[liveworkplay]

Time to cut the cord

Psychologists warn that overparenting is helping produce a generation of anxious children who aren't resilient, have poor life skills, a strong sense of entitlement and little sense of responsibility.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/national/time-to-...l#ixzz2IT2tXHOR

Does it really take a bunch of professionals to tell people this? Isn't it just common sence that if you do not give your children experience in conflict resolution, problem solving and allow them to take age appropriate risk then they will get to adult hood with no or little skills in those areas?

DH and I discuss this all the time (well more then once lol) We have come across many many examples of teens and older who find it hard to cope with criticism and hard to deal with things that do not go their way.
I think on of the most important things I can do as a parent it help my kids become self confident and resilient adults.

This post has been edited by liveworkplay: 20/01/2013, 09:34 AM

[vanessa71]

Does it really take a bunch of professionals to tell people this? Isn't it just common sence that if you do not give your children experience in conflict resolution, problem solving and allow them to take age appropriate risk then they will get to adult hood with no or little skills in those areas?

As evident in many threads on EB, common sense isn't that common.

[flakyfish]

I think it is a real problem out there, but i don't think it's as widespread as the researchers think. People tend to remember the really crazy parents, but not the 90% who are normal.

Also, i didn't think much of the researcher's random Gen-Y bashing:

''The result of overparenting is Gen Y: they're highly emotional and expect everything to go their way - and they were parented less than the current generation,'' QUT PhD researcher Judith Locke, who conducted the study, said.''You can't complain about Gen Y and then go home and indulge your child.''

Definitely makes me think less of her research skills overall, if she's willing to make such insulting statements without any evidence to back it up.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

I really think this is just a big beat up. I don't think there are any more parents "overparenting" today than there was yesterday.

What teen isn't over sensitive to criticism and cranky when things don't go their way? I grew up in the 80's and it certainly sounds like every teen I knew; including myself.

I think the professionals just don't like it - they want to go back to the good ole days where their authority was never questioned.

From the article -

The research also found schools were fielding parental requests for children to be placed in the same class as a friend, or in a sports house that matched their favourite colour, as well as parents contesting discipline meted out to their child.

The first two points - big deal! Just say no. Where's the harm in asking? And the last point? Proves my theory. I certainly don't want to go back to the old days where teachers were never questioned, even when they threw chairs across the room and ranted and screamed all day (thank you Mr Year 5 teacher).

[liveworkplay]

What teen isn't over sensitive to criticism and cranky when things don't go their way? I grew up in the 80's and it certainly sounds like every teen I knew; including myself.

But we are not talking about just teens. Form a personal example, we had a 20 year old dance teacher unable to cope with the (innocuous) reason an 8 year old didn't want to continue in her class. She could not cope with any slight hint of negativity and her employer enabled that. At 20, I had the responsibility of peoples lives in my hand. If I received constructive criticism (or non constructive for that matter) I took it. This is just one of many example I could personally give.

I do think there is a lot more overparetning from my perspective and experience, then when I was growing up.

[kiam]

A while back I worked in before and after school care and I saw this a fair bit, I have to say, it wasn't the majority of the parents, but it was the same parents all the time, 4 really stand out to me (so out of 70-odd kids we had enrolled, it was certainly a minority) but it was constant, between the four of them at least once every second day they were "discussing" something with me, and I use "discussing" lightly, because some of the "issues" they brought to me were complete and utter nonsense that could not be discussed. Things like "My son told me that you had watermelon when he was in last, he doesn't like watermelon, do you have to cut up watermelon on days he is in?" "We didn't just have watermelon, we also had oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, dried apricots, carrot sticks, cheese and crackers and sandwiches, most of which he ate" "Yes, I know but he just doesn't like watermelon"

I honestly had that conversation with a mother about her grade 6 child, there was one food item out of around 10 that he didn't like and she thought that she had to bring up this "issue" with me (for the record, he was standing there beet red, embarrassed).

Food wasn't all of it of course, there were issues about activities "My child does not like crafts so why do you have crafts on offer?" issues about other children "My child said the only seat left at the afternoon tea table was next to a child that they don't know" issues about times other parents picked up their children "I can't come any earlier but I don't want my child to be one of the last children picked up" and just general 'my child should be allowed to do whatever they want' issues, such as "I know that you are only licensed to use these areas of the school, however my child likes *playground we are not able to use* so just send him and a few of his friends over there, okay? Only his friends, no other kids."

I don't see how it can be a benefit to the child or parents, honestly. I don't know how you can go about your day stressed out about the fact that your child might witness another child eating a piece of watermelon without thinking "Wait, is this rational?". It may have just been my upbringing, but I am sure that if I went to my mother as a child and said "Mum, today I was late to after school care so I had to have the last seat left and I sat next to someone I don't know for ten minutes until we finished our food" my Mum would have gone "Well, isn't that one of the ways we can make new friends? How wonderful" the last thing she would do would be to march down to the school and complain.

I've gone off on my own little rant/tangent here, but it was actually one of the reasons why I decided I couldn't continue studying childcare, because it became something that I could no longer deal with professionally.

Hopefully my negative experience with the super-hyper style of helicopter parents stays with me into parenting, and if it doesn't and I turn into one, that someone puts me in my place.

[Gloriosa]

Gen y isn't teens. I'm 30 and I just fall in the gen y category, which I hate because of the gen y bashing and especially when I feelmore gen x. And the people discussing the primary school kids are discussing gen z. Why does it always fall back onto gen y's behaviour?

It was a stupid article. Nobody is going to take it seriously if the researchers make broad generalised remarks. Quite rude actually. Stupid gen x'ers/baby boomers.

[gettheetoanunner...]

Hmmm - I think mainly media beat up with some salient points.

Data taken from 130 professionals - so it is a pretty small survey and results should be interpreted accordingly.

Out of these 130 , 33-43 of these seeing "many" instances over parenting - no scale/measurement detaisl provided, so the term many is arbitrary.

87 out of 130 had seen some instances - again no measurement/scale given
10 out of 130 had never witnessed it.

So many variables - where were the survey receipients taken from - industry, background, scale type and measurement

Over-parenting - are we seeing more of it. I would say on average - probably.

Are we seeing less of the negative factors that went with a childhood marked by indifference, emotional neglect, etc - parents that were not involved, didn't listen to their child, made sure they were fed an clothed, etc - I would say probably.

[Canberra chick]

There are definitely some parents who feel their child deserves special treatment and who question anything that happens to their child. When I was growing up if you had got into trouble at school, you got into trouble at home. Your parents did not march down to the school and insist that their precious poppet could never do anything naughty. This has become a growing problem.
I see it as part of a larger sense of entitlement and I think a lot of it comes from us all becoming consumers/users, students and clients rather than patients, passengers, and pupils...

[LittleC]

A while back I worked in before and after school care and I saw this a fair bit, I have to say, it wasn't the majority of the parents, but it was the same parents all the time, 4 really stand out to me (so out of 70-odd kids we had enrolled, it was certainly a minority) but it was constant, between the four of them at least once every second day they were "discussing" something with me, and I use "discussing" lightly, because some of the "issues" they brought to me were complete and utter nonsense that could not be discussed. Things like "My son told me that you had watermelon when he was in last, he doesn't like watermelon, do you have to cut up watermelon on days he is in?" "We didn't just have watermelon, we also had oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, dried apricots, carrot sticks, cheese and crackers and sandwiches, most of which he ate" "Yes, I know but he just doesn't like watermelon"

I honestly had that conversation with a mother about her grade 6 child, there was one food item out of around 10 that he didn't like and she thought that she had to bring up this "issue" with me (for the record, he was standing there beet red, embarrassed).

Food wasn't all of it of course, there were issues about activities "My child does not like crafts so why do you have crafts on offer?" issues about other children "My child said the only seat left at the afternoon tea table was next to a child that they don't know" issues about times other parents picked up their children "I can't come any earlier but I don't want my child to be one of the last children picked up" and just general 'my child should be allowed to do whatever they want' issues, such as "I know that you are only licensed to use these areas of the school, however my child likes *playground we are not able to use* so just send him and a few of his friends over there, okay? Only his friends, no other kids."

I don't see how it can be a benefit to the child or parents, honestly. I don't know how you can go about your day stressed out about the fact that your child might witness another child eating a piece of watermelon without thinking "Wait, is this rational?". It may have just been my upbringing, but I am sure that if I went to my mother as a child and said "Mum, today I was late to after school care so I had to have the last seat left and I sat next to someone I don't know for ten minutes until we finished our food" my Mum would have gone "Well, isn't that one of the ways we can make new friends? How wonderful" the last thing she would do would be to march down to the school and complain.

I've gone off on my own little rant/tangent here, but it was actually one of the reasons why I decided I couldn't continue studying childcare, because it became something that I could no longer deal with professionally.

Hopefully my negative experience with the super-hyper style of helicopter parents stays with me into parenting, and if it doesn't and I turn into one, that someone puts me in my place.

This would drive me mental!