It IS a very big deal. You also need to factor in emotional connections. Will the child be told that your DH is his/her father?

ETA: I think it goes the other way too. If I wanted to donate my eggs, any decision to go ahead would have to be with my hisband's agreement. I think something like this needs to be a joint decision. If you aren't both 100% on board, the status quo remains.




This post has been edited by roses99: 04/02/2013, 02:23 PM