[adl]

I know this has probably been discussed at length, and is very similar to another current thread, but I didnt want to hi-jack and DH asked me to seek advice from the EB Mummies!!!

DS (2.5) was so good about going to bed, we had the odd night of refusal but overall he would go down happily, sometimes we could hear him chatting / singing but he drifted off to sleep....

One week before Christmas, which we were then travelling for 3 weeks, he works out how to climb out of cot... we were of the aint broke dont fix, leaving him him in a cot till we had to change,

So we went to Inlaws... he refused portacot, we did single bed with toddler rail.. usual issue no sleeping there, bu t he did fall alseep eventually usually found under the bed in the morning ... then away where he did sleep with us in the studio accom and got transferred to mattress on floor if he didnt fall asleep there first once he was asleep....

Now we are home and its horrendous, I am having issues getting a toddler bed mattress so using cot with side down, or up, he climbs straight out or if I sit there stopping him throws a mega tantrum... nap time is gone, and we are so at a loss we have resorted to shutting his bedroom door at 11pm to get him to crash out and then open it... ( I know I will get flamed for that, but it was very late and we were desperate)

or alternatively after major hysterics he comes to bed with me, .... falls alseep and we transfer back... we dont like the shutting of door, he screams so I dont think a baby gate would help either

We have tried repeatedly putting him back, saying no its sleep time, turning all lights off and even going to bed ourselves, all the things I have read....but we give up around 10.30pm after about 2.5 hours, and put him in bed with us ... I read no more than 2 stories.... he refuses his milk, bunny, books ... anything....

He isnt hyper or anything, eating before bed, little stimulation etc ... no SN or other issues just a very wilful stubborn boy!

We are about to have our second baby in 8 weeks, and we really need to sort this bed thing out... its just such a complete change? Is it the new baby? Is it a phase or are we completely useless parents in sorting bedtime out?

Should we just let him go to sleep in our bed and transfer or is that just making a huge rod for our own backs?? I so wish he could speak more to tell us

desperately seeking practical advice ....

[knowsnotmuch]

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This post has been edited by knowsnotmuch: 01/03/2013, 04:19 PM

[adl]

I use sleeping bags in winter only, its too hot in sydney... I thought of that but then worried about him trying to climb out and hurting himself... so you are thinking grobag in toddler bed? Mmm... may slow him down

Might try baby gate as alternative

but its more like the "go to sleep/ bed" function has been disabled and we cant seem to reboot and get it working again??

[sedawson]

At this point, I would consider closing his bedroom door. I think he's old enough to cope, and he's playing you guys. He's learned that you give in if he carries on long enough!

I know it's horrible and really hard, but I think that all you can do is show utter firmness and consistency. Routine, calm, identical going-to-bed procedure every day, then close the door and let him yell. Check him every ten minutes if you need to. He's only upsetting himself, and that will stop when he figures out that his only real option is to be quiet and go to sleep.

Get some industrial grade earmuffs, the kind blokes use for heavy work. But the first time you give in and let him into your bed again, it's all going to have to start again. You aren't being cruel in making sure he understands that he's just gotta go to sleep.

[opethmum]

Place him back every time he gets out of the bed, do not say anything to him other that "time for sleep" and say that in a calm monotonous voice. Don't be guilt tripped by his tantrums, which he is really doing. If you need to shut that door, do so, don't get down in the dumps about yourself. He is old enough to work out that tantrums elicit a response so naturally he will keep going so shut that door.

If you need to tag team putting him in bed then do so, it shows that he can not divide and conquer you either.

I hope you get some rest and that your little guy can improve and quickly by the sounds of it.

[K+M+A+P]

We had similar issues with DD when DS was born. She was already in a toddler bed and was going to sleep perfectly fine until we brought him home. Then she was getting out, crying, yelling, waking up numerous times, wanting pats etc etc

We basically had to sit in there until she fell asleep and DH did it each time she woke. Once she settled to the fact DS was staying and the frequent night waking stopped we stopped sitting in her room to get her to sleep.
I get her ready for bed, read 3 stories and then it's lights out. We get the usual excuses of I need to go to the toilet a couple of times so I take her, limit the amount of talking and then straight back into bed. She hardly gets out of bed anymore and she very rarely cries. If we do have a night where she is screaming then I sit in there with her until she is calm. But usually she happily lays in there talking to her toys for a while and then falls asleep.

Have you tried just staying in the room with him and see if he will fall asleep? Shutting the door was never an option for us as she has a sliding door and can open it anyway.

[mini mac]

If you read the other thread, you would've seen my suggestions there for this, some of it not really appropriate tho.

Can you take the rail off your cot until you get the mattress sorted? maybe its the confinement that he doesn't like? And encourage quiet time with reading, listening to chill outmusic etc during the day (as opposed to sleep time) so he gets the concept of staying in bed and relaxing??

I personally would not encourage co sleeping now if you are really keen to get him into his own bed. Thats just going to confuse him and unsettle him more in the long run.

I second the notion of persisting and repetition in a monotonous tone with resettling him in his environment. They will give up eventually... But may take a few days or a week. Unfortunately its exhausting, but will be worth it in the long run.

Also, 8 weeks til the newborn?... You may or may not find he plays up with the newborn anyway no matter how you approach this.

Good luck OP

This post has been edited by Mini Mac: 23/01/2013, 01:51 PM

[Tesseract]

It sounds like he is really resisting being forced to stay in bed. Bed needs to be a happy, safe place that you choose to stay in.

DD hated her cot so we got rid of it. We put a single bed mattress on the floor, with a few pillows lining the side (she is a very active sleeper and often falls out and sleeps on the pillows or the floor). She is also in a sleeping bag (because she moves so much she gets cold otherwise) but honestly this doesn't slow her down much.

So your current situation is broke, and you need it fixed in 8 weeks. I would look at putting in a plan such as this:

New bedding arrangement (mattress on floor, toddler bed, whatever). Take him shopping and get him to choose new sheets/doona cover etc. Also buy him a new special sleep time teddy, he should choose it as well.

New bedtime routine. Sometimes you need to do a BIG change to jolt them out of established routines that aren't working.

Maybe some lullaby music?

Explain explain explain that it is now time to sleep.

Could you (or your DH) sit with him while he goes to sleep? Honestly I think you might need to do this until things are settled. Sit with him while he goes to sleep, rub him gently if he likes it, sing to him quietly if he likes it. Having you there ought to stop him getting up etc. Then once things are settled you can slowly inch the chair away from his bed, do a few "trips to the toilet" where you leave him for a few minutes...and then work back to putting him to bed and leaving?

[Klinkalink]

We had very similar issues with DS1 when we first transitioned to a normal bed when he was just over 2, and it ended up with everyone in the house frustrated and tired the next day, as he would keep coming out up until he fell asleep from pure exhaustion at about midnight. We would take him back to bed each time, explaining not to come back out, reading stories, getting into bed with him, all that stuff.

It got the point where we just bit the bullet and closed his door (we had to put one of those protective door thingos on the inside knob so that you have to squeeze and turn at the same time for the door to open). He screamed for about half an hour on the first night as his 'game' had been taken away, and we went and explained why every 10 minutes or so, but left again closing the door behind us. The next night he only screamed for a few minutes, and from then on he has just accepted that the door gets closed and there are no tears about it. I hated those first two evenings listening to him scream, but it has made for a much happier household, and a much happier DS1 in the mornings as he now gets enough sleep!

[blenheim]

We were in a very similar position with my DS - he was able to climb out of the cot while still in a sleeping bag - so we had to take the sides off. He was hopeless in the toddler bed - it was too small with his eleventy billion toys he has to take to bed with him so we moved him to a single bed.

We have a gate on his door and we also hold his door shut after we put him to bed - he thinks it's an awesome game to open it continually - give us a cheeky grin and then jump onto his bed. By the 15th time, it's kind of old for us - I have no issues holding his door shut - at the start, he really cracked it (angry, not upset) but now he just tries the door and wanders off to play with his toys or put himself to bed when it won't open.