[melbgirl]

I am so very touched by all your replies.

Thank you all for your time (and there was a lot of time requied for this epic post!)

I have decied to take all your advice and discuss it with DH.

You have all given me a lot to think about and you were all so nice about it, just what I needed tonight.

Thanks for the hugs, I always thought they were a bit strange, but I really appreciated them tonight


I'll be back to let you all know how I went

This post has been edited by melbgirl: 28/12/2012, 09:42 PM

[sakura73]

I don't have any answers but I wanted to reply and say you and your DH sound like you are doing an amazing job in hard circumstances.

It seems like he has some fears perhaps about bed. Can you talk to him about them?

And perhaps, instead of removing privileges and toys for bad behaviour, switch focus and reward good behaviour with a star chart or something? Since he does know how to behave at some times?

But I also think you might want to chat to your GP about this.

Good luck, OP.

[libbylu]

Wow - that sounds totally tough.
I can really only think of two things.
1. He sounds irrational and overtired at bedtime. Perhaps he needs to go to bed an hour or half an hour earlier so he is still calmer and not overtired.
2. We also had a lot of bedtime battles but they were caused by something different - our DS has separation anxiety and was genuinely panicky about me leaving him alone in his bedroom, which was the cause of the playing up - all he wanted was me to lie in bed with him and would go bonkers (like your DS) if I left the room. We got through this with POSITIVE reinforcement rather than taking things away that he already has (like you we had tried that and it failed), we allowed him to add five marbles into a small jar each night as he got into bed and when he filled the jar he could pick a new toy from the shop. For each bit of bad behaviour after lights out we would take out a marble (marbles are easier to take back than stickers and they get great satisfaction in dropping them in the jar). It took him about 3 or 4 days to get the hang of it, and then he really got into filling up that jar and there was a massive improvement.
I wish you the best of luck - it sounds really tough.

This post has been edited by libbylu: 28/12/2012, 08:34 PM

[chucklebury]

Op I don't have a anything helpful o add except big hugs
Also ave you checked him for worms? Is he maybe doing it for dads attention if he is not seeing him all day?

[Mamacass2]

OP I have been through this with my DS who is 6, we went through about 2 years of this behaviour with him hitting and kicking mostly DH. I could almost write your post word for word. I think with my DS it was because a new baby came along who is now almost 3 and he was jealous. She would and still does go to bed after him so I think he felt he was missing out on something. As another poster has suggested I brought his bedtime forward by half an hour because I thought he may be too tired to cope with things. I also have a very set in stone bedtime routine for him. He has a two minute alarm on his dad's phone before he goes down to his room, we then do teeth and toilet, a reader and story, then we have five minutes more. I instigated five minutes more element to his routine at the suggestion of a couple of other mums a year or so ago where it is his special before sleep time with just me and we chat about the day and stuff, sometimes he likes a tickle or a made up story instead of the chat. This has all helped, he also now seems to mostly grown out of it. He has not thrown a bedtime tantrum/meltdown for a long time and he only sometimes comes out of his room now after we have said goodnight. Anyway I hope this has reassured you a bit that other people are going through the same thing. I have shed many a tear over bedtime, it is so frustrating! Good luck.

[Ines07]

My 5 year old DS is starting to do the same thing at bedtime, not getting physical or loud, but constantly getting out of bed for no reason. I've found that after being at preschool or having a physically demanding day he was much better at going straight to sleep. But since school holidays began he's been worse, even thought he is still tired, but I suppose not exhausted.

So 2 ideas:
1. take him for a long walk, to a friend's house or to the beach etc ( as you have said no more park visits) to tire him out.
2. When my DS first started misbehaving at bedtime 2 years ago ( he has been good until recently) I was told to just quietly and without any talking put him back to bed as soon as got out of the room. No interaction is the key I think as they get no reaction from you and I presume eventually get bored of it. It did work after some persistence.
Hope that helps, my DS is driving me mad lately at bedtime too!

This post has been edited by Ines07: 28/12/2012, 08:46 PM

[kay11]

We actually went to counselling for my DD (4) and the counsellor warned us that this type of punishment just escalates (he knew a girl who had lost all her toys, her bedding and the carpet on her floor..). He was very much into natural consequences - which it sounds like you've been doing - misbehave at the park means you leave the park early etc. And also lots of positive reinforcement.

The key for us was what we called 'practice' - so you don't just punish but actually practice and model the behaviour afterwards - eg my daughter would deliberately make loud noises when I was trying to get her little brother to sleep. I made her practice playing quietly on her own while I pushed her toy pram around with a teddy bear.

[melbgirl]

Thank you all so much for your replies (and reading my post, think I win the prize for the longest post!)

Love the marble idea and the reward rather than punishment as that isn't working.

Will look into the worms
Didn't know they can make them misbehave.

Agree it does have something to do with attention from DH, but even if he spends the whole day with him he carries on.
It has been worse the last 3 nights an DH has been home early every night!

Don't think it is anything upsetting him as it doesn't happen every night.

[Frau Farbissina]

Have you tried varying the routine? Perhaps a shower instead if bath, story in the lounge room instead of bed? Earlier bed time as PP suggested. Is he allowed to play in his room? I let my 5 yr old read or play in his room after we've done the story, and he usually then goes off to sleep himself when he is ready. Does he have a night light or do you leave a lamp on, or is he in the dark? Hope some of these ideas help. Battling with kids behaviours like this is so wearying!! Good luck!

[LifesGood]

Yes it does sound within the range of 'normal' 5 y/o behaviour OP. Several thoughts come to mind.

Firstly your DS' behaviour sounds reasonable similar to my DDs when she was 5, although your DS may be a bit more physical in his reactions than DD was.

Secondly, it does sound like your DS may be experiencing a testosterone surge (which happens periodically in boys from quite a young age).

Finally, I think if you are consistent and calm with him eventually this stage will pass. Decide on your course of action for each situation in advance and stick to it - from what you have described above it sounds like you are already doing this. Try not to react too strongly, stay calm (easier said than done I know, but keep trying). If you use a naughty corner make it somewhere that you don't have to witness his shenanigans. I always put DD in her room and closed a few doors so I didn't have to listen/see her tantrums. After about 15 minutes I always went in with a cool drink of water and a wet flannel and cuddled her, wiped her face and neck and gave her some water. Then we would just cuddle while she calmed down and then talk a little bit about what went wrong.

Don't over-analyse the behaviour and what triggers it, you'll drive yourself mad. Just deal with each situation consistently and firmly, always following up with love and reassurance and you'll all come out the other side.