[neaka]

Hi everyone,

DS2 is somewhat of a mummys boy....He loves the boob and only sleeps solidly when he is pressed up against me in our bed. I guess you could say i attachment parented him without really meaning to? With DS1 i was very structured, we had a routine and he went straight into his cot in his own room from day dot. Im not sure why im so different second time around, of course he is a different baby but ive pretty much done nothing the same even though what we did with DS1 worked well, he slept through from 6 months and has always been quiet independant.

Knowing he is my last baby i guess ive relished in those newborn cuddles and have been happy to pretty much have him on me 24/7.
Now, 6 months on though, im feeling the need to create some distance? Ive gone back to work 2 days per week and lets just say he is not a happy camper when im not around. He will take a bottle but reluctantly and will not sleep for anyone but me.
I also have a toddler and feel like i am losing my bond with him because DS2 is so literally attached to me constantly.

My biggest issue at the moment though is getting him to sleep in his own cot. As much as i love having him close to me in bed, DH is not so keen and i think our relationship is suffering so its time to make the change.

Does anyone have any tips? We always put him down around 7pm in his cot but he wakes every 30mins or so till i go to bed at 10 and take him with me....Is it just a case of persisting with settling until he gets that im not going to take him to bed?

Any tips will be appreciated.

[natangel]

Hi Neaka,

I could have written this post word for word as i am experiencing the exact same problem (the only detail or difference being is that i have 2 girls).

I will therefore be this thread with a great deal of interest.

[PurpleNess]

Can you put the cot in your room next to your side of the bed so he can still smell & hear you & you can touch him?

What about his day time naps? does he sleep on you or in the cot? Try putting him down for day sleeps in cot first.

Sorry I don't have any direct experience just thought these ideas might helps? Good Luck

[axiomae]

Start gradually moving him away from you maybe - further away from you in bed, then into his cot with the side down attached to the bed, then with the cot bars up next to your bed, then further away from the bed, etc etc until he is in your room. I've heard that can work.

Or you could do it cold turkey - self settling and all that. Would be quicker although harder in the short term. Whatever you're comfortable with.

[KRT]

The first thing to do is decide what you want, and what you're willing to try to get there. It sounds like you're clear on wanting your DS in his own cot, rather than in a sidecar set up.

If that's right, I would suggest you set aside a week or so with no other committments, and work for every sleep in the cot, with whatever settling is needed to make that happen. If your DH is wanting to have your DS in his own bed, this is when he gets to do the hard work. It sounds like 10pm is the time when you tend to give up (I would too!), so I would suggest you go to bed early, with ear plugs, and get your DH to do all settling in the cot until midnight. Then you've had a decent bit of sleep first and hopefully it's a bit easier for you to persist with settling in the cot.

There will be tears. Probably from both you and your DS. There are lots of strategies in the no-cry books to help get you there, but there will be tears despite the title.

I, however, prefer to get things over and done with. With my DS, he would have found the further and further away to be more distressing - if I was there, why wasn't I right there with him? - but every baby is different.

[Mum2TwoDSs]

Hi OP,

I can identify with you in various areas - the last baby, the attachment, a boob baby, having an older child to take care of...

However mine is two months old, I don't take him to our bed at night. I do take him to our bed from 5 am onwards when his fussy hours start and I BF and sleep with him till 7 or 8am becos he doesn't want anything else but me.

I would say with the night routine persist on. How do you put him in his cot at 7pm?

For us we put bub to his cot between 8-9pm depending on when his last nap was. We swaddle and put him in cot then give dummy. He would happily suck on it till he wants attention. We would pick him up, cuddle, tell him its time he goes to sleep, put him down again. If he whines or cries we do ssshhhhing...louder but calmly. After a few nights he's all good and take that as the cue to go to bed. It works for our bub somehow for bed time he doesn't protest much with this routine, not much crying for him. This routine doesn't work for his nap time unfortunately.

[Joey11]

I've recently read "Dream Baby Guide" by Sheyne Rowley and found it really useful. Not quite the same situation but 9mo DS used to only go to sleep on the bottle or in my arms, using that book (and having one fairly horrible week, I have to admit), he now gets himself to sleep without fuss day and night.

I agree with a PP that you have to decide what you want and be prepared to put in some work for it. I took the view that it's better to have a hard week but at the end of it have taught DS the really valuable skill of getting himself to sleep rather than having to rely on me to do it.

I borrowed some books from the library to get different perspectives, some had more gentle ways to change this kind of sleeping behaviour, but it takes much longer and you're trying to teach the same lesson after all. I liked the Dream Baby Guide because it talks about how to communicate with your baby so they know what is coming and how to deal with it; and how to not confuse them about when you will and won't be there to settle them. There's an outline of her methods on her website.