[divineM]

My DD is nearly 22 months and I have always been pretty strict with her routine. By that I mean that she has particular mealtimes and sleep times and I try to stick to them. I have often felt from others that I'm not flexible enough. It's true that I'm lss flexible than other mums it seems but that's because I have had PND and sticking to a routine helps me cope. It's also because being flexible then has consequences which I end up having to deal with. On NYE I decided to be flexible and because we had plans with others DD went to bed at 9 instead of 7.30. What followed was a horrible night with multiple wakings culminating in her wanting to get up at 4! She was then very tired and had a crappy nap. To me a couple of hrs of flexibility which results in little sleep and a bad day to follow are just not worth it. Am I being difficult? And are other toddlers more adaptable and at what age?

[countrymel]

Is this your first?

I noticed observing my friends with wee ones that the friend who had a first baby who needed strict routines was considered the OTT mother whereas our other friend who had a #2 who needed a strict routine was able to say "He HAS to do it this way or all hell breaks loose!" (with nodding from the 3 year old 'big sister' to back her up) was cut some slack.
Her #1 was a portable, flexible, cruisey baby (still is).

If you and baby NEED routine then just keep repeating - "I'd love to come/stay/do it but messing around with this child makes all our lives hell. We'll fit around you where we can for now ok?"

[steppy]

Only you know what you are willing to put up with OP. Generally the people who want you to be flexible don't have to put up with the tired child temper tantrums the next day. It's probably better to get your child a little flexible here and there but again, totally up to you.

[DS1979]

I think you should just do what is best for you and your child and not worry about what other think. After all, no matter what you do there will always be someone who thinks you should do things differently!

With my 1st child I was very strict on his routine; he would eat and sleep at around the same times every single day and it worked very well for us. With my second child I had to be a bit more flexible otherwise I never would have left the house! But even to this day (and mine are now 6 and 4) we are still very into routines and find that if the kids know what's coming next (for example, dinner, bath, books then bed) they respond better to it rather than just doing whatever.

That said, I know people who have never used a routine with their kids and they have turned out to be great kids but each to their own; having a routine works for us and our kids so that is what we'll stick with!

So to answer your question, no you are not being difficult at all. Different things work for different kids so go with what works for you and your daughter and it's a win/win in my opinion.

[bluecardigans]

I have never had any routines for my two. We are all over the shop and bedtime can vary from 8 to 11pm. This works for us. I have had comments in the past that I should create more of a routine for my kids.

Do what works for you and your family.

[Citylovely]

My DD was the same at that age. I have always been quite routine based with her and it was/is because it's what works best for her. If she went to bed after 7, even by 15 minutes it would be a nightmare. It is only in the last month that we have noticed she can stay up a bit later if her day sleep is late (ie goes to bed a 2pm instead of 1). She is 27 months.
Do what's best for you and your family. Some of my friends found it hard to understand why we can't go out sometimes but it works for our family, luckily I'm the first in my friends to have babies so generally they don't know any different

[ally4281]

Oh I hear you - and my little boy is 3.5! He has always been in a routine, but I am only strict on the bedtime part now - pretty flexible with day sleeps etc. Every time I let him go to bed late - the next 3 days or so are hell! Read - pressured by relatives on a number of occassions to let him stay up until 9.30-10, followed by a very cranky boy the next day. The thing with DS is he wakes at 6am every morning without fail, regardless of bedtime. Even if he is up until 11, he is still up at 6am.

The other relatives kids we had (aged from 22 months - 6) that were also up late, were all still sleeping at 9am, while we had been up since 6. All I could think was why me? LOL I defintely think all kids are different, and some kids are more adaptable, and also some become more adaptable as they get older - DS definitely is more adaptable now than he was at 22 months, but still not as adaptable as some other kids his age. It is him who isn't flexible - not me!

So, I am with you! Some people don't understand it is you that ends you dealing with the consequenses (SP?) the following day!

This post has been edited by ally4281: 02/01/2013, 12:34 PM

[michie0moo]

Are they actually saying it to you or you just "feel" that they think your aren't flexible enough? I'm not trying to be dismissive of your feelings but sometimes perceptions are inaccurate.

Some kids go great on a fairly strict schedule (evidently yours), others don't. No one is doing it "wrong" or "right", just right for their kids. We don't run to a strict schedule, but we do have some consistent patterns (e.g dinner, and then bath, story, bed), but they aren't at exactly the same time. It works for us and trying to run to a time never made a lick of difference and just drove me batty. On the other hand, we have good friends who do run to a pretty tight time frame. It works great for them but if they are at someone else's house, their kids are flexible enough that they can run the exact routine where they are and the kids go to sleep until their parents are ready to go home, when they get transferred sleeping to car and home.

For now OP, just do what works for you and decide which occasions you wish to "live with the consequences" for and which aren't worth it.

[Schnitzelvonkrum...]

It really depends on how easily you can let the anxiety about tomorrow's problems go. It you aren't likely to have any fun because you are stressed out about the next day, then it's not really worth it.

We were pretty uptight about routines for DS1 and DD1, but by the time DD2 came along I just couldn't accommodate her needs in the same way because we had commitments for the other two, and we just sucked it up. Yes some nights and days are hellish, but for us that is the trade off for having something vaguely resembling a social life. I guess one day I realised that a tired, cranky child is not a broken one - it can be easily fixed by a few quiet, routine-d days.

[Cranky Kitten]

I agree with those who say do whatever works for you. Some kids are comfortable with and thrive on routine, others are more laidback and happy to go with whatever - you know your child best and what works for them. They won't always be this small and eventually you'll be able to relax the routines a bit as they get older.

FWIW, DS is somewhere in between - some days he loves his routine/rituals and wants things to happen at roughly the same time throughout the day, other days he's all over the shop and wouldn't know a routine if it walked up and kissed him. I do have particular rituals however, that clue him in to what's happening - things like bath, then boob/cuddles and lullaby before he knows it's bed time. It seems to work for him even when the time or location of his sleep might be different.