[OneProudMum]

A couple of weeks after the birth of DD we went along to a baby massage class ran by the hospital.

In the massage class we were taught that at the beginning of every massage we need to ask our babies if they give consent to being massaged. They said that as time progresses our children will be able to give an answer in an age appropriate manner. They then went on to say that we should carry this same principle to bath and nappy time, to foster some sort of trust so that they can learn that they can say no.

Is this a typical thing? I don't ask my children if I can wash them! Well, DS washes himself anyway.

Thoughts?

This post has been edited by OneProudMum: 05/01/2013, 01:47 PM

[howdo]

I heard that as well - not at a massage class, just 'in general'. I never bought into it. They learned to say no and we built trust without me asking them every single time I touched them.

[rosiebird]

Not weird. I used to say "massage honey?" or "do you want a massage sweetheart?" in a questioning voice, and stop if she started to squirm or look upset. I didn't ask "would it be permissible to massage your feet?" or anything stupid like that, but I think it's a good reminder that your baby is a separate person with wants and desires, even if she is rather small, and it stops you from "doing things to" rather than "doing things with" your baby. Don't say anything if its not natural to you, the important thing is being sensitive and responsive to your baby.

[TillyTake2]

I'd "ask" for something like a massage but not for a nappy lol. If you need a nappy change you NEED a nappy change.

[feliz6]

I don't really find that weird. Some Dr and nurses will ask permission before they touch you or at least tell you what they are about to do. And if I could get a pap smear without being touched I think that would be great! When I was training to be a swim teacher I was told to ask children prior to touching them especially when teaching breast stroke I find I might needto ttouch feet/ legs to help kids get the idea of how it is supposed to feel. I guess the difference is ur discussing babieswwho can't talk and they r ur baby. Still, I think it models respectful behaviour and gives them, when older, the opportunity to say they don't want a massage.

This post has been edited by feliz6: 05/01/2013, 01:34 PM

[Sunnycat]

I did baby massage and was told the same thing. I have always told DS before we are about to change his nappy or massage him or wash him, don't do it so much anymore (still do regarding the nappy change), I just want to reassure him when he was a newbie.

[howdo]

I went with the 'telling them what's going on as you do it' approach. It ended up being a more natural set of questions.

"Oh you're sad? Mummy's going to pick you up. Do you want something to eat? Oooh smelly bum, let's change your bum first then you'll feel better. Let's go to the change table, just take this one off, isn't that better? Yes it is! Ooooh squirmy baby, let's put a new one on, ah there you go, all better! Oh no, you don't like that? Oh I'll just cover up your little feet ..." etc etc

As they got older they responded non verbally and verbally and I took those cues rather than asking permission. "Oh you don't like that, do you, I'll stop, want me to stroke your back instead of pat ... hmmm you like that I think ..." It just evolved a bit more naturally and by the time they could respond questions like that came as part of the normal interactions and the child was able to respond.

[OneProudMum]

I did baby massage and was told the same thing. I have always told DS before we are about to change his nappy or massage him or wash him, don't do it so much anymore (still do regarding the nappy change), I just want to reassure him when he was a newbie.

Is the sort of thing you say more like "mummy is just changing your nappy now" (this is what I do).

Or do you actually ask "is it ok if mummy changes your nappy now?"

[tickledpink72]

Sorry, I find that REALLY weird, but I never did baby massage. Especially the bath & nappy change "consent"...there is no option to say "no" to either for my DS.

[OneProudMum]

I went with the 'telling them what's going on as you do it' approach. It ended up being a more natural set of questions.

"Oh you're sad? Mummy's going to pick you up. Do you want something to eat? Oooh smelly bum, let's change your bum first then you'll feel better. Let's go to the change table, just take this one off, isn't that better? Yes it is! Ooooh squirmy baby, let's put a new one on, ah there you go, all better! Oh no, you don't like that? Oh I'll just cover up your little feet ..." etc etc

As they got older they responded non verbally and verbally and I took those cues rather than asking permission. "Oh you don't like that, do you, I'll stop, want me to stroke your back instead of pat ... hmmm you like that I think ..." It just evolved a bit more naturally and by the time they could respond questions like that came as part of the normal interactions and the child was able to respond.

Great so what I'm doing is the same. Thanks!