[veggiepatchfamil...]

Hi everyone!
I'm sure this has been done 1000 times but I wanted to ask again a little more specific to my situation.

We currently have 2 little boys. 3 y 4 months & 6 months.
DH and I are stuck in a place of what to do as far as having a third.
I know we would love our child so that's not an issue.
The concerns I have are

How much harder financially have you found it? As I am a mum who has to work to make ends meet (6 months off each baby) sending more then 1-2 children to childcare seems kind of pointless as it will take up lots of my wage. (We live a long way from dependable family so no option there).

We have a commodore and live in a little/medium 3 bedroom house (on 15 acres), would we need to upgrade house or car?

The other question really pushing me is 'when'???

The boys were 3 years apart as we had a miscarriage in between.
But it has worked for us, ie DS1 is toilet trained, sleeping through etc.

However I worry about their ages growing up as 3 years is quite a lot (as I am one of 4 under 5).
I thought maybe if we have another 18 months after the second maybe that will help bring them and ages closer together?
However financially for us it makes more sense to wait (another 3 year age gap) so DS1 is in school, but then that's 6 years between oldest and youngest.
How do your kids play together/share interests? My sisters two are 16 month apart boy and girl and play really well together.
Also how did it all work out once they are teenagers? 18 & 12 sounds like a huge gap!!

Please tell me about your family dynamics with children's age gaps, or even your own siblings.
My 3 sisters and I are very very close! DH who is one of 3 but they were all 7 years apart are only getting close now they are all older.

I know it's a very personal decision and no one can make it for me, but I'd love to know the issues around age gaps. Or how mothers feel who just decided not to have a third (as that would make life much easier and we could start getting stuff back together -ie financial).

Hope that all makes sense. Typing on iPhone as I put DS2 to sleep.

Thanks!!

[Pippa26]

The other question really pushing me is 'when'???

However I worry about their ages growing up as 3 years is quite a lot (as I am one of 4 under 5).

Please tell me about your family dynamics with children's age gaps, or even your own siblings.
My 3 sisters and I are very very close! DH who is one of 3 but they were all 7 years apart are only getting close now they are all older.

I dont have kids yet so cant comment on your other questions. In terms of age gaps, this comes from my experience and observations with DH's family.

There is no easy answer - it depends on the children and their personalities and its something you cant predict. Ive seen sisters close in age be best friends and brothers close in age barely talk to each other but brothers 6 years apart be really close.

Sorry this is not much help. But what Im trying to say is dont have kids close in age assuming they will be friends. If it makes mores sense to wait another 3 years, then I would do that.

This post has been edited by Pippa26: 13/12/2012, 08:49 AM

[soontobegran]

It is a tough one because if we had spaced our babies when it was the best time financially for us we probably would have never had more than one.

I know times have changed but I was also working and really needed to be working when we had our children and having them meant we lived on the smell of an oily rag.

Going from 2-3 was actually pretty calm and easy for us in terms of physically managing and DD1 was only 2.5 and DD2 1.5 when our 3rd was born but I did have to go back to work very soon after the birth, much sooner than I actually would have chosen to.
Our 3rd was our most mellow baby , she just slotted in very easily but we did have to trade in our car to a people mover which was also an expense that put us more in the red.

There are so many things that can be worried about that actually may not become a problem for you so it really does depend on how much as a couple you want a third child how you move forward.
I think the decision also should be guided by how much you desire to be back at work and whether your career will take a beating by being away for an extended period.

Lots of luck for your decision OP.

[mumto3princesses]

Hi, I have 1 sister and we are really close. We are 4 years apart.

I don't think 3 years is all that much really. 6 years might seem like a lot at first and sure 18 and 12 sounds like a big difference but when they are say 20 and 14 it would be different. 12 or 13 is a hard age no matter how old their sibling is LOL.

There is a 4.5yr gap between DD#1 and my twins. We didn't plan it that way but it just didn't happen until then even though we started trying again when DD#1 was 11 months old. They are close. Sure DD#2 and DD#3 seem to have a special bond but they are both close to their big sister in their own way. DD#1 and DD#3 are more alike in personalities and like the same types of things while DD#1 and DD#2 both have a love of gymnastics and share that together.

[belindarama]

IME close age gaps don't guarantee closeness later. Teenagers close in age can be a bit of problem with competitiveness and being too much in each other's business.

In my family and DH's the larger age gaps led to better relationships later.

DH and his sister are 18 months apart, fought like cats and dogs as teenagers and still not close. They are both closer to their younger brother who is quite a bit younger.

My 2 sisters don't get along well at all. Again it is rooted in animosity as teenagers and a small age gap. Both get along better with me and a 5 and 3.5 year age gap.

Both my sisters spaced their children the same distance as they are from me! One sisters children are 19 and 22 and get along really well and always have. The other two are 16 and 11 and also get along well.

I have a 3.5 year age gap. This was for my sanity and to avoid the problems we have both seen in our own families. My boys actually play really nicely together despite the age gap. If we have a third there will be a similar gap and a 7 year gap from oldest to youngest. I am ok with that.

[Jess1308]

We are starting to try for our third this month. DS is 2yrs4mth DD is 9mth. The age gap we had between ours worked well, even though it was a challenge. I am lucky that I am not returning to work. I personally don't want to wait for a number of reasons my age being primary (and yes I know 34 is not that old, but for me I don't want to be having babies in my late 30's), I would like to have my child bearing days finished (although I like being pregnant) and I am of the school of thought to go hard now whilst we are in baby mode. Both my husband and I are of sibships of two so having three is going to be all new! Good luck and have fun with whatever you decide.

[my serenity]

My kids are 15 13 and 6 I preferred the massive age gap We have a commodore, a small house with little space outside The boys have been sharing a room since they were 6 and 4 we havnt had too many issues, as for space it's just a matter of getting rid Of things they really don't use or need, if my 3rd had been a boy the two youngest would have shared. If its a matter of three carseats you can get 3 in a commodore but it's a tight squeeze , with my age gap this wasn't an issue. Financially it's harder now boys are teenagers than when they were younger because of the grocery bill and high school expenses and activities.and the rate at which they are outgrowing clothes and shoes!!!! The upside my boys love their little sister they all get along and she loves having her big brothers. They can help with watching her occasionally and my oldest uses her as an excuse to play in the playground with her. She has lots Of older kids in her life who are great role models and love to spend time with her. She's a confident outgoing child with adults and kids alike and the bOnd between them is beautiful. I imagine with 3 kiddies in child care you would be working to pay for the care. You may find you will need a bigger car with more space I dont think you need a bigger house, remembering that by the time kids are in highschool they don't need inside play space as such. But the space outside Good luck with your decision

[~Mo+Moosh~]

Our third child is only 9 months old so I don't think we've fully experienced the impact financially of having three kids as he is breastfeed and we have reused a lot of our clothing etc from the older 2.

There is 3 years between the first 2 and they are either great mates or fighting just depends on the day. There is 2 years 3 months between the next 2 and I'm not sure how well they will get along as yet. So far it seems as though the oldest and youngest are drawn together. And I know in my own family I am the second of 4 children and there is 6 years between me and my next sister and she is truely one of my dearest friends (mind you I hated her passionately until she was about 17 ) . My sister who is 3 years older is not as close to me. I am also quite close with my sister who is 8 years younger and have been her whole life.

The age gaps has worked well for us though. Oldest is at school (although that doesn't actually make logistics any easier!). Second toilet trained shortly after baby arrived so really only had 2 in nappies for a very short while.

I have a great professional career so I have returned to work part time about 6 months after each baby has been born. Two in daycare is expensive but we are still in front having me work. I had intended to have a full 12 months off this time but work asked me to come back in whatever capacity I could manage so I have been doing 2 short days a week, with the help of my sister looking after the youngest. I return 3 days after Christmas.

We currently have a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 1 living room house and we are starting to feel quite cramped and the house feels cluttered (which does my head in), so we are looking to sell and upgrade in the next 6-12 months, hopefully we can stay in the same area as we are currently only 1 block away from school and its great being able to walk to drop off/pick up etc.

[RealityBites]

I have 5 year age gaps between all my kids, so I don't think 3years is a huge gap!

[threetimesblesse...]

The age gaps between my children are 3y 2m between DS1 & 2 and 4 yrs between DS2 & 3.
The first age gap was decided for us as we had some difficulty conceiving DS2.
The second age gap was due to a number of factors: DS2's medical needs with GORD, wanting DS1 to be at school, moving to a larger house and upgrading cars before even TTC our 3rd child.

I'm happy with our age gaps. DS1 & 2 play well together. DS2 does miss DS1 when he is at school but he now has DS3 to play with. DS1 loves being the one to teach the other two things.

Considering your age and DS2 being 6 months, I would wait.

Like PP have said, age gaps don't really determine whether siblings will be great friends. My DH and his brother are 3 years apart and not particularly great friends simply because they are just very different people. My brother and I are 23 months apart and good friends.