[porcupine]

Hi EBers

DP's family drive me crazy - always "popping" round without calling/texting/letting us know first. His brother has ALWAYS done this but once our DD came along, his mother & his sister also do it too. Between the three of them, we have one of them dropping in close to every night of the week!!

DP agrees me with that it's a pain but says his family is welcome to come round anytime, as is my family. Except my family ALWAYS calls & organises a visit in advance, to check it's a good time for us. I have very politely asked DPs family not to visit at 6pm (which is dinner, bath & bedtime for our 12 month old) because it hypes her up before bed. But they come at 6pm anyway!! Grrr!!

I am happy for DD to see her extended family as much as possible but the "popping" in (& staying for at least an hour) is really upsetting me & it's starting to cause problems between DP & myself. He thinks I am overreacting.

DPs sister has just dropped in at 6pm for the fifth night in a row & I think I'm about to exlode!!

Advice?? Any ideas on how to discuss this with DP without sounding like I'm family-bashing his family??

TIA x

This post has been edited by porcupine: 07/01/2013, 05:45 PM

[Escapin]

There are two types of people in this world - dropperinners and non-dropperinners. And never the twain shall meet.

I think if I were you I would call each of the offendors and explain that you are in camp B. That you love them very much, but that you REALLY need them to call first and check it's OK. It's nothing personal, it's just how you are. It's only 3 phonecalls. And no, I wouldn't make your DH call, as he's in the first camp and simply can't/won't understand what your issue is.

[AntiBourgeoisie]

I'm sorry, but I'm with your DP on this.
I actually don't think there is a right or wrong, just what you grew up with/are used to.
My husbands family are the call and arrange type. Even asking them to stay for dinner is a pain because they have to moan and wail about how much they will be inconveniencing us before they agree to stay (which is only maybe 10% of the time) - dammit, I wouldn't invite you if I didn't mean it!
My family always had a open door. I could bring five friends home from school and mum would magically expand dinner to make it sufficient for everyone. I have a similar open door policy now, and the arranging a one hour visit a week in advance drives me batty!
As much as your partner and the family should respect your wishes - it is his home also, and I don't think your POV is necessarily an objectively true one.
I have no real advice apart from - maybe just be grateful you have so many loving people in your life who want to drop by? I know that's just platitudes, but that's all I got.

[JustBeige]

There are two types of people in this world - dropperinners and non-dropperinners. And never the twain shall meet.

I think if I were you I would call each of the offendors and explain that you are in camp B. That you love them very much, but that you REALLY need them to call first and check it's OK. It's nothing personal, it's just how you are. It's only 3 phonecalls. And no, I wouldn't make your DH call, as he's in the first camp and simply can't/won't understand what your issue is.

I would do this. I would explain it like this too. I would also add in how much you do love their company etc and how much DD loves them etc etc.

otherwise explain it to DP like this and ask for a compromise. ie: once a week they can all come together. or get together with them during the day (at their house, so you can leave).

You both have to compromise on this one.

[Mrs Mel]

I prefer people to call- mainly so I can rush around and tidy up if there is a bit of a mess, but I don't get upset if they don't.

Perhaps chat to them and let them know how you feel about it.

[imamumto3]

my inlaws drop in too, they let themselves in if I happen to leave the door unlocked.

I try and keep my house in a state of 3/4 tidy-tidy as I will often have friends drop over after school pick up. most dont worry about untidiness, but a small mess is easier to blame on the kids

[Jembo]

I don't mind the odd drop in at all, but what you are experiencing with so much regularity would drive me bonkers and at that time of day nearly every day.

When we lived near DP's parents they would do similar, and no matter how many times we asked them to let us know, they wouldn't, so we started going out when they would be likely to pop in (probably not helpful with a young baby and dinner, bed for you), they would then call to say well where are you, they did half get the hint of being stood up a few times.

I would definately let them know that it would be great if they could txt or call as sometimes taht time of night sucks and it stresses you out.

[Sallystwo]

I dont drop in, but am happy to accommodate dropper inners here! Weird right

[cinnabubble]

I think it's unspeakably rude and demonstrates a disturbing lack of boundaries.

[Escapin]

I think it's unspeakably rude and demonstrates a disturbing lack of boundaries.

hahaha, see, you're in camp 2. I'm in camp 1, I LOVE drop-ins, makes me feel loved But my husband hates them so I don't encourage my friends to 'just drop in'...