[~vic~]

I feel so down and guilty about so many things at the moment as I'm suffering from depression.

One thing that keeps resurfacing from time to time is that just before I met my husband my sister had been friends with him for a couple of years and they had sex twice then decided to not do it anymore as they were just friends and it felt wrong. I was 16 and fell for him which now I'm older know I should never have done as he had been with my sister a couple of times and you shouldn't go there. I was young but we ended up together and got married and now have 4 children, 16 years on.

I thought I had moved on as I know my husband and sister felt nothing for each other but know I'm older realize I shouldn't have let myself fall for him out of respect for my sister.

I feel embarrassed of what others would think of me if they knew. I feel like I'm living with guilt I can't shift even after all this time. I am married to an amazing man but just wish that didn't happen before we met.

Sorry to be rambling but wish I could stop reliving the past, help?

[Unatheowl]

Im not sure I understand why you feel so guilty. How does your sister feel? Does she care? Have you hurt her somehow?

[Sunnycat]

Why do you feel guilty? For ending up in a relationship with him?

Are you insecure about the fact they've been together? Are you happy with him now or are you having other issues presently and have realised that you wouldn't have gotten together with him, had you had the hindsight you have now?

[rainycat]

Everybody has a past.
Why would anyone have to know something that happened 16 years ago. It is ancient history.
Perhaps it is a lot bigger in your mind that it should be because of your depression. Do you have anyone (professional) that you can talk with to help you deal with it?

Good luck.

[lilybet]

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This post has been edited by EHB: 18/01/2013, 04:37 AM

[~vic~]

Thanks for your nice comments ladies xxxx. My sister said it did bother her back then but got over it and is very happy we found each other but still I feel bad for ever doing it. I think it is affecting me more than it should because of the depression. I know 16 years on I should move on but can't help but dwell on my past which is not getting me anywhere I know.

[House.of.blue]

My FIL was with my MIL's sister in a relationship for a year, they ended up ending it and he started seeing MIL a year later. They have now been married for 30+ years and have 4 children and no one cares or brings it up even though the whole family knows about it. It's in the past and they are both happily married to other people. Don't feel guilty about it OP even if people knew they wouldn't care.

[~vic~]

Thanks for that EHB. Nice to hear from someone in a similar situation x.

[cattivo lupo]

There are a few relationships like that in our extended family too. My mum has 4 brothers and 4 sisters, and one brother went out with the woman his brother ended up marrying, and one of the sisters married her sisters boyfriend. All good, and they all laugh over the ancient history of their giddy youth .

[affectiion]

I dated my fiance's best best friend before we got together not long afterwards.

I'm not proud of it, but it happened. We don't regret the fact we're together, not for a second. Every second of me thinking about 'what everyone must think' has been worth it. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how it started, what matters is you're together now. Don't let the doubts overrun your mind- it could drive you crazy. 6 years later, the only one who remembers how we started dating is me, and frankly, with how happy I am now, I can live with it