[Guest_Dinah_Harris_*]

I need some tips desperately for teaching my 4 year old to play more independently. I set her up with activities like trains or dolls or painting etc, sit and play with her for a little while and then go do some stuff.
Five seconds later she is whinging at me: Muuuuuummmm I'm booooored!
She has absolutely no capacity for self directed play. I'm not getting even the most basic household chores done because she is hanging off me constantly.
I take them both out every morning for an activity like library story time, music class etc, and in the afternoon we go to the park. So it's not like there are massive chunks of time I'm expecting her to play for, but not even 30 minutes!
Anyone got any tips?

This post has been edited by Dinah_Harris: 23/01/2013, 08:25 AM

[Turn left]

I'll be interested in hearing replies on this topic too.

I have 2 DDs. Both totally different in their capacity to play independantly. My just 6 yr old DD has always been great at playing on her own, since she was very young. However, my eldest DD who is just 7 years old cannot play on her own STILL! I have encouraged independent play for years to no avail.

[Guest_Dinah_Harris_*]

I hear you, Turn Left. My 17 month old DD2 is brilliant at playing on her own. Go figure!

[Iliketophaff]

in this case it needs to be taught.

try using a timer? "Is 5 minutes up? Noo, you need to play with your trucks for 5 mins"

Maybe?

[lucy-lu]

I have ds 3.5 and dd 2 and they are ok.
He enjoys time on his own playing with his tools outside, which is where he is most happy to be alone or with his sister. When they are outside I try to stay out of sight, hehe, have a sneaky snack inside.....
Inside both kids seem to need me more, not sure why.


Currently both kids have a paint brush and a small container or water and are happily painting outside.

[tamjk]

"The sun is shining, go outside and play" using the no argument voice.

In your case OP, hand the child a child sized broom and tell her to sweep the floor. Get her to help with the chores, she's not a newborn that needs constant attention any more!

Then again, I've never 'entertained' my kids. They've been expected to entertain themselves from birth.

[amabanana]

What does she like to do? Maybe she's just not really into dolls or whatever you set her up with? Maybe she is a people person and it's just that she prefers your company to playing by herself. I know that doesn't help you get your stuff done but it may give you some insight into why it's not working. Perhaps you need to say to her, 'I am going to go and do 'x' now. It's important that you don't interrupt me. I'm going to set this timer and I will play with you when it rings. What would you like to do while I am doing 'x'? Start with a couple of minutes and gradually make the time longer.

Or, if you are trying to do things, get her to help. Ie, folding the washing she can match the socks, mopping the floor she can clean the dirty spots with a cloth etc etc. I find in our house they either help because they are interested or they will run and hide because they don't want to help!

[liveworkplay]

Give her a house cleaning chore. My girls have always liked washing things. So I set them up with a container of water and a cloth and they wash the walls, cupboard doors, floor, bath, anything I tell them too At 9, 6 and 3 they are quite good at it now and it saves me time

I think it is a personality thing and a little bit of a first born problem as well. My firstborn, from the moment she popped out, needed constant attention. However, from a babe, the second born would happily play on her playmat for 20-30 minutes at a time, something unheard of with DD1. With DD3 I had to keep reminding the older ones to "leave her alone!!" But she is pretty independent in most things except needing company in the toilet

[lizzzard]

DS4 is much more of a 'natural' independent player than DD6, but I have 'trained' DD so that she is willing to play independently more now. Every weekend (I work fulltime) we have 'quiet time' for a couple of hours from about midday-2pm if we are at home. Usually we're out in the morning, so I start priming them both when we're on our way home by saying "when we get home, everyone is having quiet time, including mummy and daddy". WHen we get home, DS often has a nap / rest, though sometimes its only for 15-30minutes. DD is expected to go and occupy herself in a quiet activity and when DS gets up he will either play by himself or go and play with his sister. DH usually naps and I read or do some work. If they come over to me during that time I firmly but gently remind them it's quiet time and they need to figure problems out themselves and find something for themselves to do. After the same routine for a long time (we've been doing this for about a year now) they pretty much know the drill. I will admit I feel a bit 'mean' for enforcing 'quiet time' sometimes when I know they want to hang out with me, but in the long run, I do really appreciate it, and it makes me more patient during the day to have that down time. I think consistency, routine and firmness is the key. In your case - perhaps pick a time during the day, every day when you have 'independent play' time. They should get used to it and start to build up the skill from there.

[jo-v]

My eldest is the same, wants me involved in all his games. Sometimes I can get away with the odd direction like sending him on different ninja missions lol. At 4.5 he's getting better. DD 2 will happily play by herself for ages.

Me and my younger brother were the same so think there's def a link with older child/younger child.