[Miss Anthropist]

I swore I'd NEVER be one of those women lamenting being unable to have a second child. I knew I'd just be so grateful to have one. And I am grateful, but here I am...

Our DD (15 months old) was quite a few IVF cycles in the making. Now we'd like to go back to have another crack. If we do so, it will have to be very soon because of my age and for financial reasons. We can't wait long.

I am booked in to see our FS in a month's time but in the meantime I've been consulting Dr Google, who has informed me that I will almost definitely have to wean my DD before doing IVF again. DD breastfeeds all night long (we cosleep) and several times a day. She is dependent on the boob to get to sleep for her naps and to get back to sleep when she wakes halfway through a nap. Weaning - I imagine - will be a nightmare. And I really don't want to do it - I love breastfeeding her, and she may very well be the only child I get to breastfeed.

At the same time though, I really want a second child. (I have become greedy ).

IF we return to IVF we will only be able to do a limited number of cycles (for financial reasons, emotional reasons, time...) - probably the three frozen embryos we have, plus one fresh cycle (and associated frozen transfers). There is NO guarantee of a second child.

I feel really torn over this. I had no idea it would be this hard.

Can anyone give me any words of wisdom?

[TillyTake2]

How old are you?

And if you don't mind saying, what was the reason for needing ivf (if known).

This post has been edited by TillyTake2: 31/01/2013, 06:20 PM

[Miss Anthropist]

How old are you?

And if you don't mind saying, what was the reason for needing ivf (if known).

I'm nearly 39 and unexplained infertility (in four years we never conceived even once, naturally). It's not just my age though, that's putting us under pressure. If we have two kids we want them to be close in age for financial reasons, and also my DH is older than I am and does not want to leave it too much longer if we're going to have a second.

[TillyTake2]

It is a difficult call but I think I would probably ttc naturally for 3-6 months & then wean to do ivf. I would first find out about whether you definately need to wean. You may find the drugs dry up your milk/change the taste in which case your daughter might self wean anyway during the process. I would also not eliminate the possibility of conceiving naturally as this is not unheard of, particuarly in cases of unexplained infertility. Sometimes pregnancy just "fixes" something! I'd probably think about charting & opk's.

FWIW my son was very similiar at 15month but then randomly weaned himself around 17 months (mostly I think because I went off motillium). A lot can change in a few months

[AryaStar]

...

This post has been edited by AryaStar: 04/02/2013, 05:53 PM

[Ruffles]

Ok, I am a bit cold and dispassionate about bfing. I did it for 9 months with dd (she weaned herself when I fell pregnant with ds) and 15 months with ds until he weaned himself too. I missed it desperately with both, for a month or two. But the world moved on, and now that they are 7 and 8, it is a fond memory.

Had I continued until they were both 2, or 3, it would also still just be a fond memory.

I love having two children. Would I give up my ds, or the chance of having him, to enjoy breast feeding dd longer? Not on your life.

You will find other ways to be close to your dd. and the wonder of watching a child grow and change is always amazing. Breast feeding is a part of it. A small part of it.

For me, it would be an easier decision, maybe. But the opportunity or chance of another child would easily outweigh the additional few months of breast feeding, as painful as the initial weaning may be - for both of you.

Good luck!

[PatG]

In ten years time you are unlikely to have a huge amount of regret for having weaned your first baby a few (or more) months earlier than you wanted (even if you only have the one) but you would probably have regret if you put off trying for the second and then couldn't....

[KACMum]

OP, are you ovulating? You might find that your Dr will want you to try naturally for six months or so before going back to IVF. Use that time to wean - you never know, you may be surprised! I also had unexplained infertility and tried to conceive for three years, had six IVF attempts the last one of which resulted in DD1. My husband and I had unprotected sex ONCE when DD1 was 12 months old and what do you know - DD2! Apparently it's quite common. No promises, but just saying...

[Dabri]

I do not want to get your hopes up with this post and nor do I presume to know your medical history, but is the reason you have been advised to wean because you have a short luteal phase?

Just that DP sought advice on starting IVF and had a short luteal phase due to breastfeeding. With a combination of reduced breastfeedibg (only to sleep now) and taking vitamin b6 under doctors supervision she managed to get her luteal phase up to 13 days from 9 within a month. We've had one chemical pregnancy since and about to try a second time.

If you could explore options there may be a way to just reduce rather than stop completely - but talk to your doctor because what has worked for my DP may not work for you.

[flushthetoilet]

I'd wean in a heartbeat, and move to another room and get my partner to administer comfort and cuddles overnight. She won't get your milk, but she'll get plenty of comfort and love until she weans.