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My DD keeps taking things that aren't hers!
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27/12/2012, 07:00 PM
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Posts: 115
Joined: 3-December 05
From: Kellyville
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My DD is 6 going on for 7 and we have had a recent spate of her taking things that aren't hers.
She has taken lollies and chocolates from the pantry when she knows she shouldn't, she has taken her younger bothers money. She has taken lipstick and lollies from my bag, she has taken my makeup and lipsticks without asking. She has snuck money in her pocket and bought stuff from the school canteen and she also took a schoolmates biscuits! She also took lollies from the teachers lolly jar and got caught.
Today I was helping her clean up her room and in her new handbag (which she got for christmas) I find $70 which she took from DHs wallet this morning!!!!!!! I can't believe it!!!!!
We have been down this path a lot lately and had discussions about trust, ie her actions make it hard for us to trust you, it's very wrong to take things that don't belong to you, when you do this it hurts the person you have taken from and also shows you dont have respect for their belongings and feelings.
When she has taken the lollies etc we have said she is not able to have treats for x number of days as a consequence. She was made to replace the teachers lollies and her school mates biscuits with a purchase from her own money.
I know she gets it, she is a very clever girl.
I asked her why she took the money and she said she wanted money for her new bag and said if she Asked us we would say no!!!! I said that is not always the case there are times when we may be able to and times when we can't and as her parents we are allowed to make those judgments. She needs to understand and respect our no! This is the same for a lolly etc, sometimes we say yes other times no ad she needs to respect our decisions.
It's getting to the point where we cant trust her at all. For example we cannot both be outside working in the yard and have her inside as she is sneaky and tries to get into things. If I am upstairs I cannot trust what she is dong downstairs etc.
I love her very dearly and I am at my wits end with this dishonesty. She really does not miss out and we are very fair all round.
I am floored that she she has taken this money and I am stuck as to what type of consequence I should give. I feel this is getting much more serious now and want to really get through to her.
So, what would you do with a child at this age? Does anyone have any advice or experience with this???
Would appreciate your help. Thank you.
This post has been edited by Excited One: 27/12/2012, 07:35 PM
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27/12/2012, 11:03 PM
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Posts: 2,532
Joined: 9-March 00
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Wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug...
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QUOTE It's getting to the point where we cant trust her at all. For example we cannot both be outside working in the yard and have her inside as she is sneaky and tries to get into things. If I am upstairs I cannot trust what she is dong downstairs etc. The only thing I can think of is to not leave her alone for a second, make he stay by your side for a few days and when she wants to go do her own thing, say she can't. And remind her that THIS is what it feels like to not be trusted. Take her outside to do yard work (or to watch you do yard work), make her sit outside your door while you shower etc, make her go everywhere with you. When she gets upset about you questioning her, checking her pockets etc, remind her that THIS is what it feels like not to be trusted. Give her no opportunity to take things for a few days and see if that makes a difference? Then let her go off on her own for small amounts of time, constantly checking on her and praise her when she doesn't take anything. Remind her that you are trusting her to go play in her room/be downstairs. Then praise that trust. I would be very matter of fact about it - she may get upset at you 'accusing' her if you need to check but again, remind her that this is what happens when she cannot be trusted. That's probably what I would do in your situation, I have done similar with my eldest and it did work for her. She had to feel what it was like rather than me telling her she was untrustworthy.
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28/12/2012, 07:23 AM
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Posts: 171
Joined: 14-April 09
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We took DS to the police station and got a police officer to explain why it was wrong. Never did it again.
Some kids just don't get that it is serious until they see the very serious consequences.
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28/12/2012, 07:44 AM
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Posts: 2,545
Joined: 13-March 07
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when you look into the eye's of a child there you will find
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QUOTE (CCLady @ 28/12/2012, 12:03 AM)  The only thing I can think of is to not leave her alone for a second, make he stay by your side for a few days and when she wants to go do her own thing, say she can't. And remind her that THIS is what it feels like to not be trusted. Take her outside to do yard work (or to watch you do yard work), make her sit outside your door while you shower etc, make her go everywhere with you. When she gets upset about you questioning her, checking her pockets etc, remind her that THIS is what it feels like not to be trusted.
Give her no opportunity to take things for a few days and see if that makes a difference? Then let her go off on her own for small amounts of time, constantly checking on her and praise her when she doesn't take anything. Remind her that you are trusting her to go play in her room/be downstairs. Then praise that trust. I would be very matter of fact about it - she may get upset at you 'accusing' her if you need to check but again, remind her that this is what happens when she cannot be trusted.
That's probably what I would do in your situation, I have done similar with my eldest and it did work for her. She had to feel what it was like rather than me telling her she was untrustworthy. Yep that is what I was thinking as well. if she has lost the trust you had for her she has to earn it back and this is a great way.
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28/12/2012, 04:33 PM
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Posts: 115
Joined: 3-December 05
From: Kellyville
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Thanks everyone for your replies. My DH and I had a big talking to her this morning and we have agreed on keeping herr with us at all times. I've explained she needs to earn our trust back. She has had to follow me around like a puppy all day and she is hating it. I have contemplated a trip to the police station as well however thought I would save that as a last resort.. Here's hoping this has an effect, I am finding this the most difficult age by far!
Thanks again for your replies and time, appreciate it.
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