[OzeMum]

So we've received the wedding invitation and in it is the dreaded tacky poem asking for cash.

I don't like doing the cash thing for presents and neither does DH. Being asking for cash upfront makes me feel really uncomfortable. So I thought ... hey it's just a suggestion not mandatory. I'll buy a present - something that I know they will love.

Except I keep re-reading that damned poem and they've told me what they'd really love - and it's CASH. So now I'm feeling uncomfortable about giving them a present instead of cash as of course I want to get them something that they'd like. Aghhh!

So is there any ettiquette? Is it really OK to bring a present instead of cash or is it disrespectful and rude? And if we do bring a present will they have somewhere for me to put it or will I have to secretly give it to the brides parents to give to them later - more embarrassment if the parents ask if I missed reading the poem!

TBH I have visions of rocking up to the reception with a big present, standing out like a sore thumb and having no-where to put the damn thing. Meanwhile the other guests will be lining up with their cash to put in the wishing well thing and giving us the evil eye for going against the bride & grooms request.

[LilacSunset]

It's their wedding... it's not really about you, and what you would like. I'd just give them the cash if that's what they've asked for.

[8yeargap]

I always assumed that if a wishing well was requested, that some guests would oblige and others would bring a gift. However at my niece's wedding in November, with over 200 guests, only 2 families brought a gift, the others gave cash. And yes, they were huge boxes and they stood out!! In saying that though, I think it is still optional. I know that *when* I get married (still waiting!!) it won't matter to me what option my guests choose.

[AvadaKedavra]

Two weeks into the new year...

Well, I'll go pop some popcorn and get comfy.

[Dinosaurus]

I have been the only one giving a gift when everyone else gave cash, the B&G were as gracious as ever but they are.

I have given cash and made donations to a 'honeymoon' fund also when I couldn't be a*sed shoping or thinking

Nowadays I'm very busy and not as happy shopping as I once was so I would grab the opportunity to give cash.

To be fair to the B&G, these days a lot of people WANT to give cash and ask about it even if it's not on the invitation - my friends got married not too long ago and about two weeks after the invitations came out came a group email about presents and money because they were sick to death of everyone asking them what they wanted or if they just wanted cash.

As an aside, this thread could get big fast OP, everyone loves a WW thread

[silver-rain]

I find it more disrespectful and rude to ask people for cash. Gifts are not mandatory at weddings, if you choose to give them nothing, that's entirely up to you! If you prefer to give them a gift and they turn their nose up at it, then they didn't deserve it in the first place. You do what you feel comfortable with, the gift can go on the table with the wishing well or the parents of the bride can put it in their car if it's really going to be in the way, I wouldn't stress about that!

[gettheetoanunner...]

I hear you

To take a different route - perhaps gift certificates for an experience - hot air balloon, drift racing, spa indulgence, honeymoon flash dinner (if you know locale)- that you can put into an envelope?

That way you get to buy a present, and not get 'the' look' from all and sundry.

Otherwise I would be asking "I got you a present prior to getting invite - can I drop it around before wedding.?

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

So is there any ettiquette? Depends on the wedding I suppose. All the weddings I have been to have a table for gifts where there is also a well/box for people to drop in their card & cash. I have never seen anyone get annoyed that they were given a gift rather than cash, or vice versa. Most (decent) people are grateful for anything they are given.

As you say, it's just a suggestion to give them cash, it's not a mandatory requirement.

Is it really OK to bring a present instead of cash or is it disrespectful and rude? Yes, it really is okay to give an old-fashioned we-chose-it-for-you gift. But I also think it is useful to consider the couple involved. If both of them are older and have been living out of home for a while, they have more home gear than a 17 year old couple that are about to move out of home for the first time.

And if we do bring a present will they have somewhere for me to put it or will I have to secretly give it to the brides parents to give to them later - more embarrassment if the parents ask if I missed reading the poem! More than likely, there will be a table at the reception for gifts. You can just drop it there.

[dimensionk]

It's totally fine to bring a present. And I suspect there will always be some that do.

For our wedding, (without poetry) we said presents weren't essential, but if you wanted to give a present and were after an idea, that we could really make use of contributions towards our honeymoon.

We mostly received cash, but we also received some presents and were happy. After all, they're presents! It was actually nice to get some, not just 100% cash (even though we were totally poor - weddings are expensive!).

[YandiGirl]

It's their wedding... it's not really about you, and what you would like.

Really?

Everything I've ever believed with repsect to gift giving is evidently incorrect!