[CCLady]

And if so, in what circumstances? And I mean blatantly rude, not ill-mannered.

I just had a rather interesting phone call tonight and this person was SO RUDE to me! It's a situation that just didn't need to be rude, irate or aggressive and if I was the type to buck up we would have had a full on yelling match over the phone. This woman set the tone as soon as soon as I answered the phone. She was irate and it seemed like she was ready for me to bite and fight with her.

When does assertiveness become rudeness? Why do people think they can just be so rude to others when there is no need?!

Anyway I avoided a huge blow with her by remaining calm, offering solutions to what she had a problem with and not being rude back to her. I completely believe if I had have come back at her it would have been extremely distressing for me.

I just come across rude people so much. I would hate to be seen as a rude person, and I am fascinated by people who don't give a rats if they are so rude.

Thoughts?

[SeaPrincess]

By definition, if its rude (offensively impolite or ill-mannered), it's unacceptable.

[erindiv]

You can't just not tell us what it was about...

[Liadan]

Working retail, I come across some absolute pearlers.

The best one I've had recently was my first customer for my shift a couple weeks back, attempted to pay, and the chip on his card wouldn't read, he wanted me to override the system so he could swipe, I got midway through trying to explain that I cannot override it until he has made a certain amount of attempts when he interrupted with "I get the message! I won't be shopping here again".

He started again when I asked to check the signature on his card (which he had put away). "The last lady didn't need to check, why do you?"

He then went and complained about me... probably because I told him that I love it when my first customer of the day is grumpy (it shot out my mouth before it got filtered).

But, to be fair, he was a grumpy sod. I was pleasant and polite to him from the moment he shoved in front of another customer in order to get out of the store, apart from me calling him grumpy (HEY! someone has to call them out!)

[Delirium]

The only way rudeness could be acceptable is if someone is in danger e.g. you scream at someone as a warning or shove them out of the way if they're going to be hit by a car.

[blithely2]

Are you talking about people who don't understand your boundaries or where your limits of acceptable lie? I think they're just too self absorbed to realise that their behaviour negatively affects the way they interact with others. In their minds they are victims of everyone else being aggressive rather than owning their behaviour. JMO

[CCLady]

Oh sorry, it's a work issue.

I just wanted to know really why people think they can be rude!? Why some people think it is actually acceptable to be rude!

I wonder if there is an ex-rude person on EB, who has seen the polite light and kicked rude away... and will fess up and tell me.

[*Lib*]

I am constatly shocked by how rude people are on the phone when they are needing my help.

[CCLady]

I think they're just too self absorbed to realise that their behaviour negatively affects the way they interact with others. In their minds they are victims of everyone else being aggressive rather than owning their behaviour.

This is a good explanation actually. And maybe to an extent they do know how their behavior affects others but just don't care?

[CallMeProtart]

Dunno. I'm considering being pretty rude to my SIL.
She's a lovely lady but FRIG her communication style needs some work. She's an expert on EVERYTHING. She cannot listen to anyone any longer than it takes to figure out what advice to give them, and then discount whatever they say.
I think it's an insecurity thing, but honestly, it's ridiculous and drives me nuts. It was terrible when I was pregnant, she'd go on about how everyone would give me advice - and then proceed to lecture me more than anyone! Even more ridiculous was when I was preggers the 2nd time around.... "Oh wait till he goes on solids..."
I said "I do have one already, you know"
She backpedalled with "oh no but you know two of them" yada yada


So I'm trying to line up some very concise but firm lines that could stop her in her tracks and make her realise how ridiculous she's being. I suspect many of these will be rude.

For instance we were offerred to go stay with some friends on their week away, they are a family of 4 and hired a 2br apartment, and said we could stay in the other room for a night or so if we came up. She starts up with "How can they have another room. There's four of them. Sweetie. They're using both rooms..." etc etc
What I said was something like "ok well ANYWAY they say we can stay with them etc etc"
When I'd really have liked a concise version of "Well actually, I'm not interested in your opinion on their sleeping arrangements and how many rooms you think they need - THEY said they had a spare room and wow, I'm going to believe the people who actually made the statement, are doing the trip, and who will bear the consequences. Astounding hey."
But she'd never listen for long enough for me to get that out.

So I'm thinking of something shorter but ruder, like
"Actually - not that interested in your double-guessing of their statements"
Or, on various topics
"You know, you're not ACTUALLY the expert on this"
or
"Imagine how much more you'd know if you actually listened to people"
or
"SIL. Giving advice is not actually compulsory"

etc. etc.

All of which are pretty rude, but it's either that or wring her neck.