[Incognito3]

Sorry long time user gone anon...
Our son is in Yr 11 this year and is in the support unit ( he has aspergers)
Late last year he came home with some fundraising chocolates to sell for a friends school event - not for the unit.
To cut a longer story short he spent the money and we've had a letter home from the school.
He would have known it was the wrong thing to do.
How would you handle it?

[Saecularis Angel...]

I would make him return the money plus a bit more, from his own pocket money or funds, along with a letter of apology.

[Jemstar]

I would make him pay them back. If he has no income, then I would pay the money and I would then work out a hefty roster of work around the house to pay it off. I would also make him apologise to the school in writing for his actions. I would also make it abundantly clear that what he did was theft and/or fraud and he could be charged by the police.

[Ianthe]

What Ange said. If he doesn't have money then he will need to earn it.

This post has been edited by Ianthe: 29/01/2013, 06:13 PM

[EssentialBludger]

I know very little about aspergers, so what I would do may be way off!

Year 11 = 16/17yo? I wouldn't replace the money, I would let him deal with the consequences of spending it. Or give him a lot of jobs to do to earn it back. Not easy/every day chores either.

But like I said, I have no idea of his capabilites so feel free to ignore me.

[Apageintime]

I'd make him earn the money back by doing extra chores.

Possibly some volunteer time wherever the charity money was going to as well so he could see why it was needed.

[FiveAus]

I know very little about aspergers, so what I would do may be way off!

Year 11 = 16/17yo? I wouldn't replace the money, I would let him deal with the consequences of spending it. Or give him a lot of jobs to do to earn it back. Not easy/every day chores either.

But like I said, I have no idea of his capabilites so feel free to ignore me.

I agree with this. I'd hand the letter from the school to him and tell him to deal with it. He can figure it out for himself, and if he decides he needs to earn the money to pay it back, let him come and ask....don't offer.
At 16/17, he's well old enough to be working (and in recent times many 16-17 yo's left school and worked full-time), so he's well old enough to be dealing with the consequences of his actions.

[Sinister Bonnet]

Errrrrrrrrrr, if you are not familiar with Aspergers and just why it is utterly fecking ludicrous to announce he should just get a job for many if not most teens with Aspergers, it's probably really not helpful to suggest that.

What's his level of cognition and impulse control OP? While he intellectually knew it was wrong, what happened that he spent the money? What happened between his knowledge of what is right and his impulsiveness?

What's his social understanding of what he did? Was it connected to obsessions?

The consequences in my household would depend on the answers to these questions. There would be consequences but they would be tailored to be teaching consequences. Does he have a reliable source of money that he can use to repay or can he work it off?

[Sinister Bonnet]

Oh and the last thing I would ever do is let him sort it with the school unless the HOD was willing to work with him on it!

[~ky~]

My nearly 10yo DS has aspergers and has been required to work and raise funds to pay for things that he has spent/broken/given away etc. Just because he has issues doesn't mean that it can't be a learning experience.