[Natttmumm]

Today DD2 had an explosive meltdown. We were driving home after having a swim and I'm driving on the highway. She drops her shoe and starts crying for me to get it. I can't stop and I can't reach it as we have a big car. She then escalates and hysterically screams the whole 15 mins home. She continues at home. Eventually I put her in time out which escalated the tantrum and she threw all her toys around her room. So I took the toys out.
Eventually after about an hour she stopped saying she wanted a hug. I gave her a hug and explained the behaviour was not right etc etc.
DD is 3. She is asleep now
Any tips on how you would deal with that situation. I feel really stressed about it all and not sure what I should have done.

[Yomumma]

She sounded like she was just over tired..I think you did the right thing..Sorry, not much help!

[living~in~the~no...]

Today DD2 had an explosive meltdown. We were driving home after having a swim and I'm driving on the highway. She drops her shoe and starts crying for me to get it. I can't stop and I can't reach it as we have a big car. She then escalates and hysterically screams the whole 15 mins home. She continues at home. Eventually I put her in time out which escalated the tantrum and she threw all her toys around her room. So I took the toys out.
Eventually after about an hour she stopped saying she wanted a hug. I gave her a hug and explained the behaviour was not right etc etc.
DD is 3. She is asleep now
Any tips on how you would deal with that situation. I feel really stressed about it all and not sure what I should have done.

Sounds like you did the right thing. Stay calm.

This post has been edited by living~in~the~now: 20/12/2012, 11:29 AM

[lorywhol]

Not sure if this would have worked but I saw it on a UK tv series.

She said sit on the floor with your child facing outwards (so not looking at you but looking forward)- you hold them firmly in your lap and just comfort - not too much chatting.

I think the theory is that the child is emotional they are actually beyond the point of being able to express emotion. So all you are doing as a parent is coming straight down to their level and assuring them you are there until they calm down.

The first few minutes are the hardest because that may be when they want to fight/flight. But she said persevere during that time. But don't make eye contact, as that may be seen as confrontational.

[FlutterbyBlue]

Sounds like you handled it very well. The only things I would change would be: I would have put her in time out as soon as we got home; and I would have explained the behaviour was not acceptable, rather than 'not right'.

for you both.

[Natttmumm]

Thanks for the reassurance. Should I give the toys back when she wakes up?
She will ask for them as soon as she wakes up?

[opethmum]

I would tell your daughter that her behaviour in the car was not acceptable. You need to tell her that it is not ok to stop in the car for anything but going to the toilet and that it is it.
I would have put her straight to bed from the car and not bothered with all the in between.
Cars are dangerous and having her yell and carry on like that is dangerous for you and your ability to concentrate and she needs to know that.

[divineM]

Not sure if this would have worked but I saw it on a UK tv series.

She said sit on the floor with your child facing outwards (so not looking at you but looking forward)- you hold them firmly in your lap and just comfort - not too much chatting.

I think the theory is that the child is emotional they are actually beyond the point of being able to express emotion. So all you are doing as a parent is coming straight down to their level and assuring them you are there until they calm down.

The first few minutes are the hardest because that may be when they want to fight/flight. But she said persevere during that time. But don't make eye contact, as that may be seen as confrontational.

My Dd is only 21 months so it's early days but I currently do a version of this where I will lie on the couch and say "Mummy is lying down, when you are finished and ready for a hug come over". kind of like time out but not putting her anywhere or leaving her - i see it as me not engaging in the theatrics. mine had a similar one in the car yesterday. she was holding one of those bubble blowers and was out of the mixture - she wanted me to produce more mixture while driving the car! I listened to about 30 minutes of hysterical "more bubbles!" screams.

[howdo]

I wouldn't put kids in time out during a full on tantrum. I might put them to bed, or sit and hold them facing outwards until they stop.

Abandoning a child who's out of control is contrary to helping them regain control. Talking quietly to a child who's 'lost it' is my preferred course of action. If time out was to be employed in this situation I would only do it if that had been a consequence mentioned as part of the car tantrum and it would have been done straight away as the consequence to the car tantrum. Time out for being out of control is counterproductive.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

I agree with Howdo.

We need to remember kids don't have full control over their emotions and those intense feelings scare them as well. They really need us during those moments.

Look into the Circle of Security, in particular Circle of Repair