[Ally'smum]

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This post has been edited by loggedin: 12/12/2012, 09:26 AM

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

He definitely needs to get back to the counsellor. Getting angry is fairly normal but you need to learn how to deal with those feelings without impacting those around you. Swearing at people, punching walls; none of that is ok. It sounds like he doesn't handle stress well and needs to learn other ways of coping besides getting angry. Either way, definitely get back to the counsellor.

[*LucyE*]

Why do men regress to being boys?
Not all of them do.

Has anyone else had these issues?
No and I don't think that's normal or acceptable

Should he go back to thecounsellor?
Probably.

What do we do from here?
I don't know. That something for you two to work out.

[ellebelle]

He obviously kept it largely under control in front of you prior to getting married, I guess to impress you, since the rest of his family say he has always done it, so he is capable of control when not taking you for granted. I'd be sending him back to counselling with a threat about taking a break. There's no way I would want my children to witness those outbursts - it would be very scary for them.

This post has been edited by ellebelle: 11/12/2012, 03:49 PM

[HollyOllyOxenfre...]

He needs more counselling, specifically focussing on managing his anger and dealing with it appropriately. It could also be helpful for you to go together, not because you're the problem but because it could help you to learn how to help him. My DH had sessions to help anxiety earlier this year, and as I've gone through similar for myself I can gently remind him of what he needs to do if things are getting on top of him.

The extreme anger is not ok, especially in front of your child, amd I'd be telling him this and that counselling is a must

[niggles]

None of that is okay and you should make that very clear to him. It doesn't actually help him for you to tread on eggshells and may in fact enable his bad behaviour in the long run IMO by giving him a false sense of what is acceptable within a relationship. He needs real help and the best thing you can do for him is to encourage him simply and firmly to get it.

OP you might not be aware that there is a relationships forum on EB that is a little more private than WDYT, which is open to everyone including guest readers to view. Just thought I'd mention it in case you get any unhelpful replies and so you can go and read and see that while this isn't normal and healthy, you are certainly not alone.

All the best in getting the support you all need.

[WinterIsComing]

Abusive anger has nothing to do with regressing into boyhood. People abuse because it has benefits to them. In your example, you have become cautious around your H (I would not use the term DH for now), because your requests are met with angry outbursts. Swearing at you, punching walls is himself simply turning to abuse as a tool of control. So that you won't ask much.

I suggest reading "Why Does He Do It? Inside the mind of angry men."

Stop calling it tantrums, this is abuse.

[***MEZ***]

If he doesn't behave this way indiscriminately, ie at work, in front of his boss, the yes, he can control it. Don't tolerate rubbish and not everyone is depressed. Some people are just immature twats.

[It'sallgood]

OP - I know exactly how you feel.
Mine doesn't punch walls or lash out physically though...he's more of the silent, snarky and "meaningful" eyeroll looks brigade. More passive-aggressive and just retreats and does nothing or puts himself on "go slow" and just won't cooperate or do anything

I have no words of wisdom. At least you got yours to go to a counsellor. MIne came with me to a relationship counsellor for 2 visits and pulled the wool over her eyes, very well. I was being made to look the difficult one and he just lied and denied what he did....then, the next visit, she started to "get it" and put it back on him, started to see through him too.....then he refused to go anymore.

Yes, it was not like this before we had kids either. He really DID change and reverted very much back to how I see his father behaved in his parents marriage. He doesn't see it at all really...

If you can leave him and end the marriage, that's waht I'd do becuase believe me? AFter 15 odd years, I know nothing is going to change for me and I wish I'd got out years ago in many ways...but for the time being, it's just too difficult and I really am not in THAT bad a situation. but certainly in years to come, I think I'll just get to a point one day where i just can't bear it anymore and that will be that.

I'm not always adn terribly unhappy. He also has many great points and loves his kids to bits and is in many ways, a wonderful father and husband. But in terms of the "relationship" I always dreamed of having and thought I had when we married and in the years before we had kids? Nope - I dont' have that and doubt it will ever go back to that.

All the best,
Tamm

[rainycat]

I dont think there is anything little boyish about abusing you and punching walls in front of your child
I think him going back to the counsellor is the least he can do. If that behaviour was ongoing, for me, it would be a deal breaker.

Good luck!