[Felix101]

DS is 7 months, and has been on solids for just a couple of weeks. We are doing baby-led weaning, so he is usually given some of whatever we have at meals.

My MIL in particular loves to give him pretty much everything I don't want him to have, in particular things with sugar (such as buscuits - which she feeds him the second I turn my back). I have spoken to her about the fact that I don't want him eating sugary and processed foods (explaining that yes, that includes ice cream in a cone... No he doesn't want it, because he doesn't know what it is and I'd like it to stay that way). I cook a lot and hate processed foods for my DH and I, so it's not surprising that I feel the same way for DS. My MIL told me I was being silly, and a little bit wasn't going to hurt. Whilst I see where she's coming from I asked her to respect my decision. She said ok. Then asked 15min later if she could give him another biscuit (granted, this time she asked... Haha). I said no... She waited til I went out for 10min and gave it to him then....

I don't see her much, so I'm normally ok at handling it, but given the festive season she is going to be around a bit, as will the rest of DHs side of the family, who I know are going to be the same.

I'm not very confrontational, and whilst I explain things, I know they will just pretend to listen and start feeding him even more of what I don't want him to have. I'm ok with letting the odd thing slide, but it's going to be so much more than that.

So I'm interested to hear how others have handled meddling family who can't just let you feed your child how you would like to

[CherryAmes]

Yep, this is my mum to a tee. Always gives my toddler chocolate when I'm not looking. Tried to give her coke one day (!!!) but my partner saw her and told her off so she never tried that again. And she wonders why I won't let her babysit!

[soontobegran]

I'd be more concerned about the fact that she ignored your requests rather than the fact that your little one had a biscuit.
You need to let her know you are angry about her defying you.

[Pooks*potters]

I think you need to pick your battles and have a good think about whether this is worth the angst. This time of year is tough enough as it is. If it were me, I'd let it go. Chances are that the more you push, the more she will push back. One strategy I've used is to sit back and let DS eat whatever it is, without comment, and then say after a few moments " looks like you enjoyed trying that, it's nice trying new things just for a little taste, thanks grandma" and then I take it off him and eat it myself. I honestly CBF having drama over something like a bikkie.

[MrsShine]

Unfortunately this is just what (most) grandparents do! We were raised very healthily on a Mostly vegetarian diet, and not a lot of treats and my sister is now very big on cooking, organic food, unprocessed etc. etc. yet our own parents will happily buy her DS a block of chocolate! Not a bar - a whole BLOCK!!! He also gets iced chocolates with whipped cream, Coke, lemonade and hot chips regularly when he's in their care....she is completely exasperated about it. But he's 11yrs old now so it's not going to change. For some reason GP's just like to spoil the GC! If its not every day like you say I wouldn't worry abt it oo much.

[tamjk]

Perhaps try a different tactic?

I let my relatives feed my children whatever they want on one condition. They have to tell me exactly and in detail what has gone into the child's mouth so that I know what they have eaten in case of a reaction. I figured they were going to sneak foods to my kids behind my backs and my family seems to be a bit more responsible about what they give my kids.

What would you rather? Your MIL being open and upfront about giving your child processed foods and you knowing what they've eaten if they react to it or your MIL vehemently denying giving your child anything and your child having a violent reaction to it and ending up in hospital with you unable to tell the medical professionals what your child ingested to cause the reaction?

[cinnabubble]

I'd just keep him away from her. She doesn't respect you and your choices enough to listen, so don't give her the opportunity.

[Lalliana]

I know how you feel OP. We have my DSD on Failsafe due to suspected ADD however my MIL thinks it's nonsense and that there is nothing wrong with her. I know she does try and buys things thinking they will be ok (like organic sausages which are not failsafe) but aren't. I've tried to tell her what is ok and what isn't but I've found that it's easier now just to pack everything she can eat when she goes over there and hope that my DSD follows her diet despite possible temptation. I know it's difficult but you have to accept that sometimes family just doesn't listen.

[mini mac]

I hear your pain. This was exactly me about a year ago with my MIL and DS1.

When you say you don't want your child to have something for ANY reason, you would think family would listen, especially when you've said it multiple times.

My reasons weren't dissimilar to yours, but also MIL would give DS1 food he wasn't ready for and choke worthy for a baby (she would give him whatever his 13 month senior cousin was having... Let's just say he ate and got whatever he wanted, way too much sugar IMO)... I didn't want DS to have so much sugar so young, there was absolutely no need!

For the first few months I really tried to stopped her. I kept explaining my aversion to my little one having so much processed sugar. Especially as I usually had brought food just for him knowing what she would ply him with, it was really frustrating! She would give him sugary biscuits and packet junk/lollies/chocolate when a healthy salad was on the table that he would happily munch on, or he'd already eaten enough and kept loading him up on sugar.

In the end, as DS got a bit older too, I got sick of repeating myself, I felt like such a stick in the mud, DH's family would all listen to me make excuses for why I didn't want DS to eat whatever he was being given...

So I've compromised, as long as DS has eaten some healthy stuff now I let MIL give a few treats (not even half as many as his older cousin gets!) and then I'll say he's had enough. Although I don't really like it, she gets to spoil him a bit and I don't sound like a broken record. And its not an everyday occurrence, its about every other weekend or so.

In saying all that, if you are firm in your beliefs, you should stick to your guns and keep making your point. If all the family hear her defy you over and over, then if you turn around and say something like 'I won't come visit until you promise not to give my baby xyz etc' there has been enough evidence around for you to not look like a rude DIL.

[mini mac]

Perhaps try a different tactic?

I let my relatives feed my children whatever they want on one condition. They have to tell me exactly and in detail what has gone into the child's mouth so that I know what they have eaten in case of a reaction. I figured they were going to sneak foods to my kids behind my backs and my family seems to be a bit more responsible about what they give my kids.

What would you rather? Your MIL being open and upfront about giving your child processed foods and you knowing what they've eaten if they react to it or your MIL vehemently denying giving your child anything and your child having a violent reaction to it and ending up in hospital with you unable to tell the medical professionals what your child ingested to cause the reaction?

That is a good idea!