[Beancat]

Hi, I know this is a sensitive topic, but I am considering not breastfeeding after the first few days. My reasons are long and varied and include, previous hospitalistion for mastitis, prone to nipple and breast thrush, scaring from mastitits has left one breast unable to produce more than about 20ml and reasonably severe bout of PND after no2.

So hence for my physical and mental well being I am considering this. Has anyone done this and got any advice about the best way to wean after a few days?

I don't want to hear about breast is best. Agree its best when it works, but after two attempts it is not best in my situation and the relationship with my baby. I just want to hear from others who may be considering it and others who have done it and any advice you may have.
TIA

[Marquise]

I'm considering not doing it because of a really scary family-wide history of severe (really really severe) PND strongly related to sleep-deprivation. Every single woman in my family who has breastfed has had this, and those who have bottle-fed and hence shared the sleep-deprivation load more equitably with their partners have not. I also know myself too well - a traumatic breast-feeding experience, coupled with all the immense, terrible pressure I'm under from everyone else to breastfeed until baby is 2 would actually be something I wouldn't cope with at all. Nor is weeks of pain. I know that for me, a happy mother would be a much much better mother.

I'm overdue, and I don't have long to decide. It is very hard to find advice about this, though, when everyone I've spoken to just says 'don't buy bottles etc etc - you have to breastfeed or the baby will die/suffer/ be diseased/ you will be an unsuitable mother/ selfish witch'. And they do, and they have.

[LifesGood]

Never considered it personally, but I think your consideration of it is very valid - yours too Marquise. It's only one element of the enormous task of raising your child and you need to make a decision that suits the bigger picture.

All the best to both of you.

PS. Make sure you have figured out how you will deflect unwanted comments and questions in advance if this is likely to upset you.

[Sharlie2878]

I had early supply issues so had to do formula feeding early on. I was given a lot of advice about nipple confusion, but to this day my daughter will take a boob, bottle or dummy with no issue. Her biggest confusion is whether she needs to tip whatever she is sucking on up in the air to get something out of it (god that hurts with teeth on your boob).

From my very limited experience (supply was sorted all on its own once I stopped listening to people) I would suggest do what feels right. I bought a little Medela bottle with a standard teat which worked perfectly for our newborn, but there are plenty of different shaped teats and it might just be a matter of buying a few and see which your baby prefers. I will say from my perspective there was 'something' about the Medela bottle which felt comfortable for me, but I think it was just me, bub didn't care as long as something was in her mouth.

[Jo-Anna]

All I know is that with the twins I am not 'planning' so much this time as taking each day as it comes. I don't want to put pressure on myself either way.

[opethmum]

If you don't want to breast feed then that is up to you and no one else, buy the appropriate equipment and inform the appropriate people if you are planning a hospital delivery and let the midwife know in no uncertain terms that you plan to bottle feed from the get go and you would appreciate no pressure for you to breastfeed after the birth.
You may feel differently sure post birth and allow the first suckle etc.
If your family are pressuring you to breastfeed etc tell then to shove it in a nice way and you are being the best mother you can be and if bottle feeding your child helps you to be the best then who are we to judge you.
All the best for your delivery and I hope post birth is not too rough for you.

[hotchilliwoman]

Hi BeancatI did this with my third child after so much difficulty feeding my first 2. I fed him the colostrum and then I think the third or fourth day we started with formula. Yes you will get people judging you but the important thing is to be confident in your decision. It is your baby, your breasts, you can choose. I loved bottle feeding him and to this day we have a super close bond because I enjoyed him so much as a baby. There was so much pain, expressing and crying involved with the first 2 that I think I forgot to enjoy them, I was so fixated on providing breast milk to them.And yes it's all anecdotal evidence but he is 11 now, super healthy (he's never even had antibiotics!) and is a talented athlete.Good luck

[Pooks*potters]

I would suggest finding a sympathetic GP. Mine was really understanding and helped me to wean with no problems, I didn't have any soreness or mastitis or anything, and I just told her I had tried everything and needed to make this decision or I would lose the plot. She said if her advice didn't work to come back and they can give you medication to dry up your milk.

IMHO, If you are happy to breastfeed in hospital I would just not mention it to them. Then just do it with GP support, and then advise the MCHN it is fait accompli... I'd like to tell you you would be supported in your choices but I do think there is a lot of variation between health providers and personally, I'd rather have one I trust to be supportive then take the gamble, unless you know a good MCHN from your previous kids.

As for me, I vacillate between really wanting to make breastfeeding work with the next baby, and wanting to just remove the nightmare which was bfing from the experience and find out what it like to enjoy a newborn. I totally, totally understand your choice OP.

Marquise, you could try seeing if breastfeeding is ok in hospital and then you could ask for a referral for LC and mental health support. Some people find BFing is harmful for their mental health, some find it helpful. It's certainly a valid reason not to breastfeed but you might be different from your family members, it's about finding what is right for you and your baby. All my best!

[Sharlie2878]

As to unwanted comments and questions, my mother gave me 2 pieces of advice when I told her I was pregnant -

1 - Everyone will tell you what is best for your baby, but only you know what works for your whole family

2 - You don't have to be polite if they wont stop giving you unwanted advice, tell them to jam it whenever you need to

By the way our daughter at 11 months is showing a definite preference for alternative music (Cake's 'Short Skirt, Long Jacket' is her favourite song) so just be prepared as that may be the one 'side effect' of formula feeding they wont warn you about.

[Sunnycat]

I started a similar thread a few weeks ago. I am expecting number 2 and still breastfeeding DS. He is a boobaholic and had completely worn me out with his constant feeding (and lack of sleep) day and night. Thankfully things have somehow dramatically changed in the last month and he has reduced his feeds and started sleeping better.

If things had kept going the way they were I would have FF the next child as even though I had no difficulty breastfeeding, It got to the point where I felt drained.

As it is, things have improved so I'm planning to comp feed the next one.

Your choice is completely valid. Breastfeeding can be hard, not just physically but emotionally as well. I am 100% completely over breastfeeding and would be happy to never do it again.