[JBaby]

I’ll warn you now this is a random question, but my friend has gotten me wondering lol

So my good friend is getting married and we’re discussing her invitations. There is a friend of her partner’s that have been married a few months and she doesn’t know if the wife has kept her own name, taken on her husbands or hyphenated. She asks her partner, he doesn’t know either.

Anyways, I know many women who keep their surname on marriage get annoyed at receiving mail addressed to “Mr & Mrs His Surname”. What I’m wondering is, would most women who take their husband’s name find it annoying/offensive to get an invitation addressed to “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

Personally I wouldn’t give a rats either way, but what do you think the correct etiquette would be if you couldn’t find out? (I’ve told my friend she should get her partner to find out for sure, but lets say hypothetically you couldn’t)

WDYT? Safer to address things to “Mr & Mrs His Surname” or “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

This post has been edited by JBaby: 10/01/2013, 03:39 PM

[countrymel]

My partner and I aren't married - we tend to get joint invitations/letters/etc. addressed to our first names only.

I think for some people it is because they can't remember my or DP's surname though!

[50ftqueenie]

How hard is it for her partner to send a text to his friend saying "what is X's last name. Need to know for invitations"

If we're playing hypotheticals then just use first names.

This post has been edited by 50ftqueenie: 10/01/2013, 03:46 PM

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

What I’m wondering is, would most women who take their husband’s name find it annoying/offensive to get an invitation addressed to “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

As one married woman who has taken her husband's name, I wouldn't be offended.

Why doesn't your friend (or her partner) just ask the woman in question?

Personally I wouldn’t give a rats either way, but what do you think the correct etiquette would be if you couldn’t find out? (I’ve told my friend she should get her partner to find out for sure, but lets say hypothetically you couldn’t)

WDYT? Safer to address things to “Mr & Mrs His Surname” or “Mr His Surname & Ms Her Maiden Name”?

If I couldn't find out prior to sending out the invitations, I'd probably address it as “Mr & Mrs His Surname” , because it is more conventional to do that.

A couple of girlfriends have keep their maiden names. They don't get offended if they receive mail for Mr and Mrs His Surname". Just as their husbands don't get offended if they received mail address to "Mr and Mrs Her Surname", which does happen occasionally.

[MrsLexiK]

Failing sending a text message when in doubt I do not assume and would go with Mr and Ms or like in my case I just used the first name of our friends and resereved the Mr and Mrs for the older people.

ETA: I realised I would leave the DH's first name off because I cannot stand being addressed as basically nothing more then an extension of my DH. I have since changed my name (finally) but I would be peeved to receive an invite with only his first name. If using the same last name I always put Mr W and Mrs F Smith for example.

This post has been edited by MrsLexiK: 10/01/2013, 03:54 PM

[mpjp]

We get mail from our real estate agent addressed to:

"Mr and Mrs His Surname and Ms Her Maiden Name".

That way they are covering all bases!!!

I don't have my dh's name....but I don't care if I get mail addressed to me as that! Doesn't ruin my day or anything!!

[Old Grey Mare]

Most people are probably adult enough not to get sniffy if an inviter assumes they have taken their husband's surname. All they have to do is reply to the invitation using their preferred name.

[Bunsen]

I'd say assuming she changed her name was more likely to offend than using her maiden name but most people I know only really get offended if they get referred to as Mrs His first name His surname.

Personally I would either address it to Mr His Name and Ms Maiden name or Mr and Mrs Hername-Hisname. Either way I would include a little note saying "we just realised we don't know if you have changed your name, please let us know what you prefer to be known as"

[Herewecome...]

I don't have my husband's surname - I absolutely HATE when I get mail to Mr & Mrs Bill Smith. I don't mind it addressed to Mr & Mrs Smith (even though I'm not a Mrs nor am I a Smith) - we're married and it doesn't worry me at all.

You'd be safe going for Mr & Mrs HisSurname.

Sometimes we do get mail to Mr & Mrs MySurname (which makes me chuckle - it doesn't worry DH at all).

[*LucyE*]

The correct thing to do would be to show the respect to ask and address it correctly.

I personally don't care - I still get some things in my maiden name as well as my married name. I get mildly annoyed at Mr and Mrs DH first name and surname. I also get mildly annoyed at the Ms title but that's because it demonstrates a lack of care or understanding of me.