[Rocket]

A little bit of background info. DD, aged 9, has a very rare medical condition which primarily effects her respiratory system but also her heart through the stress the lungs put on them.

Dr's have told me that she can never have kids. The damage it would do to her would be too much. She literally couldn't handle it. So it is a 'should' never have kids because she will ovulate - a conscious no kids as she could still fall pregnant.

I've got a lot of faith in stem cell research and the possibility that it might one day help her live a longer, healthier more normal life.

Recently she's started talking about when she has kids, as children do. I don't know whether it's better to break the news now so it's something she grows up with and get used to the concept or wait until she's older. What would you do?

[*Natski82*]

Gosh I have no idea. I am no help. I am thinking back to when I was 9 and I was still playing with dolls, I would have been shattered if I was told then. But I don't think there is ever a 'good' time.

Good luck

[howdo]

If it was my DD I would want the Drs to speak to DD about it directly and gradually over the next few years. I would want her to know the basics of pregnancy before speaking to the Drs about it. I am imagining 12ish years.

She may still be able to have kids via fostering, adoption or surrogacy, so I wouldn't think she won't ever 'have kids'.

[brazen]

i dont' know if i would yet, doctors can be wrong after all. maybe introducing it in a gentle and non personal way talking about how not everyone can have babies etc. paving the way without being definite (which it isn't)

[Maple Leaf]

I would probably want a social worker or counsellor to speak with her gradually about it. I don't know if I would want the news to come directly from me as I wouldn't want her to resent me for telling her?

I also would make sure to speak about different families (either in books/shows etc...) who have kids through fostering, adoption and surrogacy.

[soontobegran]

I wouldn't confront the issue with her yet. I don't think at age 9 she is probably ready to understand the possible complications of her illness. Is it PH?
I think I would wait until she reaches puberty when she will be better able to understand but I would still hold out hope that by her childbearing years there may have been some advancements made that will mean it will be possible for her to carry a baby *fingers crossed*
If it is PH I have looked after a mum who carried to 36 weeks without having any negative effects but of course there are variants that matter here.
Lots of luck OP.

[Oriental lily]

Over the next twenty years I think things like surrogacy being more mainstream and medical advancements means she probably has a very good chance of being a mum.


Perhaps not the conventional way but I would dismiss the idea of her ever being able to have kids.

If she asks just say things might e a bit trickier for her.
And dismiss the subject until she is older.

[whipmix]

agree with the PPs who mentioned that perhaps start speaking to her about how babies come about but also explain that not everyone is able to have a baby or carry a baby to term, Perhaps chat about all aspects such as miscarriage, premature babies, surrogacy etc. She is only 9 and technology is always advancing she may very well be able to carry a baby to term.

[Sinister Bonnet]

I'd talk vaguely about how for some people carrying a baby can be difficult but that there are advances made in medicine all the time. I'd want her specialists to mention it in coming years when it is more age appropriate.

It's never going to be a pleasant topic to discuss but sowing the seeds that it may almost definitely be a huge issue for her from a young age without spelling it out may help in the long run.

[charlottesmum04]

And i would maybe trust that as she gets older she may realise as well. DD12 has a genetic condition and while its her choice to have kids or not there is a good chance that any child she did have would have the same condition she does. I was planning on having that conversation with her when she announced to the physio that she wasnt going to have kids because..... and laid out a very good solid argument for her reasons. Maybe just slowly educate her about exactly what her condition is and means to her body and let her start to draw her own conclusions.