[Miss Anthropist]

Our 14MO DD cosleeps and wakes approximately hourly. I put her down in her cot in the evening then she comes into our bed shortly after I go to bed. I haven't had a decent sleep for over a year. it is affecting my relationship with DH as we have no uninterrupted time together because she wakes so frequently in the evening. I think we need to change something.

Sorry, I know I've asked similar questions before, but I guess I'm still hoping for that magic solution.

How can we make the transition from cosleeping to cot as gently as possible? Any suggestions?

BTW, I feed her to sleep but have, at different times, experimented with patting to sleep and she can be patted to sleep with a bit of effort.

[divineM]

If you want to change things you will have to teach your LO to self settle. This will inevitably involve some protesting. I'm Of the school of thought that says happy mum and dad must be good for bubs so if they have to cry a little to get there so be it. My suggestion would be to find a sleep school or a sleep nanny who can work at your level (I talked to mine before she came out to make sure she wasn't going to suggest anything I wasn't willing to do). Whether you are feeding or patting or whatever al the way to asleep it still means bubs needs you every time they wake overnight.

[axiomae]

You'll have to teach self settling. It will be hard on you, but overall better for everyone. Both you, your DH and your LO will be better rested for it. There is no magic solution, sorry.

[sarkazm76]

You don't HAVE to teach self-settling and if you do please try and find a way that involves as little stress for bubs as possible and as little crying for both you and her too! Have you tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, for example?
Is she in your in bed? My DH used to sleep on a mattress on the floor as he didn't like sharing with me and bubs in our bed. We set the cot up as a co-sleeper and it's much better for all of us. We took the side off the cot and so DS has his own space but can come over to us if he needs to. It's fantastic - DH has been back in our bed for ages and DS is still happy and secure being close to us.
Most important thing is not to start forcing her out all of a sudden. She is used to sleeping close to you and suddenly expecting her to lay down and sleep on her own in another lcoation is going to be very stressful for her. She will not understand in any sort of logical way at her age. Sorry, I'm not trying to guilt you as I know the pain of sleep deprivation... but you need to be careful of how you do things too.
What happens if you leave her in her cot? If' she's waking hourly in your bed what does she do in the cot?

[ruth79]

my ds didn't stop doing that till i weaned at 17 months... the actual weaning was much easier than i thought it would be though; i think we were both ready.

[Relish*]

DS was a little younger but I would bring him into our bed to feed like normal, get him fed, burped, and really sleepy, then pop him gently back into his bed. The first few night's he protested a bit but eventually he actually slept better in his own bed, and now sleeps through most nights without a feed. Not sure about a magic solution, though, sorry!

[divineM]

You don't HAVE to teach self-settling and if you do please try and find a way that involves as little stress for bubs as possible and as little crying for both you and her too!

Un fortunately if OP wants to change her circumstances she does have to teach self settling and she is asking how to change things not how to keep the status quo which is clearly causing unhappiness in the family!

[sarkazm76]

I don't think it's OK to tell her there is only ONE option. Without more info from the OP I don't think you can jump straight to self settling as the only option available. That's all.

[divineM]

OP is asking how to stop co-sleeping and reduce waking. It's a widely accepted fact that this requires the baby or toddler to learn to self settle. Teaching to self settle is not the same as CC. CC is one way but there are others. Self settling is the outcome not the approach.

[libbylu]

We followed the book 'sleep right sleep tight' at exactly this age, due to exactly the same problem. I had to feed my DS to sleep hourly and it was really taking its toll.
The book advocates 'controlled comforting' and there was a lot of protesting from DS, but only for 3 nights and then, miraculously, he slept through the night for 9 months + before we had another regression at around age 2, but by that point I had weaned, so it was less of an issue.

I am not an advocate of controlled crying or similar techniques with little babies, but once they are old enough to understand the language and the basic idea that they just need to lie down and go to sleep in their own cot, then I think it doesn't do any harm, as long as you approach it sensibly and they are in a healthy loving environment. We did the technique where you keep going back in every few minutes to pat and settle until they are calm and relaxed, but leave the room before they fall asleep, so they learn to self settle. It took about 2 hours the first night, 30 minutes the second, 5 minutes the third, and then he slept through. I just picked three days where I wasn't working, steeled myself, and went for it, and we were both so much happier afterwards as he was much more rested by morning. His day naps improved too.