[censura carnero]

My kids spent the day with another family a couple of days ago and when I went to pick them up the mum told me that their 6 year old daughter had taken photos of my DD on the toilet. She told my DD who is 4 that she was going to put them on facebook. When I went to pick them up the mum who I am friends with told me straight away but worded it like this "well you'll probably hear it from DD anyway". Told me what happened and said she had deleted photos and that she had banned her DD from the ipad until schools starts back. She looked upset and embarrassed when she told me but I got the feeling she only told me because she thought I'd hear anyway. When I got home my son told me that the daughter had taken photos of him too but she didn't get his penis because he put his hands over his crotch. He told me that he had told the mother but mum (my friend) didn't mention that side to me.

Ok I get that kids do silly things and experiment etc. I'm ok with that. However, I told a mutual friend about it and she said that their son had exposed himself to their 18 month old baby. Waved his penis in the baby's face. He had also taken nude photos of their 3 year old daughter. I'm worried that the only reason they would do this is that they have been subjected to some kind of abuse themselves. There is absolutely no proof of course otherwise I would have no hesitation in reporting the situation.

When I discussed it with my kids that night I told them how proud I was of them for telling a grown up and it's never ok to keep secrets from mummy and daddy. Told them that their private parts (explained what they were) are for them and no one can touch them or take photos of them.

I will not be letting my children go the house without me being present again because my gut tell me that something is off. Is this innocent childhood exploration or something more? Such a sensitive and touchy subject that I'm a bit confused how to deal with it. Bloody hell.

[FluffyOscar]

Nah, that's wrong and quite off. The mother's attitude was pretty poor too. I don't know whether anything is "going on" but I'd probably let the friendship go. From experience, even if future visits are supervised you don't always know what is bring said, or what is happening in a different room.

[howdo]

Well, you don't need proof to make a report.

What are reasonable grounds?
You do not need to have proof to report any concerns you have about the safety of a child under 16 or a young person. Indicators that represent reasonable grounds to report a suspected offence include:

- A child or young person discloses that he or she has suffered or is suffering non accidental physical injury or sexual abuse
- Someone else advises you that a child or young person has been sexually abused or non-accidentally injured, or
- Your own observations of the child or young person's physical condition or behaviours lead you to reasonably suspect that the child or young person has suffered or is suffering non-accidental physical injury or sexual abuse.

From http://www.childwise.net/Self-Help-Guide-b...-australia.html

If it were me I'd probably make the call but only because I'm a mandated reporter and would cover my own butt. If I wasn't, it's borderline for me - no disclosure has been made by a child, but it's iffy, isn't it?

It's up to you whether or not you do.

This post has been edited by howdo: 10/01/2013, 08:45 PM

[iwanttosleepin]

Could be some sinister or totally innocent.

My DS (6 years old) was visiting a good mate's house one afternoon and when I went to pick him up him and his friend were in the worst mood. They were so embarrassed because they had been found looking at each other's bottoms. Both got a good talking to and there have been no incidents since.

[censura carnero]

Could be some sinister or totally innocent.

My DS (6 years old) was visiting a good mate's house one afternoon and when I went to pick him up him and his friend were in the worst mood. They were so embarrassed because they had been found looking at each other's bottoms. Both got a good talking to and there have been no incidents since.

I see that as normal childhood exploration. It's a fine line though.

[emnut]

I'm in two minds about this - not overly concerned about the taking of the photos as such (but I would want to see for myself they had been deleted) - my reason for this is that my DS when he was about 6 or 7 took photos of me in the shower & drying myself. On the other hand though, once we explained to him why it was wrong he has never done it again. There was nothing in it from him, no abuse etc to him, just pure being carried away with his ability to photograph people.

How old was the son when he took the photos and waved his penis in the baby's face? That would also influence whether or not I would report in case anything is happening.

How the other mother handled the situation doesn't sound ideal at all but then it could be genuine embarrassment on her part that she wouldn't have otherwise said anything. I know DS had a sleepover at a friends house & his mum was most embarrassed & sorry to have to tell me that DS saw her DH naked in the middle of the night. Again like your friend - she told me because she knew if she didn't DS would have.

[censura carnero]

once we explained to him why it was wrong he has never done it again. There was nothing in it from him, no abuse etc to him, just pure being carried away with his ability to photograph people.

How old was the son when he took the photos and waved his penis in the baby's face? That would also influence whether or not I would report in case anything is happening.

Son would have been 5 at the time. Your point about taking the photo and then after a stern talking to never did it again is my issue. He hasn't done it again that I'm aware of but it's his sister. It makes me think that he possibly has photographed his sister which makes her think it's ok.

This post has been edited by censura carnero: 10/01/2013, 08:56 PM

[SeaPrincess]

I might actually bring it up with the parent/s out of concern for the children, so not in an accusing way, but suggesting to them that it's not normal. Children wanting to look at each other is one thing, the photos takes it to the next level, but a 6yo threatening to post inappropriate photos on FB - that's just not normal.

[economist99]

a 6yo using FB is inappropriate!

as for the photo stuff, I behaved like this as a 6-7 yo, I was a real little perve, I wasnt abused, just sexually curious. Still am!! I noticed the little kids in my family are also like me - very curious sexually. I guess its just about setting boundaries and having supervision if you dont feel comfortable with your kids left with other kids. I dont trust my neices and nephews so talked with DH about never leaving daughters alone with them

[censura carnero]

I'm not concerned about the facebook thing because I did ask mum about that and she said she knows about facebook as she sees her putting family pics up for the relatives to see. But in a sense it is a worry because it was like a threat to DD. My 4 year old who has no idea about facebook freaked out and went and told the girl's mum at that point. Despite not knowing what it was she knew that the images were made for others to see.

This post has been edited by censura carnero: 10/01/2013, 09:15 PM