[Pooks*potters]

My last thread got me thinking about supervision.

Some people were saying they would have let a sleeping child continue to sleep in a car in a cool garage with window open- but they would have stayed there too. This just wouldn't have crossed my mind. I tend to watch DS (11 months) in situations I think he might get into trouble, but being restrained and asleep in a carseat doesn't make a blip on my radar. I would try and stay mostly in hearing distance and pop my head in once in a while to make sure I heard when he woke, though.

I also have the back of the house set up in such a way that I feel he is safe, and I often leave him to it back there. I will shower, cook, hang washing, etc. and leave him there to play. Sometimes I'll let him play in the backyard while I'm inside, but I leave the door open for him to come back in if he wants to, and if I go to the window I can see him easily (he crawls well).

I have a baby monitor because I am a heavy sleeper and might not otherwise hear him call out from his room, but I don't otherwise use it often.

I do check in on him, I guess I'm ok with the risk that he will be upset and it will take me a few minutes to realise.

Having said all that, if he is anywhere around water or dogs I am so super vigilant about it that I've been scoffed at more than once by various people.

I've also noticed that I'm less worried about his interactions with other kids (like at the library, park, etc.) than some other parents seem to be. He tends to just LOVE kids and just wants to touch them and smile at them. I'm not really worried he will hurt them, or that they will hurt him. If either party gets upset, you know, I cuddle him till he is calm then send him off again... Some mums have repeatedly grabbed his hands to keep them away from their child, which I don't really mind, but the looks they give me like I should be stopping him are weird. To me, he is too young to be "naughty", he is just exploring the world, and the worst case scenario is that he tugs some hair or pulls some clothes... Again, that just doesn't register as a problem for me but obviously does for others. I guess the other kids need to learn to move away from him. The cat sure has! I am happy to be sort of... Supervising but in a hands-off way, if that makes sense.

So what do you think about supervision? Where is your line? Have you noticed your line is different to others? Why have you decided to take your approach?

[raone]

I would love to be like you op. But sometimes I am just so paranoid. Maybe that is what you are seeing from the other mums especially if they are first timers like me. I went and bought a movement sensor monitor because I was wearing myself out checking if he was still breathing.

[noi'mnot]

I'm like you, OP. I don't see the point in hovering over everything.

My in-laws think I'm borderline negligent, but they're relaxing now as they realise that no harm is coming to my child sitting on the floor at the library or eating the blueberry she dropped on the kitchen floor. I do have my "things" which I'm very vigilant about like water, dogs, electricity.

Ultimately, though, I do what I'm comfortable with. If others think I'm not doing enough that's their problem, and I don't judge others for hovering over their kids in the playground if that's what helps them sleep at night.

[Mo2k]

I try to give my two as much freedom as possible. Having said that, if there was another small child grabbing at one of mine (which there invariably is), and it was bothering either me or my child I would move my child. I wouldn't dream of touching someone else's child. Like you I don't think that small children do anything maliciously so it's not lile they would be intending to bother anyone.

[Sunnycat]

The only reason I sit with my DS in the car when he is asleep is because we don't have a garage or car port so the car is parked in the driveway.

I am there because I won't be able to hear him from the house if he wakes up and cries and so that I can take him out if it suddenly gets too hot (ie i am there to check the temperature) and because I can't really leave a child asleep in a car by himself outside our house.

At home he is able to free roam around the house and when he goes in the court yard I will sit outside and he will play in the dirt and do his own thing.

If we are out I am happy for him to go off on his own as long as he is within my view (and obviously not anywhere dangerous like the road or by a lake etc).

I am a watch from a far unless he is trying to do things inherently dangerous in which case I am right beside him.

ETA: sometimes if I have stuff to do inside I am happy for him to play outside on his own while I do stuff, but I always make sure I check on him.

Also he is very much a child who likes to explore and play independently. At his first birthday he was getting upset because MiL kept hovering over him at the park and forcing him down the slide and stuff and he just wanted to be left alone to play and discover. She is terrible for not letting him do stuff on his own, he is a lot more capable than she will let him be and she thinks I am a neglectful, lazy parent.

This post has been edited by Sunnycat: 24/01/2013, 09:48 AM

[Toodee]

i'm very much like you are OP. Now with 3 children, who are all under school age, I can't always be everywhere they are and they don't always want to be where I am if I am cleaning, hanging out washing etc.

[Saecularis Angel...]

Pooks, I'm pretty much like you, I think. Have the house set up so that she's got an area I feel is safe for her (and safe from her!), and I let her do her thing while I do whatever I'm doing. Other areas I feel the need to watch her more. I try to let her have room to interact with others. I would have been fine with what you did with the car.

*shrug* Yes, there are times she falls or whatever and I'm not there instantly. But I'm always within earshot, and it's not as if our house is big to start with. I just don't think it would be good for her if I never took my eyes off her (or good for me - I do, after all, like to shower, and go to the loo, and all of that!)

[HollyOllyOxenfre...]

My level of supervision has shifted as DS has got more mobile, but I still think I'm on the more relaxed end of the spectrum based on some interactions with other parents. Our house is set up so that DS basically has free reign of the living areas, but all the danger areas like bathroom, kitchen and laundry are blocked off. I leave him to his own devices if I need to get things done, but our house is so small that I'm never far away and can hear him even if I'm hanging out washing.

DH is a little more vigilant, but I think a lot of it is because he's not around DS as much as I am. Things I see DS do every day and know he can manage look to DH like he's going to hurt himself, so he often steps in where it's not necessary. We're on the same page though for the most part, and once I point out that he's been doing something for x amount of time and needs to work it out for himself, DH tends to leave him be.

[redkris]

I agree with you Pooks. Having said that, I think the time you need to be extra vigilant is just coming up for you now. When a toddler goes quiet is when you know they're doing something they shouldn't (especially if they're a climber)

When Owen was one I shut my eyes for a minute and opened them to find he'd ripped off a loose window screen, UNLOCKED it, and was halfway out onto the balcony (floor-level window)

When Owen was 3 he took all of 3 minutes to scale a 7 foot bookshelf, get down a bottle of baby panadol, undo the childproof lid, and scoff the lot (luckily wasn't enough left to be a toxic dose, but we still had a fun visit to hospital)

OTOH, I've left him sleeping in the car (with open windows) lots of times while I did things in the kitchen, because I can see the car from there. I've also left him playing in the lounge lots of times while I've been doing stuff in the study or kitchen, as long as I can hear him banging around, it's fine!

These days I just tell him what I'm doing if I need to do something in another room, and if he wants something he comes in to tell me. The vigilance has relaxed right off because he's lost interest in the dangerous stuff (thank god)

It's a balancing act really.

[Cranky Kitten]

I'm a bit the same when it comes to at home supervision - DS roams around the house doing his own thing and either I occasionally check on him or he comes back of his own accord to stickybeak into what I'm up to. I can track him generally by the amount of noise he's making and garner a rough idea of what he's doing, if it goes quiet though I have to go check - chances are he's up to no good

Outside it's pretty well the same, he wanders around the yard playing in the dirt etc while I hang washing or water the plants. I keep half an eye on him unless he's hanging around trying to get squirted with the hose.

The car thing though, I would have stayed. I have a bit of a thing about little kids in cars as even on a mild day with a covered car the inside of the car can get quite a lot warmer. I use it as an excuse to lay my own seat back and either read or have a nap myself. But I'm there with him and can gauge the comfort level of the car and whether or not it's getting too hot. Especially in summer - maybe less so in winter I guess.