[Lcasey]

Hi all it looks like my MIL is going to come visit from interstate and take the kids one at a time to visit the IL's cattle farm from around Boxing Day. They love it there and we love the break. So that's not the problem.

The problem is that I'm going to be 12w on the 9/1, I've had 2 mc, and didn't want to say anything until January, just in case. But with MIL coming to visit, there is only two ways she is going to take the way I am at the moment: I'm pregnant or seriously sick/lazy. I've known her for 10+ years and am sure of this.

DH is letting me choose what I feel comfortable with but has suggested telling her before she comes (she's under the impression that more than 2 kids is psychotic and is not going to be afraid to speak her mind) so she has time to get over it before she comes. She also scares me a little as she is very dominant and treats us like she thinks we're still teens a lot of the time.

This said, the cattle farm employs 20+ people not including DH's aunts, uncles and grandparents that live and work there too. The kids would find out via station gossip. I want them to find out from us, but I also don't know what I'd tell them or how much they would understand if I lost this one too.

This said, I'm not sure what would be better, letting her think for now I'm lazy/ sick with a possibility she works it out, or telling her and risk something bad happening on top of having to deal with her overt views, having to deal with telling them we lost it. I'm not sure how supportive the IL would be in that case. I'm at a bit of a loss as to what wold be the better way to handle this. So I guess I'm looking for what others might think they'd do in similar circumstances. Tia cheers

[Jenflea]

Personally I'd keep quiet. I'm not a fan of telling before 12 weeks, but that's me.
I have no problems with someone thinking I'm lazy, cos I am!
You could claim a flu or virus easily. And after you do tell her your pregnant then she'll hopefully be understanding. If not, bugger her!

[Mozzie1]

Ug, we had similar concerns around Mothers Day, and I remember the dilemma (in the end, we told).

If you don't tell her now, but tell her in early January when you hit 12 weeks, she will figure out the reason for your previous "laziness". So her view will only be short term, then you can explain why you were acting the way you were. Obviously, if the pregnancy doesn't work out this won't be the case.

But honestly, it sounds like this woman is impossible to please. Who is she to tell you how many children you are allowed to have? My parents in law treat us like teenagers too, and our response has been to stop pandering to them. Somehow, it actually seems to be changing their behavior somewhat.

[countrymel]

I wouldn't tell, and let her think I was lazy for a few weeks.

Definitely sounds the less complicated option.

[epl0822]

Sounds like it'll be less complicated to deny pregnancy and let her sit on her suspicions.

[Freddie'sMum]

When I was pregnant with DD#2 - the receptionist at my work guessed before I had told anyone. I wanted to wait to the 12 week mark - but I was hardly going to deny it.

In your case, I would not tell directly unless asked.

[Escapin]

Don't tell. She can think whatever she likes.

[namie]

I wouldn't tell. I prefer to wait until after the 12 week mark.

I'd rather she think I was lazy (who cares about her incorrect assumptions) or sick. Your DH can beck you up by letting her know you've been a bit unwell which isn't a lie for most people in the early stages.

[doctorseuss]

I would tell your kids before she comes and then tell her when she comes. At almost 10 weeks and feeling so sick this is likely to be a successful pregnancy. Tell her in a positive way and don't take any negative discussion. "It's our decision, its a much wanted baby and we are thrilled".

I told our kids and family at 6 weeks each time.

[Missy Shelby]

TBH she sounds nosey and opinionated, don't tell her and just wait until 12 weeks.

Because of your previous mc I think you would feel more comfortable waiting until then.

Also fact that once she knows she would be telling everyone, would make me keep my news to myself for longer.