[Tesseract]

Spinoff from the apology thread.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that I'm not the only crazy mother out there who doesn't do forced apologies.

But what about forcing pleases and thank yous? And by force I mean the child doesn't get the biscuit until she says 'please', then perhaps she is restricted from walking away/eating biscuit until she says 'thank you'.

DH and I are in disagreement about this. I model pleases and thank yous, I also say please and thank you on DD's behalf (she's 23 months), even to myself "thank you Mummy". I tell DD often that people appreciate it when you say please and thank you, so it's a nice thing to do when they are giving you something. But if she doesn't say it I don't push it. DH on the other hand is always trying to actually force her to say please (he's not so obsessed with thank yous, by then he's already distracted by something else lol!).

Anyway I know there are a lot of people who force please and thank you. But for those of you who don't - how is it working out for you? Do your kids say it? Or will DD really turn out like an ungrateful monster just like people fear?

[shanta]

I did the same as you and my 6 year old has beautiful manners. I also used to say it for him if he didn't. I got annoyed with people who would force it out of him because I could see he was grateful. I think manners are extremely important and being grateful will open your energy to receive even more. It gives you an easier life.

This post has been edited by shanta: 25/01/2013, 02:02 PM

[Propaganda]

I force it.

Whether it's meant or not, it's still polite to say it. I did it hoping that it would just become habit and it has.

[Guest_Dinah_Harris_*]

I force it, and my 4 year old does it all the time, almost without thinking about it. She has lovely manners.
Nothing worse than a person who doesn't say please, thank you or pardon me.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

I have to be completely honest and say it's working out badly for us so far! He's nearly 6 and I think his manners are a bit appalling. But he's also a bit of an enigma of a kid so I honestly believe forcing wouldn't have made much difference. On the other side, I have an amazingly polite 2 year old who not only uses please and thank you, but also "excuse me" and "sorry", and all of that is just from modelling rather than insisting.

[EssentialBludger]

Yes, I force please and thank yous. My kids don't get anything without manners, and it's just second nature now.


I was standing in line at a lunch bar the other day, there was a kid in front of me about 9-10 who when being served said "give me a xxx". No please. It made my skin crawl.

I'd overheard her parents talking earlier about how she goes to one of the most prestigious schools in Perth. I guess money doesn't buy manners.


Yes, I'm a judgemental cow.

[K+M+A+P]

I'm kind of in the middle. Sometimes I do force, sometimes I just do what you do which is say "Thank you mummy" and she repeats it.
It has gotten to the point now where 90% of the time she says please and thank you with no prompting. But if she does ask for something herself and doesn't say please I'll say "Well what do you say?" and she says "Please mummy!"

[Jenflea]

I model it personally.
I DID do the whole "ta" thing for a while, but it got boring, so we just do regular please and thank you normally and my nearly 3yr old has picked it up herself.

I remember commenting to my husband about how she'd picked up saying plse and thank you and he pointed out it's how we talk to each other, and she copied us.
not everytime, but most times anyway so far.

[Shirley Sue]

I have to agree with you op. I prefer to model 'please' and 'thank you" rather than force it. Imo pushing kids to say it creates a battle of wills. My dd is 16 mo and already says thank you in the correct context. Sounds more like "ka ku" but I know what she means lol. I prefer that she says it and means it rather than saying it just to say it.

[~squiggle~]

I encourage and model but don't force. I have had many comments on how beautiful my 4yo's manners are. My 22 month old has learnt both from us as well as her sister and consistently uses please, thankyou, and wulk (you're welcome).