[Sunnycat]

Preparing to be flamed here, but just wondering if anyone breastfed their first and then went on to comp feed or FF their next baby?

DS is fully bf and still demand fed at nearly 15 months. I've never had any issues with feeding him and he was born knowing what to do.

I so far am planning to bf the next one but I didn't realize with DS how physically and emotionally draining I'm finding it.

It probably doesn't help that DS is a frequent waker and will only go back to sleep with boob.

I imagine I won't be able to wean DS until he wants to, but it feels like he's never going to wean. He hasn't even reduced any feeds.
With DS I never knew it would be so hard to wean him and how reliant he is on boob for comfort. He has always been a massive comfort sucker.

Realistically if DS is still feeding a million times a day and the new baby is the same I don't really know how I'll cope. And then if the next one is a crap sleeper like DS I have no idea how I am going to boob them both to sleep if they wake up at the same time. At least now DS and I cosleep so he can self serve and I can get some sleep.

Anyway, just wondering what other people have done with their second child?

This post has been edited by Sunnycat: 05/01/2013, 12:54 AM

[tick]

By the time I weaned my DD1 at 2 years old I was dead set ready to formula feed the next one. I had quite a strong breastfeeding aversion by that point! Even during pregnancy I didn't like the idea of having to breastfeed the second one, although realistically I knew I probably would.

When DD2 was born of course all the same hormones/love/etc kicked in and breastfeeding her hasn't been an issue thus far. She's a completely different baby - actually sleeps worse than my DD1 did (didn't think that was possible) but at the same time she's much more laid back - she'll be fed to sleep but is just as happy to be rocked to sleep by someone else. She'll take a bottle of EBM whereas DD1 wouldn't, and she actually likes solids whereas DD1 hardly ate a darn thing until she was well over 12 months old. DD1 was a boob addict through and through but I get the feeling that by the time DD2 is 12 months old she'll be down to a few select feeds and will probably night wean a bit more easily than DD1 did.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I understand how you feel but don't be surprised if you feel differently once the baby is actually born! And furthermore, don't be surprised if your second child is completely different to your first!

One other thing that happens with second babies though I must admit, is that a lot of the issues that caused stress first time around just aren't as big a deal second time around. Sure I'm sleep deprived as hell but I know there's an end in sight! And similarly, if I suddenly needed to feed my baby a bottle of formula TBH I probably wouldn't stress nearly so much about it as I would have first time around.

Don't worry too much, it'll work itself out once the baby is here!

[lady lady]

Wait until you have your baby. DD#1 - massive problems feeding, MASSIVE comfort feeder around the clock attached to boob as she got older she got more demanding with boob...

DD#2 (10 weeks) - super fast efficient feeder (& WAY better sleeper) regulated herself to 3-4 hourly feeds within the first 4 days and does a 5-6 hour stint of sleep overnight ...

Different babies, different experience ... I was also a second time mum this time around and seemed to work out the hungry cry better, with DD#1 if she even made a peep I would stick her on the boob, so I probably caused myself some grief there ....

[Jenflea]

Have you tried cutting down his feeds yourself Sunnycat?
I had to with my DD at around 17 months. I was over the night feeds and the frequent day feeds.
I started with the night feeds by offering water in a sippy cup. After a week or so, she started sleeping MUCH better too which was a bonus. I'd cuddle her still when she woke so she still got comfort.
Then during the day I cut her down to 3 feeds a day, first thing in the morning(after 6am), then before nap, then bedtime.
Slowly cut down on those and at 2.5 we're only having one morning feed every few days.
Seeing as you're pregnant you could start weaning slowly, starting with night feeds and look at co feeding after the new baby comes. I'm sure there are plenty of mothers on here who tandem feed who can help you out with more advice.

i know it's none of my business, and formula isn't the Devil's Juice, but if it were me, I wouldn't want my next child to miss out on the benefits of BM because my first one was still feeding so much.

How does your son eat during the day, solids wise? Is he eating well? Cutting down on milk MAY improve his solids intake too, if needed.

[Bunsen]

Thanks for posting Sunnycat, I'm thinking along similar lines for this baby but was too much of a wimp to post

First baby was bf until 3-4 months but all manner of oversupply problems meant I switched to formula as I couldn't take the pain any longer - cue the usual guilt and feelings of failure. Second was easier, different baby and more knowledge on how to manage the oversupply, but then he would not take a bottle or cup and I had to feed him until 18 months before he would drink from anything but me, also waking up every 2 hours past 12 months and only going back to sleep with a feed. It was exhausting, physically and mentally and honestly I am scared I will have the same thing with this baby.

Hope others who have mixed fed will post as it is so hard to find information on this!

[meemee75]

I was completely over BF with DD by 16 months and weaned her. I don't think I ever considered FF or mix feeding my second because I know I would feel guilty & its also seems more work preparing bottles etc.

My second baby has just weaned himself (21 months) . He's a crap sleeper like DD but an easier baby and was a lot less dependedent on the boob and seemed to be fine with DP settling him & putting him to bed.

Nothing to do with BF but I just think they have different personalities.
I still find DD at 4 is demanding of my time /attention & emotions compared to DS.

I think BF can be physically & emotionally demanding but I think its dependent more on the child you are feeding rather than the act of BF ing itself.

[ubermum]

Totally understand why you are feeling that way. Summer, first trimester fatigue and a toddler. To be honest, once my baby arrived (17m gap) I couldn't imagine bottlefeeding. It was just too easy to pop a boob out while I ran after a toddler. Wait and see how you feel once your baby arrives. You don't have to make decisions. My toddler was weaned once mine arrived. It's also much easier to doze in a chair as you breastfeed than it is to bottlefeed.

[Pooks*potters]

I don't want to sound horrible, but these are my honest thoughts reading your post. I think your DS needs to be gently guided into finding other ways to be comforted. Perhaps others can help you find ways to do that.

My thoughts are that you will probably find bfing your new baby a really nice bonding experience, and your DS is going to have to get used to sharing mummy and just basically not having you on hand the instant he wants you. I think it would be an awful shock to him if he had the new baby to contend with, and all the other changes too. I would be thinking that now is the time to start weaning him and teaching him alternate ways to settle himself.

I used to be of the mindset "DS only likes xyz, he will only do abc" but I have learned that I need to have more belief in his abilities. You have done a fantastic job of giving your son security, a strong attachment with you and a feeling of being loved. I believe that if you truly believe in his ability to find ways to soothe himself and need bfing less, that with the right approach he could do it.

Now in terms of approach, I can't help you there, really, except to say that I'm sure there are ladies here with brilliant gentle ideas in keeping with your philosophies.

I hope this comes across the right way.

[Mamabear2010]

I agree with Pooks. I can't give you advice about two children and breast feeding, but I have weaned a boob dependent little one.

I fed ds until he was almost two. He wasn't a great sleeper and woke frequently. I usually bf him to sleep because it was easier than other methods (or so I thought). I'm currently pregnant with my second and I dread the long breast feeds of a newborn. But for me, I know the research about bf over formula so if there's no physical reason why I can't breast feed, then I'm sure I will get over my dread. That's my personal opinion for my situation.

As for your ds, I recommend trying to wean him. I was surprised at how easy it was with my ds. It was way easier than i invisaged. At 15 months and older, I think you can explain to them what's happening and to distract them from feeding. Also, I found that less breast feeds actually helped my ds sleep better. I think it was because he ate more solids.

Before weaning, I read as much info as possible- EB, books and ABA website. I think I started by taking away the comfort feeds during the day and then the before nap feeds. That left the pre-bedtime feed and overnight feeds. I then dropped the overnight feeds and kept the pre-bedtime feed. I dropped that feed a few months later.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope you find some advice that works for you.

[SplashingRainbow...]

I only have one child, but him being weaned is a major requirement for me before I embark on TTC#2 so I do understand where you're coming from. DS is now 2 and down to 1 feed per day. I've had to help and encourage him to get to this point but I've actually been pleasently surprised - an despite my initial concerns actually think reducing his feeds has been in his best interest.

I'm still a big advocate of extended feeding - and am glad I was able to feed to 2 but I do now firmly believe that feeding a toddler should be a different experience to feeding a baby. They are old enough to learn that mum has personal space and boundaries, an are smart enough to know that booby is the easiest way to get a quick energy hit.

I did find working helped with this as he was perfectly fine without me and if I wasn't around he was quite happy for other foods and drinks. I guess I just needed that reassurance. It was hard cause I'd been a bit conditioned by the boob is best, boob iced everything message but I really do think toddlers benefit from a wider range of comfort mechanisms.