[feliz6]

People say the newborn stage is supposed to be the easiest time. Before I had DS I thought I would make a good parent but I don't feel like I'm doing a very goodjob. I can't tell what DS wants solely by his cry. I had a tough time grtting feeding established in the early days. I'm doing a terrible job of getting hI'm to sleep well sometimes he screams his little head off and I just don't know what to do to settle him. I'm exhausted and I think DH thinks he's a better parent than I am. I always tell DH what a great job he's doing and how much DS and I appreciate him but he never says anything similar. When I ask him for help he says I'm being negative or that he can't look after both me and DS DH says he wants me to tell hIm if things are getting too much but with those reactions I don't feel like I can. We have no family nearby.. Sometimes I regret the choice to have a child. I wish DS had a better mum. He is such a beautiful baby

[Wild Strawberry]

Having a newborn is such a precious time but you couldn't pay me to go back there. I am enjoying being a parent so much more now my boys are older and 2 are at school. I wasn't a huge fan of the toddler stage either.

Yes newborns are easier is some ways but much more difficult in others. I love that my kids can tell me what is wrong and I can have. Conversation with them. I love thatbit is so much easier to go out these days. I still love looking at old photos and remembering life being simpler in some ways when my kids were little but I am happy I am past that stage.

I bet you are a great Mum. For me I had no idea what different cries meant, fed my kids to sleep for a long time abd they were all bad sleepers til 3....but webgot through it and my kids werent damaged in any way (I hope).

I had no family near by so I had to create a support network by getting out to playgroups etc and meeting people plus it helped my sanity just getting out.

I am sure you DS knows he is loved and remember there is SO much more to parenting than just the newborn stage Try to enjoy it while you are there

Sorry for the long reply but I remember feeling the same when DS1 was brand new

[Pssst...]

First of all, big hugs to you!

Second of all, you're doing a great job!

I, too, had heard how hard the newborn stage was. But I basically just stuck my boob in DD's mouth any time she cried. And if that didn't work then I never knew what else to do. Between 3and 6 months was actually the worst for me - there were lots and lots of tears and lots of self doubt.

I think it's easy for our DH's to feel like they do a great job. Somehow my DH can stay super calm even through the worst of any unsettled period. Maybe it's a hormonal thing and as mothers we're just wired to 'suffer' (for want if a better word) more when our babies are upset?

One thing that really helped me was a book called The Dream Baby Guide. And of course stalking/posting on here.

Sorry for my rambling, am up feeding DD2. Please go a bit easier on yourself. And if you get a quiet, calm moment with your DH, perhaps gently remind him that you need his thanks and appreciation once in a while too.

[*lightning]

Every baby is different, some will cry or scream, some will have difficulty feeding, some will sleep through the night, some will hardly ever cry. You never know what your child will be like until they are born and you can try and help your baby with wind pain, reflux, hunger etc. but you can't fix everything and this doesn't make you a bad parent! Some newborns can be very unsettled and it might improve as your baby gets older.

Speak with your MCHN because they will be able to help you with your baby. Don't be afraid to ask for help, I would have had a difficult time with my newborns if I didn't have my DH who is very good with newborns.

[nicknick]

With my 1st I felt like that, really didn't feel I knew what I was doing - but I can tell you my DS never knew I had my training wheels on and is now at 3 the most beautiful little boy. Talking to others even if it's on EB is the best thing you can do, don't bottle things up. Also do you have any clinics/mothers groups around - if you can get some help that way instead of family?

I am with the PP, I really struggle with the newborn stage to - I find for the 1st 6 months they are exhausting and hard work but then you turn a corner and they start to do a little more each day and I find it gets better.

[lucy-lu]

Hi, I actually think the new born stage was the hardest for me, I now have ds3.5 and dd2.
Ds was a major challenge for me, sleeping mostly, and when you also tired even the smallest job is a struggle.
Dd was that little bit easier, still had dbut only because it wasn't all new to me.

Tell your partner what are feeling, parenting is so much easier when you don't only a few hrs a dar after work rather than 24/7.


And remember it does get easier!

This post has been edited by lucy-lu: 12/01/2013, 05:38 AM

[AryaStar]

People can say that the newborn stage is the easiest and it may have been for them but it is highly dependent on each person's baby, personal situation and levels of support.

Personally I found it very difficult with both my boys and my second son was way harder than my first. The second is meant to be easier, right? I was also lucky enough to have my parents stay with me for weeks. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Short version is that DS2 was a high needs baby who hated everything and cried all the time. DS1 wasn't exactly easy either but DS2 made him look like a trip to Disneyland.

I didn't really think I would be better at it but nothing prepared me for how difficult it was going to be. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Those first 12 months are tough.

[MummaBirdy]

My choice would be to give birth to a one year old!
The newborn stage is hard! Especially when you don't have a lot of support. We were overseas with no family backup and I was just exhausted and therefore my emotions were raw and it was difficult to rationally process things!
One important thing to note, not all babies are the same! Some arrive placid and sleep all the time and barely cry, and so their mums seem amazing, and others are very difficult to settle, cry a lot and never sleep. My DD was like that so I felt like a huge failure.
Use your MHN and know that there are places like sleep school for later if things get tough.
You are doing an amazing job, your baby is very lucky to have you. Be kind to yourself and know that many of us felt the same way!

[~Supernova~]

My choice would be to give birth to a one year old!
The newborn stage is hard!

+1

It is only now, at 10mths, that I am FINALLY seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and starting to really enjoy DS. He is a very difficult baby (and I thought DD was bad, she had nothing on him!). His sleep is still shocking, but he is getting so much easier. I have often thought "omg WHY did I have another baby?!?!".

Give yourself a break, some babies are damn hard work.

[MooGuru]

I haven't had a newborn but I reckon I'll feel similarly if I ever do"it doesn't look that hard on the nappy ads right, how hard can it possibly be?!" (An example from a very stressed friend who had never seen let alone changed a nappy before she gave birth )

Depending on where you are there are parenting centres around where you stay for a few days that give advice etc if things don't improve for you and DS, especially re sleep.

Also there's been research done that shows that if we were say patting a baby on the back whilst carrying it we unconsciously tap at our heartrate, so if we're stressed, heartrates up, patting faster, then babys heartrate increases which escalates them physically when you are trying to emotionally calm them.
I haven't met anyone except professionally who knows this and so many people seem to have a moment of "i do that! That makes sense" and have found even if bub whoever doesn't calm down, they do because they are pretending to be calm with slow patting