[with the goo goo...]

If your four-year old son chose a garish rose printed fabric for a coat, what would you say? What if his second choice was Barbie pink?

I am ashamed to say that we forced ours to choose something else, without really giving a reason beyond, "hmm, that is probably more of a girl's colour." He was upset but gave in to a different design, which just happened to be blue.

It seems like we are having these little situations all the time - where we give him a choice and he selects the most "girly" option. Then we talk him out of it and into something he clearly does not like as much. And then I feel all uncomfortable that I am crushing his individuality and sense of style and kick myself for giving him the choice to start with.

I would like to say that I am not slave to gender stereotypes, but clearly I am.

So now we are planning to buy him a bike for Christmas and he has his heart set on a pretty dafodil yellow one with a white and yellow basket and white tyres. The only other one we have seen for his size is an ugly but "manly" fluro green and black number. The dafodil yellow one is a much better bike and within our price range, so surely that should be enough for us, right? But no, we are worried about our son being seen on a girls' bike.

So what would you do? Would you let him go with the pretty things and be thankful you have a sensitive son who is not into skulls and ninjas? Or would you sit him down and giving a talking to about the way the world is?

This post has been edited by with the goo goose: 10/12/2012, 07:07 PM

[WinterDancesHere]

I try and balance it. I don't give DS (3) a choice with most of his clothing when it is purchased to avoid issues, and he will normally choose based on the shirt having a dinosaur or teddy rather than colour.

When he has had a choice he has picked pink, and I am fine with him wearing his pretty pink undies out even when they will be seen, and he had pink slippers with glitter butterflies that may have even made it as far as maccas.

No one has ever been negative but I want to avoid teasing while letting him express himself.

[RealityBites]

What's wrong with yellow?

[**Xena**]

My boys' favourite colour for years was pink and they loved dolls. So they had dolls in pink prams!

As my husband said to my boys when they later came home from school saying pink was for girls "Does the colour pink have a vagina? No! So nobody can assign it a sex"

Went over their heads but had me in stitches

This post has been edited by **Xena**: 10/12/2012, 07:21 PM

[naturalgoodness]

DS2 tells me that his friends don't care what things he has and whether they are usually aimed at girls rather than boys - this is what I say to him when he is making a final decision.

As a consequence of his choices, when his friends come over (who are mainly girls) they really appreciate having good stuff to play with! We have Sylvanian Family sets mixed in with star wars light sabres and army men so his choices are not always female orientated.

I have found that as he is growing, he is moving more towards other things - I always let him go when he was younger and there appears to be no harm.

[sammyv]

I would buy the yellow bike but perhaps change the tyres to black and remove that basket. If you buy from a bike store not a department store they are more likely to do this for you.

My friends son has pillow pets, Sylvania families and other toys that are usually for girls.

[kadoodle]

My DS1 was into pink and preferred girlier options at that age. Now that he's 8, the penchant for flowers in channeled into growing and trying to crossbreed his plants.

He has met with some rubbishing from kids at school over preferring dancing over footy and cricket, but the teachers have been very proactive about stamping on anything that could have turned into bullying. He also has several good female friends and has made a couple of male friends this year with quieter boys who share his interests in sci fi.

This post has been edited by kadoodle: 10/12/2012, 07:34 PM

[Guest_3Keiki_*]

There is an excellent blogger called Mrs Woog who has a couple of amazing sons - one wonderful lad called Jack and another Harry. Jack is a treasure, and Mr and Mrs Woog are about the best parents he could have been blessed with... I recommend you give her site a look do a bit of search for her posts on Jack - not only will it have you in stitches but maybe give you an alternate way of dealing with your sons personality.
www.woogsworld.com

[RunawayPrincess]

Yet a lot of people wouldn't have an issue with their daughter dressing in "boys" clothes or playing with "boy" toys and having "boy" colours.

I don't have a son, yet, but if he wanted to play with dolls, I'd let him, like I let my girls play with trucks. If he wanted a girl coloured bike, I'd get him the girl coloured bike, like I'd let my daughters ride a boy coloured bike. If he wanted to wear girls clothes, I'd let him, like I'd let my girls wear boyish clothes.

[Ridcully]

I think that currently you are making him feel bad about himself for wanting 'girly' things not society. You'd be surprised how accepting kids really are.

Let him wear pink. And if kids (more likely adults) look at him strange or say something derogatory then defend him - he needs to know his parents will accept him no matter what.

Xena - that saying is awesome!