[Leese_ttc]

I hope I am posting in the right place but I really need some desperate help. I'm new here and I'm here because on December 8th I had miscarriage at 15 weeks. It has wrecked me and today for the first time in my life I thought about ending it all so I wouldn't have to live another day of pain in this dark house with no support network or friends. TODAY has been the worse by far, I'll take you back 2 days ago. So I called a girl I know telling her I want to die and that I want my baby back more than anything, I told her that the pain is just more than I could bare and I cried so hard that I could barely talk, she didn't say much just that she was here for me and the rest, it was a pretty bad phone call, I couldn't breath I was crying so hard and just kept repeating that it wasn't fair and I want my baby back, any hoo I let her go as I was so upset and then today I couldn't believe the message I got on my phone when just 2 days ago I was soooo desperate and needing help. This is exactly what it said " OMG I can't believe I'm pregnant, don't tell dh as he told me not to tell you yet but I wanted you to know first, I have never been so happy. I'm sorry for your loss but I wanted you to know first. Give me a call when your free YAY" ?........ Yes that is what she sent, word for word, I couldn't believe it, I immediately lost it and wanted to die. I couldn't believe she would send me that when she knows how bad I am suffering and just 2 days ago I was hysterical on the phone to her. Who the heck would do such a thing? Obviously someone who doesn't care and is very very spitefull , it's almost hard to believe someone would do such a thing. I don't know what to do about that but I'm pretty sure I never wanna talk to her again. Ever since I got pregnant everyone else wanted to and now I have 2 girls I know both 6 weeks along. Why is this happening to me. Even my own partner says he is sick of my depression everyday but I just want my baby back so very much. Nobody understands. I have no friends or family to help me, the doctors just want to give me drugs, I want my period to start again so I can start trying again, it's killing me.i just can't stand it. I can't even afford to go out to the country for a week or 2 to get away and clear my head. I have 4 kids who live with me 1 week then their dad the next and my current partner has a son also but look what happened? I hate myself, I know I did something wrong when I was pregnant but don't know what. Does anyone know if my period will come soon? It's been 5 weeks now, will we be able to get pregnant again? Will I have more miscarriages after this one? I just need a friend or maybe some good happy stories from a similar situation . Will I ever get over this and should I just leave this so called cow of a friend behind me because in my opinion it was pretty bad timing and very cruel. I need something I just don't know what. A holiday or even starting to think of a hospital for such depression but I'm scared my dp will leave me thinking I'm nuts. I'm 30 years old and healthy as far as I know. I just want to go out and scream because this life is becoming to hard for me to bear. I just want my baby back. I'm sorry guys I talk to much but I have nobody else so here I am. I'm sorry.

Leese x

[Leese_ttc]

Oh and I'm from SA , I've heard of the Teddy Love Club, I've even donated to them years ago and was heart broken at the hospital to not receive any support from staff or the TLC. It seems I'm on my own and that hurts. Sorry for my whining.

Leese x

[duckasorus]

i have not had a loss but do have mental health problems, please speak to your partner, give lifeline a call and organise to meet with a trusted doctor.
they will get the ball rolling for you to get help.

so sorry for your loss

[ChickenortheEgg?]

Please contact Lifeline.

[duckasorus]

double post

This post has been edited by duckasorus: 11/01/2013, 11:04 PM

[tiggy2]

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are having such a hard time.
I know it's hard to believe right now but it does get easier with time.
It took me about 8 or 9 weeks to get my period back.

You sound very down, can you talk to someone different? Family? A different friend?
Lifeline?

You must feel very hurt by your friend. However, I imagine she has no idea how much she has hurt you, despite your phone call. She is very excited and trying to share that with you without understanding the magnitude of your loss and sadness.

Please don't hurt yourself. Things will get better. You need some support right now, please go and call someone or a support line right now,

Sending you big hugs.

[Dinosaurus]

I am so sorry for your loss, I found a lot of support through SANDS, I agree lifeline will help right now.

You sound like you need more help than a forum can offer, i sincerely hope you get it soon.

[SCARFACE CLAW]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP, and that was a truly awful thing for your "friend" to do. I have been in that very dark place before, and I hope you'll take my advice. Go back to your doctor, and get a referal to a good psychiatrist. Try the antidepressants if they recommend them - you can take them during pregnancy. They can really make the world of difference, and get you out of that dark place and moving on. You'll never "get over it", but it will get a little easier with the right help. Good luck OP.


Edit to remove sig.

This post has been edited by SCARFACE CLAW: 11/01/2013, 11:12 PM

[Sunnycat]

Your friend was unbelievably cruel with the way she went about telling you. I'm speechless.

Please seek further help to deal with your feelings.

It probably doesn't help much but your loss isn't your fault and unfortunately losses sometimes just happen without any reason. Many people go on to have healthy babies after experiencing a loss and I hope that you will experience this too.

Please take care of yourself.

[Bacongirl]

OP, please call one of the helplines in your area. You are NOT alone

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=500857