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Disagreeing with a partner on a major life decision

Pompol View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 07:59 PM Post #1
Posts: 1,068 Joined: 16-July 09
Advanced Member
DH and I are mid "discussion" about a career change for me. I am 100% keen to change careers. He is 100% keen that I should stay put where I am. To be fair, if I do change, my new job will have a significant impact on our income and lifestyle. But conversely, I am utterly miserable where I am and stressed to the point that I feel I just can't keep doing this. At the end of the day, I don't like my job, and I want to go back into the industry I worked in a decade ago where I'll earn a pittance financially but at least not dread waking up each day. We've had plenty of disagreements over the years, but never where we were both so determined about something or starting from disparate opinions, and I am not sure how we are ever going to work this out. I feel like I have no idea what the process is to get from where we are to an agreement, when there is just no middle ground. I either change jobs, or I don't. Inspire me EB. Or at least give me hope that we can resolve it. Have you and partner had completely different points of view on a major life decision, and if so, how do you work it out?

Holidayromp View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:03 PM Post #2
Posts: 5,559 Joined: 25-September 09
+
To be quite honest it is not entirely his decision to make. Is there any middle ground where you can change careers but to one where you are not earning a pittance? If you are going into a job where you are going to go backwards what is the point of working?

mad madam mim View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:04 PM Post #3
Posts: 18,006 Joined: 6-August 05
when i grow up i wanna be like me
My career would mean my final decision, end of discussion, especially if what I was currently doing was making me miserable.

Taffyk View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:05 PM Post #4
Posts: 251 Joined: 27-September 10
Member
It's your job - he can only offer an opinion. On that note, change jobs! Staying in a job you hate is soul-destroying. It takes forever to get your confidence back - I've been there.

MarsBarSlice View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:05 PM Post #5
Posts: 1,049 Joined: 30-October 09
Advanced Member
Hi Pompol. My DP and I are at that point too about a major life decision. I feel just as strongly as him and there is no middle ground. So yes, I understand, no middle ground for us either and it's not a win win situation. I think for you it is your decision as you are the one that has to go to work everyday and be happy. But you also need to keep your relationship happy and healthy. I hope you sort it out This post has been edited by MarsBarSlice: 30/12/2012, 08:13 PM

Pompol View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:08 PM Post #6
Posts: 1,068 Joined: 16-July 09
Advanced Member
QUOTE (Holidayromp @ 30/12/2012, 09:03 PM) To be quite honest it is not entirely his decision to make. Is there any middle ground where you can change careers but to one where you are not earning a pittance? If you are going into a job where you are going to go backwards what is the point of working? It's a completely different industry I'm returning too, rather than going backwards per se. I left purely for money. Its true there would be limited career progression without a lot of further study but I'd see the kids a LOT more and that's what I want out of this stage of my life. At the moment I earn a motza, but am increasingly having to travel and often at short notice, aside from just not enjoying the work.

cinnabubble View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:09 PM Post #7
Posts: 11,500 Joined: 24-April 06
I like cats, but I couldn't eat a whole one.
It may be her job, but it's their income (as EB mantra has it). Disadvantaging the entire family financially shouldn't be done lightly and changing jobs isn't a panacea for every other aspect of life that isn't going well.

Pompol View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:11 PM Post #8
Posts: 1,068 Joined: 16-July 09
Advanced Member
QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 30/12/2012, 09:09 PM) It may be her job, but it's their income (as EB mantra has it). Disadvantaging the entire family financially shouldn't be done lightly and changing jobs isn't a panacea for every other aspect of life that isn't going well. This is exactly his point, and why we have to agree on whatever I do. I can't just take a more than 50% pay cut and all that will entail for our family without him being on board.

Mozzie1 View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:11 PM Post #9
Posts: 725 Joined: 13-November 11
Regular Member
Is he happy in his job? I imagine I would be quite resentful if I was miserable in my job, but would be forced to stay in it because my partner had a career change. What are you asking him to give up or change so that you can do this? Are you the main breadwinner in your house? Is he? Do you share it equally? I don't know what the answer to your dilemma is, but answering some of these questions (to yourself) might help to see things from his point of view.

bikingbubs View Member Profile	30/12/2012, 08:13 PM Post #10
Posts: 2,156 Joined: 21-May 10
Advanced Member
Its a tough one, because the loss of income would obviously effect the whole family. But, I also dont think you should have to go to work miserable every day when there is still a way of bringing income in and being happy. I think you make whatever your situation is work for you, so that might mean taking a pay cut.

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