[Just_Keep_Swimmi...]

Good afternoon Ladies,

I hope your weekend has been good.

I was just curious on your opinions. I have a best friend who I basically classify as my sister as we have known each other since 1 years old (she was my neighbour).

She is the God Mother of DS.

1st problem is: DS turned 2 on Tuesday. She completely forgot about and I have not heard from her for a couple of weeks now except for a txt msg which was completely random about herself.

2nd problem: We have done NYE every year together for as far as I can remember. This year we had both not planned anything. So a week prior to this NYE I asked her if she wanted to come over to my place as we had some mutual friends taking a trip up from Melbourne and a few of DH's friends were also coming over. She replied, Yeah I am having a party at my friends place, I was going to invite you but I forgot. I was upset by that. Can you please tell me if am I over thinking this. Though I am upset, I want to believe she really did forget and not make a mountain over a molehill.

There are a few other problems that I will not go further into.

I understand that when you have children, your friendships do a turn and you kind of slowly move apart from your friends that do not have kids and you become closer to people that do.

Am I just being a b*#^h and over thinking all of this? Should I just talk to her and explain how I am feeling? I really do not want this friendship to disappear because I have a child and she does not, not only because she is the God Mother to DS but because I really value this friendship.

Thanks ladies for thoughts :-)

[kadoodle]

This happened with my bestie.

Once she settled down and produced her own spawn we drifted back closer again.

[Miss Anthropist]

It is hard to say if you're overthinking it without knowing her and you and without knowing about your relationship. In other words, I think it is entirely dependent on the context. I have some friends who are just a bit vague / ditsy / forgetful and these things would mean nothing at all if they did them. But coming from another person, these might be passive aggressive acts.

Maybe give it some time and you might gain a bit of objectivity and figure it out for yourself. Or do you have a mutual friend who you could discuss this with, who might be able to advise you?

[RCTP]

I think you should ask her if she is ok?

I have friends, and I tend to do this myself too, who sort of shy away from others when they feel crap.
As if they don't want to burden you with their load or get their head around how they are going to cope first.

So my first question would be to see if everything is ok in her world.

The NYE thing may be down to her not having kids but missing the birthday sounds more like she had something on her mind that preoccupied her.
She will probably be mortified she missed it.

Good luck - some friends are just worth sticking with through thick and thin and only you can make that call.

[Julie3Girls]

I'd be guessing a bit of natural drift, with your lives having a different focus at the moment. Maybe there is stuff going on in her life, but she doesn't think you would be interested, as you have a child?

Other people's kids birthdays do tend to be easy to forget. I wouldn't be particularly hurt by that.

Do you spend any time with her without your ds? I'd maybe try and spend time with her, and not worry too much about things like forgotten birthdays. Make the effort to hold onto the friendship, but accept for a little while, it might be a bit different, not quite as close.

[AvadaKedavra]

So you organized stuff for NYE and added her as an afterthought, and are miffed that she did the same?

As for remembering kids birthdays - I know some people take the whole godparent thing seriously and others don't... But I don't expect even my best friends to remember my kids birthdays (hell, I still forget my second sons as he was born a day off his due date and I can never remember which day he actually emerged!). If its important to you, just remind her next time!

[Just_Keep_Swimmi...]

It is hard to say if you're overthinking it without knowing her and you and without knowing about your relationship. In other words, I think it is entirely dependent on the context. I have some friends who are just a bit vague / ditsy / forgetful and these things would mean nothing at all if they did them. But coming from another person, these might be passive aggressive acts.

Maybe give it some time and you might gain a bit of objectivity and figure it out for yourself. Or do you have a mutual friend who you could discuss this with, who might be able to advise you?

Thanks, I know exactly what you are saying. I believe she is a bit vague/forgetful. I think time is probably a good thing for me to think things through a bit.

We do not have any real close mutual friends that would understand apart from my sister. However, I did discuss this with her and she is bias towards me. That does not really help in this situation if you know what I mean :-)

I think you should ask her if she is ok?

I have friends, and I tend to do this myself too, who sort of shy away from others when they feel crap.
As if they don't want to burden you with their load or get their head around how they are going to cope first.

So my first question would be to see if everything is ok in her world.

The NYE thing may be down to her not having kids but missing the birthday sounds more like she had something on her mind that preoccupied her.
She will probably be mortified she missed it.

Good luck - some friends are just worth sticking with through thick and thin and only you can make that call.

That is a good point. I may just ask her if she is OK. I am not too sure if I should remind her that she forgot his birthday. I do not want to seem pushy if you know what I mean.
I definitely agree with what I bolded in your post. I definitely do not want to loose this friendship, I would just love to know what she is thinking.

[luke's mummu]

Only 1 of my 4 best friends (all childless) makes any effort to remember my kid's birthdays. The other 3 will say happy birthday if I mention they are having a party etc, but make no effort, no cards, no present etc. At first I was hurt, but now I guess I am used to it. Childless friends (especially people that have fertility problems) have different priorities and often my kid's birthdays are very low on the list. Yes it does hurt a little though as several of my Mum's friends send my kids birthday presents.

[Regular Show]

I would just talk to her about it

[Just_Keep_Swimmi...]

I'd be guessing a bit of natural drift, with your lives having a different focus at the moment. Maybe there is stuff going on in her life, but she doesn't think you would be interested, as you have a child?

Other people's kids birthdays do tend to be easy to forget. I wouldn't be particularly hurt by that.

Do you spend any time with her without your ds? I'd maybe try and spend time with her, and not worry too much about things like forgotten birthdays. Make the effort to hold onto the friendship, but accept for a little while, it might be a bit different, not quite as close.

You have a good point.

We do spend some one on one time together, Definitely not as often as I would have hoped as she also works and goes to uni. So time from her part is as limited as mine.
I am definitely going to hold onto the friendship. I just needed to know if I am over thinking some things.

So you organized stuff for NYE and added her as an afterthought, and are miffed that she did the same?

Actually she was not an after thought. I rang her straight after the mutual friends contacted me to advise they were heading up from Melbourne. DH's friends were organised after the conversation with her. So technically she was not an after thought.