[Jigsy 0308]

Hello all,

I am just needing some feedback/advice/informaton/thoughts on playdates and outings etc.

I am often arranging and oragnising for my children's friends to come over here or inviting them to acompany us to the park, movies, swimming pool etc. Yet this is rarely reciprocated.

My 10yo DS recently asked me why none of his school friends have called him these school holidays and organised a catch up. Thankfully my DS has his BFF living 3 doors away and also his cousin has been over for several sleep overs these school holidays, but I'm wondering if possibly I'm expecting too much from other parents when it comes to reciprocating playdates etc?

I do understand that my children's friends LOVE coming to our house, but I'm pretty sure my children would like an invitation occasionally too.

I have now found this has effected my friendship with some of the parents of my kid's friends.

Has this happened to you? Any advice?

Thankyou in advance,


Jigsy.

[luke's mummu]

DS (7 years) has 1 school friend, his mother always insists their playdates are reciprocated. So if he has been here, he can't come again until they have had time to repay the playdate. Even when she was very unwell last year with breast cancer, I kept saying it doesn't matter, we are happy to just have him here etc.

He has another friend from Kindy who's parents are happy for them to go to either house.

Personally I don't mind either way. But in your situation, if I was doing all the organising, and paying for movie etc. I would get a bit annoyed.

[naturalgoodness]

Currently we don't reciprocate a lot, but I made friends aware that the more pregnant I got the less I would entertain other kids as DD2 doesn't react well when DS2 has his friends over and I spend the whole time having to do extra special entertaining with her.

I simply don't have the energy! I am also unlikely to reciprocate when I have a newborn - but I have a good reason and did tell other parents what to expect up from

Maybe some of the other parents have their own reasons that you are not aware of?

[luke's mummu]

Just thinking more, I have found in general return playdates work better if the families are smaller. DS has 1 friend who is one of 6 (a blended family) and trying to try his mother down to a time when her son could come over was a nightmare. Eventually we gave up. He has another friend who is an only child and it's heaps easier. I know it's a generalisation, but maybe worthwhile considering.

[Leee]

I try to reciprocate but like the PP I have found it hard over the past year with two children and a baby. I do feel bad and try to do them on the weekend so DH is around to help out.

[BornToLove]

We have the same issue with some of DD's friends. I've tried setting up playdates and other things so much, but gave up. Nothing is ever reciprocated, so I just gave up.

I figure that a lot of it has to do with their ages (toddlers) and some of the other parents coming off as anti-social. I think things might be more successful once DD and her friends are old enough to be dropped off for a few hours.

[FluffyOscar]

We reciprocate playdates, so we don't host again until the other family has their turn IYKWIM. It keeps things fair, but it's also a good way to space things out as required. So that way, I won't offer to host until I'm ready, and neither will the other mum.

[Julie3Girls]

I don't actually have a NEED to have them reciprocated. Fact is, there is often circumstances which make having play dates at one house or the other easier.

You also need to take into account family circumstances ... Working parents, kids after school activities, particularly when there are multiple kids in the family, simply the dynamics of having an extra child in your home.
Also, some people are simply more social, and more inclined to organise things, and invite people over.

If my child wants a friend over, we invite them. As the kids get older, they also start to organise things between themselves, just relying n mum to do a drop off.

[Phascogale]

We reciprocate but it's not a you came over to my house so you can't go back over till my child has been over to our place. It's what works best at the time.

I tend to associate with people that will reciprocate and the kids are at an age where I can manipulate the friendships a little so that they are ones where I get along with the parents too.

Sometimes it depends on the other kids and the impact on my child but I encourage the friendships where it goes both ways.

The get togethers with people that that don't get reciprocated tend to fall by the wayside and friendships move on.

However I do make exceptions if the friendships are particularly tight and the parents/family are nice but it's too hard to get the reciprocation (and may involve me getting the other child and dropping them off way too many times) which gets harder the more kids you have. It also gives everyone a break from a child in the house too!

[TheGreenSheep]

I try and reciprocate, however I must say we can get busy on weekends and I struggle to make DSs play dates my priority.

There is a play friend of DS1 his mum I get along really well with so it's always a great catch up, we often eat meals together so it's evolved into a friendship. There is another friend and both he and his mother I struggle to warm too, so I don't rush into those play dates. According to DS he would hound him to come over. I'm secretly relieved DS is in different class this year.

And thinking about DS2 some of his play friends mums aren't the easiest to organise play dates with. Some people I just click with and it's no brainer to sort out, others can be awkward.