[Rachaelxxx]

My husband and I have been together nearly 20 years, we met when I was 20 and over the years the dynamics of our relationship has changed as we've grown our family, career path changes and so forth. My husbands career is doing really well and I've stayed at home raising the kids and only having to work p/t (15 hours a week), so for the most part it's been a win win for everyone.

Next year I start work full time (school hours) as our youngest starts primary school and to date with the exception of my husband going to work and back again, I do everything. We've spoken at great length about how things will need to change next year and he will have to pick up some slack, but seriously with the hours he works, I can still see myself being lumped with it all .

How do you manage, what works for you. How do you survive marriage , raising a family and then both returning to the work force full time without killing each other or less drastic, not feeling like it's all one sided

[Unatheowl]

Dh and I work full time, together in our own business. Adds a whole other layer of stress

I think the single most important thing we do to try to regain sanity is to spend time together and with the kids without being rushed or stressed.

We do this by having a cleaner and someone who does our housekeeping duties like ironing, changing sheets etc. yes, it can be expensive but the amount of angst and stress it saves is priceless. In the evenings all I do is cook and go to sleep. On the weekends, we relax or go out somewhere. No pile of washing etc weighing on my mind, no fights about who does more or less.

[Tyrone Finkelmey...]

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This post has been edited by Tyrone Finkelmeyer: 26/03/2013, 08:41 PM

[Rachaelxxx]

The hours will be 8.45am - 3.30pm and that's going to feel like full time to me . I'm pretty organised in the mornings as it is and our school has a lot of homework, so I try and split that up and do half in the mornings and half in the evenings (I will have the 5 girls in primary school next year).

Unatheowl, I guess that's the thing for me, I want some down time with the girls and my husband as well. I don't want to feel like it's all just go go go.

The girls play Netball on Saturdays and that takes up half the day which is fine, but I guess I'm just trying to avoid feeling resentfulness because of the hours I'm working and doing everything else.

[Babetty]

Also think about what can be not done - with all kids at school, tidying up toys etc might be easier, perhaps plan on simpler meals, cook enough to eat leftovers.... think about all the things you currently do and what can be eliminated.

What jobs can your husband do on his lunch break at work? Maybe he can take over paying all the bills, popping out to the post office, picking up milk / bread etc on his way home from work...yes you might still be doing the 'big' things like cooking dinner because you work shorter hours, but he might be able to pick up many of the little but time consuming things.

I also second getting a cleaner. Ours comes fortnightly, but the house stays a lot cleaner when people aren't home every day.

[Unatheowl]

Unatheowl, I guess that's the thing for me, I want some down time with the girls and my husband as well. I don't want to feel like it's all just go go go.

The girls play Netball on Saturdays and that takes up half the day which is fine, but I guess I'm just trying to avoid feeling resentfulness because of the hours I'm working and doing everything else.

Yes, I think it is really important. Feeling overloaded or resentful can build up and cause a lot of problems. My solution was to remove the cause of the angst. I also felt so overwhelmed by housework and so stressed about it hanging over my head all the time that I was snappy and not nice to be around. Now we come home to a sparkling kitchen and I can actually feel the stress of the day leaving me and am grateful for it every day.

[*Lib*]

We both work full time, we share the care and the house work.

[Overtherainbow]

We both work full time. DH does most of cooking, I do most of cleaning. We share laundry and other jobs.

A good calendar is a need. We often meet at kids arvo sports and chat while we watch.

Not sure on age of girls but our kids are responsible for their own rooms, emptying bins and wiping down their bathroom/toilet.

I used to work school hours and found it was no big deal. Get washing, dishes done before work and ironing, cleaning afterschool. It's working 8-6 now that I find hard to juggle.

[GaugeousBosons]

Well, you just do.

We've been together nearly 17 years.

I suppose the equality of each partner is the most important thing. It's not enough for one person to pay lip service to 'helping' the other. It's got to be an understanding at a very deep level if it's to work without resentment building, and even then it's bloody hard.

In your situation, OP, I would suggest that your partner needs to talk to his work about this as well. When you move into the full time workforce it takes time to build a reputation, and generally there's a lack of flexibility there. But your partner has already built his career, therefore there should be discussion about additional flexibility from him in the first few months so that you can concentrate on your career now.

We have three children - I'm sorry to say that it is all 'go go go'. You need to be organised, with clear areas of responsibility without question. I know I don't have the time or energy to chase P to do things. You'll likely need specific times for reconnection and relaxation. You'll also be very, very tired for a while as you adjust. It's normal - don't beat yourself up.

I'd also suggest that your children will now also have to adjust their expectations of you. You aren't superhuman. They should have clear chores and jobs to do to keep the household running.

Good luck.

[MsDemeanor]

I think that you will find it quite easy, as the PP have mentioned you won't be working full time, working school hours will mean you won't have to juggle pick ups, dinners etc.