[mumto3princesses]

Just curious for those with older twins and whether you have asked that they be together or seperate? And if you have gone that way the whole way through or changed as they get older?

DD#2 and DD#3 will be in Year 4 next year. We decided seperate for FYOS and also Year 1. But then towards the end of Year 1 one of the girls teachers asked me whether we still wanted them seperate or if we wanted them together the following year. They had often opened up the wall and combined the Year 1 classes during the year so I knew they worked fine with each other in the same room so we decided that together would be good.

Year 2 was a pretty good year for them and only having 1 teacher made things easier especially sorting out the parent/teacher interviews. They asked me again towards the end of year 2 and we kept them together again this year. I wasn't asked this year so I don't know whether they will just assume we would prefer them together or if they plan on splitting them. Guess I will see when they go back to school.

Whatever they do is fine with me really but honestly 1 teacher and 1 class to get to for the Year 4 meeting at the start of the year and being able to pick 1 approximate time x2 for parent teacher meetings rather than 2 seperate days so they don't clash is much easier. Not to mention having DD#3 there to remind DD#2 to put her glasses on and ensure DD#2 doesn't take any lollies off any relief teachers they have (she has an allergy but can be stubborn) does make things easier on me.

But just curious if you have a choice whether you have changed your mind about them being together or seperate as they get older?

[mad madam mim]

My two start school next year (they have grown up too fast ) we decided to ask that they be separate after speaking to 3 teachers that we know (family friend, brothers girlfriend and a friend I went through school/tafe with), they all knew DD and DS2 personally so figured they would have the best idea on what would be best, they all suggested we separate them so this is what we have done. DS2 and DD fight quite a bit so we are hoping that by giving them some space from each other they will be more inclined to be nicer while at home. Their classes are right next to each other and they will still see each other at recess and lunch. How they go in 2013 will obviously change what we will decide on doing in 2014.

[Butterscotch]

I think there is no deadset rule on this as it comes down to personalities as well.
We agonised terribly about whether to keep our girls together or to separate them when starting school last year. Whilst they weren't so close that they relied heavily on each other they did tend to "stick" together and support each other ie. where one had a weakness the other would "pick up the slack" and vice versus, if that makes any sense? eg. one at the time was less confident in meeting new people so the other would kind of lead in that, also one was stronger academically and would assist the other. It was a great partnership actually now that I think about it, however it also concerned me that they weren't developing individually as they just kinda knew their sister would pick up and attend to any difficulties if that makes sense. However, they were both really very shy and one of my girls prone to getting quite anxious but would be greatly comforted by having her sister there. Starting school was exciting, yet kinda scary with the unknowns! We had many discussions with their kindy teacher (they went to a Montessori pre-school so they had the same kindy teacher for 2 full years so she knew them very well) who said that she thought it best they stay together. Her reasoning, she said, was that starting school was more about getting used to being at school, the routines etc. We are in SA so it is called reception which is full time school but is what I call a "tokenstic school year". She felt that academically they were well and truly capable for their age and so it was more important to focus on their psychological wellbeing and keeping them together would greatly assist that. They had a great year and whilst they still stuck together they also grew confidence to branch out on their own.

This year (year 1) they stayed together again but that was because the whole class stayed together. Again it worked very well. We had many discussions with their teacher throughout the year to check that it was working, and continued those discussions to decide if they would stay together for year 2 or separate (I refuse to have the school dictate to us whether or not they stay together and have been very clear that we are to be part of the decision process!! They have been supportive of this so far). After many discussions both their teacher and my husband and I decided that keeping together would be best. We also discussed with THEM what they wanted and they want to stay together too. I do think they would have been fine if separated though, but keeping them together is as much about convenience as anything as my youngest starts school next year! I think though that for year 3 we might consider separating them, just so they can start finding their independence, but will see where they are at later in the year next year.

Wow, sorry, huge story, but basically I think that their individual personalities and needs should be considered, and also to talk to the children. Also to talk with the teacher as well who knows the children. One concern I raised with the teacher this year is that if they were separated next year that could they please also "split" their friend groups between the classes! I didn't want to see one of my girls go to a class with all their friends (they share a group of friends) whilst the other went to a class without any of their friends!!

[mumto3princesses]

Thanks.

Was just curious really if many people say start them out together and then seperate and stay that way or start seperate and then together like we did.

Now that I think about it I hope the school has just assumed I still want them together. I didn't think to speak to them towards the end of the year so whatever they did will be how it is. Actually, I did think of it but wasn't sure what I thought so didn't get around to talking to them about it.

Because we seperated them in Kindergarten and Year 1 they do have a few different friends. But they also play together at times too. We initially seperated them for a few reasons. Firstly because DD#2 seemed way more ahead than DD#3 and we were concerned how she would take that when she realised. (DD#2 pretty much taught herself to read simple books before starting school and was writing her name while DD#3 ran away from books LOL and could just sort of write her first letter of her name) DD#3 also seemed to rely on DD#2 emotionally and would look for her and seem to need her nearby a fair bit and but on the flip side DD#3 had always acted like a little mummy to DD#2.

Since we put them back together the past 2 years things have been good. DD#2 was still a bit ahead of DD#3 but it wasn't as obvious as DD#3 was pretty much right on average. DD#3 reminds DD#2 to wear her glasses. And get the notes and reminds DD#2 to get her stuff that she would otherwise leave behind etc. DD#2 had friend issues and used to run off on friends because she changed her mind so she didn't have any really close friends. As they were coming out of the same class DD#3 actually helped her a bit. We have since found she has ADHD and she is medicated so she isn't as scatterbrained now. LOL

It does make it much easier for me with them in the same class. One PE day to remember and not who does PE which day and remind them to wear sneakers. One Gymnastics day (1st term next year) One library day, one teacher if there is anything to discuss. Not to mention DD#3 reminding DD#2 of anything if she is having a scatterbrained day.

This post has been edited by mumto3princesses: 27/12/2012, 05:09 PM

[Twinmum+2]

My two start school next year (they have grown up too fast ) we decided to ask that they be separate after speaking to 3 teachers that we know (family friend, brothers girlfriend and a friend I went through school/tafe with), they all knew DD and DS2 personally so figured they would have the best idea on what would be best, they all suggested we separate them so this is what we have done. DS2 and DD fight quite a bit so we are hoping that by giving them some space from each other they will be more inclined to be nicer while at home. Their classes are right next to each other and they will still see each other at recess and lunch. How they go in 2013 will obviously change what we will decide on doing in 2014.

This is pretty much the same for my two boys. We were advised by their preschool teacher to put them into separate classes for kindy, as one of the boys tends to give the other one a bit of a hard time sometimes. They thought it would be good to give them a break. We've explained it to them, and the classes are often together anyway, so I'm hoping it will turn out ok, but I'll let you know later on! I swear I'm more nervous about it than they are though

[JustinsMumplus1]

Hi, from a different point of view, I am a twin, my twin sister a I were in the same class until grade 6, then together again from year 7 to year 10 then separated again.

If I had twins I would separate them always, then they have separate friends , are treated as individuals and there is less comparisons.

In yr 10 I asked to be separate I was sick of bring in my sisters shadow....in my eye the teachers saw us as one...what she could do I should be able to do aswell.

To this day I now hate being compared to anyone, I hate my ids being compared etc

I have PND and as part of my therapy I am seeing a psychio therapist and only this week we went back to my schooling to investigate how I was treated and if it is was is part of the complex issues affecting me now.

Sorry for the long story but I guess seeing it from another angle:)

GL

[mumto3princesses]

Thanks

Good to see from that point of view too.

I guess with my girls its a little different. They are so different that they have always been seen as individuals.

Last year was good for DD#2 in paticular as she now has a few good friends and a best friend. She struggled a bit in the past friends wise but is now good. Their friends groups are very different possibly because we seperated them for the first couple of years although they do also play together sometimes too. My girls are so different that unless they know them already and their surnames then they don't know they are twins or even related. They even had a student teacher once who was told there were twin girls in the class and she still couldn't pick them.

In fact I heard one mum asked another mum about them at a friends birthday party recently quite confused as she had heard they were twins. I thought she knew but I guess not lol. They will be in year 4 this year.

Oh, and no chance of them being together in high school unless they ask for it themselves for the first year. (They get asked for a list of about 3 friends they would like to be with and they try to put them with at least 1) after the first year they will get mixed around a lot and there is almost 200 per year!

[jak'n'jil]

Mine will be 10 in March. We have had them seperated every year until they repeated Grade 2. They have had different friends each year and it has worked well. One child is far more outgoing and has a lot of friends, the other has anxiety, adhd not as popular which tends to make life a little harder for her. Being in the same class they ended up with the same best friend.. Last year they were seperated again with one staying with the best friend and the other left very disappointed.

Giving them their own space and identity has worked pretty well apart from the seperate teacher issues and various activities on different days. Hardest part I think is trying to remember the teachers names and their new friends each year!

[twinmumplus1]

Mine have made the choice in conjunction with their teacher and us each year. This year, they have chosen to go their separate ways. Each year they chose, the teacher would ask them to outline why, and they did.

They have separate friends in the same class - but being boys, they normally play football/soccer/cricket/basketball in a big group, so although they aren't playing together directly in the same group, they are still in the same group.

I really do fail to see however how having separate classes defines their identity. I thought that was defined by their personality?

[doubledelight]

We made the decision when our two started school that we were going to separate and it was the best thing we ever did. I'm quite firm with the school that I don't want them together.

I think being separated encourages them to develop as individuals, it also discourages comparisons and in our case it stops the dominant twin "doing" for the other.

I have b/g twins and they have separate and common friendship groups. We've always made it clear to their peers that we don't expect both to be included just because they are twins.

It definitely would be easier for us if they were in the same class but ultimately it isn't about us it's about what is best for our children.