[beckles5]

Ok - I am on a bit of a role this evening. Have a few things that have been bothering me and been meaning to seek others thoughts on.

My mother and I clash. A LOT. She is a lovely lady and now that I am a mother I kind of 'get' her more but basically we are not close. Probably do speak more now but it is about the kids so that is easy. She is the kind of mother that still sees me as a little girl - will tell me to make sure my hands are clean when putting in my lenses (that kind of thing). This gets my back up as I am almost 40.

So basically I am wondering for those that have good relationships with their mothers, how was this formed? Was it them allowing you to have a bit of independence/make your own mistakes when you were young? Treating you as an equal? Being open and honest about puberty etc?

I am wanting my daughters and I to have closer relationships than I do with my mother. My husband tells me that I will as I am a different person but I can see and sometimes feel that I do things that my mother did to me i.e previous post about affection and lack of it. I really want my girls to be able to talk to me with ease as I never did with my mum.

[JRA]

tough question.


I had a great relationship with mum, as did my sisters.

Why? I don't know. She never tried to be our best friend, she was our mum. She was pretty down to earth, and yes, treated us appropriately for our age. Yes, she let us make our own mistakes and was always there to help pull things back togehter.

On the affection thing, we weren't a huggy type family, but certainly we knew we were loved, always.

[chillibean]

I will be watching this with interest. I could have written your post and now have 2 daughters.

I don't want to be their friend, I want to be their mother but I do want to have a closer relationship that I did/do with my mum...

[angelinaballerin...]

I have a fantastic relationship with my mother and always have. So have both my sisters and brother.

We were always given freedom, but not too much! We were treated as her children and not as her friend. Until we were adults our selves.

I lunch with my mum and bother her girlfriends and my girlfriends regularly because we like each others company. Same as we go for dinner and holidays with both my parents as well.

My mum was strict, but also allowed us to make mistakes with boys/friends/schooling etc. and then would help us to rectify the mistake (if we asked for help).

I love my mum <3

[madmother]

I miss my mum so much every day.

She was my best friend, my greatest support, my rock.

[morgansacre]

Hi,

My mum and I just talk, she did something years ago that broke the bond we had. I refused to see or talk to my parents for about 4 years. It's only since my heart attack that has made rethink my live and what I was doing.

My four children and I get on so much better. I have always been honest with them about everything, they know I won't judge them, but give my honest unbias opinion.

My oldest DD had a disagreement with me, which caused a rift that has been very hard to fix....we still talk, but it's now not the same.

I too am not very touchy feely, it was how I was raised

Lynn

[SnazzySass]

We work at our relationship. We accept that neither of us is perfect and that there will always be things that sh*t us about the other but that we choose to have a relationship with each other and we try and treat each other with compassion. We try to understand the others point of view and if all else fails smile a nod.

[Lil Chickens]

tough question.


I had a great relationship with mum, as did my sisters.

Why? I don't know. She never tried to be our best friend, she was our mum. She was pretty down to earth, and yes, treated us appropriately for our age. Yes, she let us make our own mistakes and was always there to help pull things back togehter.

On the affection thing, we weren't a huggy type family, but certainly we knew we were loved, always.

This is how I would have to answer, I think it is intangible. I am just trying to be a similar mother to my kids as mine was to me (without the smacking)!

She is our friend not now but was not our friend then.

[greenthumbs]

Don't know OP. I'm terrified of having a daughter for this very reason.

My mother and I get on if we discuss work. But anything remotely near emotions or similar is completely awkward and shut down pretty quick.

I'd love it to be different. I have girl friends with awesome relationships with their mums, no idea how it happened though. From what I've seen though, definitely need to find that balance between being mum first and friend after that.

Good luck, I think you're doing a great thing by looking into, getting advice and so on.

[*mylittleprince*]

I absolutely adore my mom. I think the key to our great relationship is that we have very similar personalities (upbeat, positive, resilient, say it like it is type of people). We both don't get easily offended, can say exactly what we think and move on. I don't like passive aggressive or whingy/woe is me type of people and so we get on well as we think a lot alike!

She raised me as a daughter not a friend. Was always open and honest and I could talk to her about anything. She put boundries in place that at the time (teenager) I couldn't appreciate, but I now respect.

Since becoming a mom and wife I appreciate and respect her more and more.

She does annoy me sometimes as she is quite bossy and likes to tell me what to do but then I tell her and she backs off so it's all good