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Help with DH Please!
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02/02/2013, 04:25 PM
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Posts: 5
Joined: 9-April 12
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New Member
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Hi all,
I am a long time stalker, very infrequent poster (but a big fan of EB). I'm wondering if you can help me with my problem.
I had a beautiful DD four months ago, my first, and it has changed my life quite considerably. My difficulty lies with my husband now doing almost no housework.
DH and I work in the same industry, very demanding (stressful and time consuming). He usually goes to work around 8am and is home by about 6:30pm. He usually also has a few hours of work to do on the weekend (maybe 3 on average).
DH has never really been one to show initiative when it comes to housework - ie before DD was born I had to set two hours aside on a saturday, and call it "cleaning time". During this time we would both clean the house, however not before he would ask me what I would like cleaned. The response is always the same (ie what is dirty!) I am not a cleanaholic, I simply would like the bathrooms done once a week, sheets washed, kitchen cleaned, a vacuum, sweep and mop, and a bit of a tidy.
If I did not organise this 'cleaning time', I believe he would not clean until things got really filthy.
Since DD was born, he pretty much does none of this. The washing, untidiness etc has picked up but he is doing less. I have asked him to help me, given him examples of things he could do (ie if there is washing on the line, take it off the line!) but he NEVER does any of it without me nagging him.
I HATE nagging. It makes me angry, and the situation goes from a fairly lighthearted "can you do x please" to "why can't you see that there no bin liner in the bin?". It ranges from not changing the toilet roll/bin liner - to not doing any washing etc. This builds to a point where I get REALLY upset, and he spends 'some' time cleaning.
During the week I do the dishes daily (although we have a dishwasher so that's no big deal - just big items), usually do a load of washing, and make the bed at a minimum. I will also tidy at the end of the day as DD and I play with a lot of toys. He will either cook the dinner or bathe DD while I cook.
Today I left early to go for a 1.5 hour walk with my friend so I could do some exercise without DD. He called me and told me he was walking to a cafe for breakfast and I should meet him there. No worries but we get home after that and he hasn't done anything to help me. Making the bed only takes 1 minute! DD's nappy is sitting on top of a bin without a liner in it.
Anyway apologies for the long post - I am at the end of my tether and really would like some opinions on how to change this?
He is otherwise a lovely and hardworking husband, and will do some housework when prompted about 50 times, but I am SICK of doing this!
It's really upsetting me. I don't want to have to get upset on a weekly basis to get him to do anything.
Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.
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02/02/2013, 05:26 PM
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Posts: 10,843
Joined: 14-January 09
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Train your dog, it's worth it!
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Divide the housework into clearly delineated tasks.
So, every Saturday, your DH does the vacuuming. End of story - one end of house to other.
You do other stuff, like cleaning bathrooms.
He does his laundry, the sheets and towels, you do yours and baby stuff.
Put a schedule up for who is cooking on what nights - and who cleans up.
Yes, DH and I have been doing this for years, and it works quite well. We don't have to ask each other what needs to be done, because we only have to do our 'set' chores.
That being said, we will occasionally break out and do spring cleaning stuff, but that's on top of the standards.
Good luck.
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02/02/2013, 05:28 PM
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Posts: 1,160
Joined: 19-January 11
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Advanced Member
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QUOTE (amabanana @ 02/02/2013, 06:20 PM)  If you can afford it I would get a cleaner. I would put it to him as 'lift your game or hire a cleaner'.
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02/02/2013, 05:33 PM
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Posts: 483
Joined: 5-July 09
From: Melbourne
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Member
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My DH is pretty much just like yours. I work 2 days a week and he has the 2 boys for those 2 days and I take over for the other 5, so we never have a day off together.
WHen I'm at home, I'm running around getting everything done and getting organised for my few days at work, all the while cleaning up from the last few days I worked. He does absolutly no chores and the house looks like a tornado hit after just 2 days of working!
You know what, I have accepted that I can only do so much and that he will never change, no matter how much nagging I would have put into getting more help. He complains sometimes that the house is messy, then I let him know just what I think! If he wants to not help, then he has to accept the consequences, as I'm no superwoman. I can not work and maintain a 'display' type house, when he plays no part in helping this to happen. I keep it hygenic as possible and tidy up everynight, with at least one day (usually the day before I go back to work) off from a late night of cleaning and tidying.
He also says we can hire a cleaner, but I refuse to get one, just because he's too lazy to help do some dishes, hang out the washing or take out the rubbish!
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02/02/2013, 05:43 PM
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Posts: 179
Joined: 14-April 09
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Member
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Have you gone back to work?
If not I think him cooking most nights plus vacuuming on weekends is pretty good.
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