[rose_butterfly]

My DP & I had been TTC for 3 1/2 years and finally found out we were expecting a couple of weeks ago.

However we really wanted this but are not feeling excited as we lost our beautiful girl to a life threatening condition when she was 6m of age.

I cannot seem to feel attached in anyway to this baby as Im really scared for something to happen again, this time it would really break us especially our almost 7 yr old daughter who still talks constantly about her little sister daily which is hard.

We had no idea about our daughters condition during our pregnancy which she had an heart abnormality ??? as well as other issues, I will never forget the words the midwife used when pregnant after a couple of issues with my 20 wk scan, It wont be a syndrome as it comes in clusters.. Well it was a syndrome and was told everything looks good just rest up and take it easy as you may deliver early this was said after our checkup scan at 27weeks.

I am so nervous, losing our little girl has affected me in so many ways as a person I am today. I know that having another baby will not replace Kaitlin which I would not want this, but would heal the heart a little and it tears at the heart strings that our daughter has no sibling to grow up with.

Thanks for reading.

[jules363]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can imagine it must be so very hard though, and it's understandable that you are afraid. I hope this baby heals your hearts a little. Sorry for the loss of Kaitlin.

[Bek+3]

I can't imagine how difficult this must be. Take care and I hope 2013 brings wonderful things into your lives. My thoughts are with you.

[Jroc]

Hi. I'm new to EB. Just wanted to say congratulations. And I hope all goes well. I'm sure it will. We lost our second baby due to spina bifida. We found out at out 20 week scan that baby Harry was severely deformed from spina bifida and on the advice from all the best drs our best option was termination (i hate that word). It was a really hard time for my husband and I, as well as explaining to our 2 year old that there was not going to be baby. But we have come out the other side and now have a beautiful 8 month old, Teddy who is perfect in every way. When i was pregnant with Teddy it is really scary thinking that things will go wrong again, but it didn't and I'm sure it won't for you, Everything will be fine. Wishing you all the best. Xx

[SuburbnJournalis...]

I am really sorry for your loss and congratulations on your long awaited baby.

I have some experience with what you're going through. I was petrified during a pregnancy after losing our baby girl. I behaved quite strangely with some things. I didn't like talking about being pregnant or hearing baby stories and would leave conversations that started on these topics. I didn't have a baby shower or get any photos of me pregnant. I wouldn't go on a babymoon. There was no "nursery" and I took a long time to get a cot. I didn't read any pregnancy books or have a birth plan.

Now I have the most delicious adorable baby. The only thing I would change about how I handled the pregnancy would be to get a photo of me at the end. I'd love to show this baby what I looked like. I got through it.

I think it's ok to be worried but just make sure it's not impacting you in a negative way. There's a grey area between "totally ok" and "neurotic", stay in the grey and the 9 months will be over soon enough. If you drift into the neurotic range, the SIDs & Kids organisation have a fantastic counselling service.

Hope that helped a bit. Be kind to yourself.

[rose_butterfly]

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Sorry to SuburbnJournalista & Jroc to have been in a similar journey. Your stories make me have some hope to having a healthy child.

It seems like almost these 2 weeks since finding out we are expecting have taken forever, I can only imagine what the next 3 weeks are going to be until our NT scan and the rest of important scans & testswe will be having to do this time around.

As for our first born daughter. She was born at 37 weeks due to low amniotic fluid and the moved my C-Sec date forward due to this. I had a ECG everday for almost 2 weeks until they delivered DD. She was born at 6ld 3oz and what seemed like a healthy little girl.

Then came signs as shew grew and developed. She was sitting up early, crawling on time, and walking at 11 months, also sipping out of a straw cup at 8 months of age whereas alot of people were amazed at her doing this and talking which we thought she'd be an early talker. She then went backwards at 14m, stopped talking etc. I noticed things were different with her then her little sister arrived staying in hospital for the 1st 3m , DD1 was missing out on alot which we put it down to this as she was approaching 2. We than did Speech and her little sister passed away. After assesments and therapy she was diagnosed as she was approaching 5 and starting prep with Mild Intellectual Impairment. This came as a shock to us as she seemed to be doing all the normal milestones on time for her age in the 1st 12 months. Then 8 months later she also has ADHD

We kind of have a feeling was in imnunisation that had done this to our DD1 as we watch DVD's and she seemed to respond to us in the 1st year.

Im now worried if something is with DP & I , I have always wanted to be a mum, although our daughter is the sunshine of my life, though since she was diagnosed we had it tough but dealing with it & she seems to be improving. I would love a healthy little bubby to bring home and so scared and feel robbed that we should be over the moon for this pregnancy and yet dont feel this as we wanted this for so long.

[rose_butterfly]

We had a scan on the 20th Dec. Everything looked good & heartbeat was strong.

4 days later christmas Eve morning at 4am I had a gush of bright red blood.
After blood test for HCG our reading was good which was 77000 today at 7 weeks.

Scan showed a perigestional Sac Haetoma. Has anyone experienced this. Would love to hear of your advice. After 3 1/2 years of trying for a baby and after losing our little girl I feel like we have been shattered once again.

We just have to wait this out if we go on to having a miscarriage or bubby holds on strong.

[rubylilysmum]

Wow I have just come across this thread, congratulations K on your pregnancy, I am so excited for you.
As you know my pregnancies after stillbirths haven't been sucessful i can understand your fears, (pregnancy I fear so much I won't be doing it again) has the bleeding stopped or settled, it is common to bleed throughout your pregnancy.
There is a pregnancy after stillbirth group of fb if you would like me to add you to it.

Mandy