[Rumply]

Hi people, I am sure this is going to be similar to other posts I have read about this, but maybe with a bit more of an individual spin.

Like most people, I am having some trouble with my toddler.... in particular sleeping and not wanting daddy.

DS is in day care full time, has just gone back this week, so I understand he is out of sorts with his routine etc still. However, this stuff has progressively been getting worse for a few months.

I also have a 5 month old baby, so I assume some of this is because he wants attention.

So, the issues are:

- Is really hard to get into bed at night. We have always gone to bed at 8, but the process has now been pushed out to 9 and he generally is asleep by 9:30. He is resisting his naps at day care, but he really needs to have them too. (We thought it might be because he was scared of the dark, so recently added a lamp, but that makes it easier for him to play for longer).

- During the night he is waking 3 - 4 times, mainly looking for his dummy. He had gotten to a point where he could just find it again and go back to sleep. Now he is waking up and screaming and crying. He wont listen and wont take comfort from DH (who has been the one to go into him for the past 12 months - we are currently trying DH sleeping on a mattress on the floor again, but he was told to leave last night).

- During the night waking, he is asking for me. We have been avoiding me going in to him, but this seems to upset him more. I wonder if he is thinking that daddy is keeping mummy from him and this is why he is getting upset with DH?? But we don't want to give in to him, as we have told him that mummy is asleep and don't want him to think if he chucks a tanty then I will come.

There are other typical behavioural issues going on too... but I think I have bored you all enough now. If you have read this far, thank you. As always, your input is really appreciated!!

[Genabee]

We've had similar issues with our now 19 month old.

She got so bad, she was purposely banging her head on her cot (and she would be black and bruised the next day) and we ended up having her sleep in her port cot until we worked through it.

She would wake several times a night and just scream - she just wanted to be held or to get up and play. She would bite, pinch, scratch, hit....

While the approach I used isn't for everyone, it did work for us. I went back to basics - I would ignore her for 10 to 15 minutes or so, then go in and lie her down, pat her until she was quiet, then leave again (never taking her out of the cot and tried not to talk to her at all). Naturally she would repeat her tanty and some nights (especially early on in the process) she would carry on for several hours! It took a good couple of weeks (and several glasses of wine for Mummy!), but basically I just had to keep at it. The minute I changed my approach or gave in to her, we would be right back at square one. The first three nights were the worst, but then it tapered off to two and then just one wake up and then eventually none.

She now goes to bed about 7pm and sleeps through until about 8am. Uninterrupted. And on the rare occasions she does stir, I go back to basics again (after ruling out dirty nappy, drink of water or sick etc).

Just a thought - I imagine he might be feeling a bit out of sorts with you and the new baby? Do you have any time in the day (maybe just before bed, or first thing in the morning) that is just one on one time with him? Maybe it is worth introducing this (whether it is just a bath or story - something that is just for the two of you), so he doesn't feel left out? Maybe he is feeling like he is getting lumped with Daddy because you are too busy with the new baby?

[Natttmumm]

I wasn't sure how old he is but we went through a phase like this with DD2 just before turning 3. We did find out she had sleep apnoea so could have been that too. We found this out later.
What we did was cut the day sleep to 1 hour at lunch time. Bed is 730pm. She plays around for an hour. During the day we talked about what was expected at night and used a rewards chart. We also found TT was related as she often wet the bed but refused a nappy or pull up.
It was a tough 6 months. It's resolved now. She is older but also had her tonsils etc out. Which helped instantly.
We knew something was up with DD as shed been a perfect sleeper from very early on until that phase

[duckasorus]

the ownly thing that worked for DD when she was doing the same was to go in settle her say good night and walk out. repeat as soon as she got worked up.
she now crys now and then but either self settles or settles soon as she hears your voice.

[Rumply]

Thanks for the replies.

I try to have dinner done to an extent that I can play with him when he gets home. I generally do the evening routine with him of bath, stories and bed. I lay with him and we chat and I try to get him to relax, but as soon as I leave he is jumping around again. But I do try to give him as much time as I can

Going back to square one might be the best option too...

hmmmmm.