[rosiebird]

Another topic got me thinking - for those EBers who have a working mum /SAHD situation, how do you divide up the child rearing/ housework / "thought work" of the household? Do you think you do more than the average full time working dad?

[Guest_LeChatNinjah_*]

I'll start by saying I'm not a SAHD, lol, neither do I share a life with one, but I think it should be exactly the same as any other family where one parent works and the other is a SAHP.

And that, in my own humble and personal opinion, is that the person who is the SAHP, barring any special needs for themselves or the kids, should do a greater share of the household chores.

Now, when I say special needs I don't only refer to medical conditions, etc. If you are a SAHP with, for example, 4 kids under 4, then you're clearly going to have less time during the day than a SAHP with only 1 or 2 kids home during the day.

For the most part, though, I believe that the person who actually spends more time in the home should, whenever possible, be able to take care of a lot of chorey stuff.

[Saecularis Angel...]

Shall watch this with interest, as we plan to transition to this sort of set up.

In principle I agree with LCN.

I have to say, though, knowing my DH - I plan to get a cleaner (never had one while I've been SAH). And I fully expect to carry most of the thought load; I have since before we were married, and though I'd love things to be different, I can't reasonably expect DH to suddenly "get" something he never has.

[Fifi LaRue]

DP isn't exactly a SAHD - he is an athlete, so beside training, team meetings and games/competitions, he is at home with the kids the majority of the time, particularly during the day. The kids are both at school now, so it's not exactly the same as when they were little, but yes, generally speaking DP does the lions share of the 'heavy' work of household chores. That's not to say that I don't do anything, but vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, general tidying, and the majority of the cooking is done by DP. He also usually takes care of any odd jobs and billy paying, although I do the shopping, and generally do the laundry. That being said it's a fluid division, rather than something that's set in stone. When DP has a particularly difficult game approaching he will have more team responsibilities, therefore I usually take on more duties, or we sometimes hire a cleaner. Also if I have a difficult client or project that seems to be taking up more time DP will take more on. I guess even though I do the predominate amount of 'outside' work, we still work as a team, so there's always give and take there.

This post has been edited by Fifi LaRue: 30/12/2012, 09:30 PM

[LifesGood]

At the moment DH is a SAHD as he has taken 4 months off work while I went back to work and before DS starts daycare.

I work 3 days a week.

The way we split the workload is that DH does all of the home duties/child care on the days that I am at work until I get home, then we split whatever is left for that day 50/50. I don't do much in the mornings on the days I work as I leave fairly early.

On the days I am home everything is 50/50, with DH taking charge of most of the 'thought workload' ie. he tells me what needs to happen. We decide as we go who will put on a load of washing/do the grocery shopping/cooking etc depending on who feels like doing what, so long as we each do 50/50.

When I was the SAHM and DH worked full time, I took care of the majority of the 'thought workload' and covered child care and home duties while he was at work, but he took on 50/50 whenever he was at home, including in the mornings as he didn't have to leave so early and takes less time to get himself ready for work than I do. So he would change DS' nappy and dress him, get the kids brekky, nag DD to get ready for school etc. I'm quite sluggish in the mornings so I really appreciated not having to do much first thing.

Both of us feel that we are complete equals in our relationship and rarely ever have any problems with dividing up the responsibilities. Sometimes I get a bit cross because I feel overloaded on the thinking/planning side of things, but not often, and if I blow a gasket DH quickly picks up some of that workload. Mostly I like being the organiser and he likes being the blue-sky man. We're a good team

ETA: we have a cleaner and she also does all the ironing (plus she babysits for us!). Obviously this relieves a lot of pressure on the at-home person, however there still always seems to be loads to do around the house!

This post has been edited by LifesGood: 30/12/2012, 09:34 PM

[knickerless]

My husband was a stay at home dad for three years and to be honest it was a big failure.

If he cooked, it wasn't healthy (it was always an easy option). He did barely any of the housework or ironing. I still paid all of the bills, took care of doctors appointments, speech pathologist etc. he didn't even take the children to swimming lessons.

I was working flexible hours however still working around 60 hours per week. I was exhausted and frustrated. He basically had a holiday and watched tv whilst I did everything else. He just didn't have the skills or inclination to do otherwise. I still experience a lot of guilt and regret at missing out on so much of my childrens' early years.

That is not to say it cannot work, I think some men are just not cut out for it!

[Holidayromp]

Set ground rules before doing so. The last thing that the working parent wants to do is to work full time and then come home and do all the chores as well and some SAHD take full advantage of this fact whilst sitting on their bums doing the bare minimum leaving it all up to their working partners which builds huge resentment and marital issues.

The parent at home does the lionshare of chores - shopping, cleaning, washing, meal preparation and obviously childcare.

However the chores are equally divided once home - ie washing up, bedtime routine etc and weekends are shared chores but one would expect all house cleaning would be done during the week to allow for quality family time over the weekend.

[blueberrymuffin]

I work full time, DH is a SAHD.

DH keeps the house clean, is main carer for DS, and occasionally does extra stuff (eg. paint, mow the lawn). I do the laundry and a bit more on weekends.

He's a better SAHD than I was a SAHM

[JRA]

I dont work ft, but dh is home pretty much home ft. At the moment I am working between 3 and 5 days/wk

How do we separate the workload? Whatever works.

DH cooks, and pretty much always has - I am crap. So he also has the sh*t job of decidng on food, grocery shopping etc. THe fact that I am full time on crutches also affects some of this.

Dh does the school drop offs and pick ups, and most after school sport activity drop off etc.

Dh has also done most of the school volunteering, operations mgr for the fair, school excursions etc. I am the hockey secretary.

I tend to do most of the clothes washing as that works for us, it is something done at night, and not a lot of standing.

housework, dh does the day to day stuff. When I am not working we tend to do the bigger stuff together - we both hate it, and tend to motivate each other.

[rosiebird]

It's a little different with breast feeding / night stuff though. And I find when I am home, my baby wants me and only me, so she is pretty much glued to me after work!

In my house, I work long hours 4 days a week (10-12hrs) with 3 days off. DH does everything around the house (cooking, cleaning, gardening, washing etc). He also makes me lunch and brings it to me at work (with DD who is still breast feeding 1-3x a shift). On my days off and before/after work I have DD pretty much 100% of the time (dressing, bathing, reading, playing, preparing meals, bedtime etc)

I do all night time wake ups, he gets up early with her so I get to sleep in (although he usually waits 10min to see if he'd whinging stops so I'm normally wide awake by the time he takes her out of the room). He had a sleep in 1-2 x a week depending on how crappy her sleep has been.

It sounds fair I guess but the fact I am on deck for DD 3 days a week means he has much more R&R time alone and can do whatever he wants on my days off whereas on my days off, I'm entertaining DD...which makes me appreciate work on some days!