[twistedmama]

Hi everyone,

I am asking this on behalf of a friend who contacted me after walking in on her 5 yr old son receiving oral sex from a 6 yr old male neighbour. She believes that her son also did it to the other boy. She is wanting advice about the best way to handle this. She has tried to ask him about what happened, but isn't getting anywhere and doesn't know what she should be asking.

While she understands that experimenting is normal, we both feel that this isn't what would be considered normal.

Thankyou in advance.

[Alacritous~Andy]

What a confronting situation for your friend.

I would highly recommend contacting Bravehearts. They are a fantastic organisation.

They have a help line:
1800 272 831

[Beancat]

I would agree it is not normal and would suggest that the neighbour is "acting out" sexual behaviour that has been done to him, so he is possibly the victim of child abuse.

I am not sure i would classify the behaviour between the two children as child abuse, but I would be asking my son something like the following....
....I see you were playing a game in the nude with so and so, who's idea was this? Is this a new game? have you played it with anyone else? Its best if we dont play nude games with other people and explain why

The friend's mother needs to speak to the mother (not the father in case he is an abuser) and explain what happened. If she suspects the child is being abused she should report it (it is nt mandatory, only for certain professions). I also would not let the child play with the neighbour anymore

[Cath42]

You're right: this is not a normal thing for kids this age to be doing. Some degree of experimentation is normal; this is not. Kids this age who engage in this kind of behaviour do it because they've been exposed to it either physically or via something they've seen, such as movies.

I honestly don't know how I'd handle something like this. I don't think involving authorities is the answer; if your friend calls DOCS, she may well find she just initiates a process she ultimately wishes she hadn't. It won't be only the other parents who are subjected to scrutiny and invasive investigations, anmd possibly ongoing involvement. If the other boy was older, say 10 or 12 or 16, my advice would be different. But the other boy is 6 and only a year older than your friend's son.

I think what I'd do is speak to the other boy's parents and tell them what I'd seen, and tell them that I thought the boys needed to be kept away from each other. I'd then have a very comprehensive chat with my own son and take him to a counsellor to have the message reinforced that there are boundaries that must not be crossed, and if they are then he must tell somebody straight away.

*Edited to add - please don't think I meant that your friend has anything to hide when I suggested she not call DOCS. I just meant that she may end up unwittingly unleashing an ongoing involvement that she never bargained for, and it may be unnecessarily invasive. I think the advice to contact Bravehearts is excellent.

This post has been edited by Cath42: 28/12/2012, 02:36 PM

[twistedmama]

Sorry, I didn't mean that it was abuse between the children, but that it may have been that a child was abused.

eta I know the mother that walked in on them.

This post has been edited by twistedmama: 28/12/2012, 02:12 PM

[twistedmama]

The mother has been reading these replies and appreciates them. She is going to call bravehearts.

[Beancat]

BEst of luck to your friend, hope they can help. I'd be interested to know what they suggest if you feel like posting an update after she has called......i know its self centred, but it could be useful in case I find myself or a friend in a similar situation one day

[feliz6]

I would phone docs. In the area of nsw in which I live there is counselling avail for children who display these types of behaviour but a docs report Has to have occurred first. I don't really know much about brave hearts but I'm sure it can't hurt to call.

[kuhla]

Bravehearts is fantastic. Definitely give them a call asap. They will help you every step of the way with advice and counselling.

I have seen this in my field of work and used Bravehearts. Sometimes the police and/or DOCS need to become involved. Exhibiting this sort of behaviour is not normal and usually a sign of something more.

I would recommend not speaking to the other boys parents until after seeking professional advice in fear that the boy may be 'punished' for letting the secret out.

[howdo]

A Child Protection Report of some description really should be made in this instance. A child is at risk here.

I hope Bravehearts can help your friend, OP.