[♥~Bodhichitta~♥]

I'm not really sure what I am hoping to achieve with this post. Just sharing I guess, and hoping someone might be able to give me some hope.

I'm going through a rough time at the moment, and am just struggling a bit.

A brief history:

My husband left me after a 10 year marriage fraught with many problems. He left me on Valentine's day, for another woman that he lined up via online dating. During our marriage I had 4 miscarriages. Finally we had our beautiful DS. And then XH became suicidal and wanted to take both his life and our DS's. Long story, lots of other issues.

After he left I lost our house. Our DS was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (amongst a lot of other issues).

I had a head on collision into a tree (in the wet) and wrote off my car.

I have 20+ breast tumours which require constant monitoring, testing, biopsies etc.

Then earlier this year I met someone fantastic - 18 months after XH left. For the first time in my life I felt genuine happiness. And hope.

Then he "discontinued our relationship" via email. On our anniversary, and while I had gastro.

I was crushed. More so than even when XH left.

Then later this year I met someone else. He seemed fantastic, I liked him a lot. Trusted him. On Monday I found his profile on an online dating site. And we broke up.


I'm in no way feeling sorry for myself with the above. Just trying to explain how I have gotten to this point.

I guess I just look at everyone around me. With partners, and families. Happy and stable.

I am just struggling to find hope anymore. When I look at the future I just see an endless struggle day in day out.

I do have a long history of depression and anxiety. I'm currently on anti-depressants. I've seen more psychiatrists and psychologists than I can count.

So I guess I'm looking for stories of hope. Of happy endings. Of positivity.

Just trying to find reasons to keep battling through.

Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far

(please please don't quote me. There is a lot of identifying information which I will probably delete later. Thank you)

This post has been edited by ♥~Bodhichitta~♥: 09/12/2012, 08:12 AM

[Cherish]

I'm sorry you've had such a sh*t time
Life's unfair sometimes.
I hope you find the happiness you deserve very soon.

[JRA]

OP: I really don't know what to say, my heart goes out to you.

I do have to admit I read through some of your old posts, and found your blog. I love the benefits of minimilastion. I am going to show it to DH.

[*Greenbag*]

Please go to your doctor and get s referral to a psychologist. There is hope- you've just had a pile of sh*t thrown at you. It may take some assistance and therapy for you to be able to see that.

Xo.

[♥~Bodhichitta~♥]

Thank you for these replies - that does help.

It's ironic - after reaching breaking point last year I dedicated my life to helping others. And spreading kindness. And it's still something I believe passionately about (hence my blog).

I guess I'm just finding it hard right at this moment to keep going.

Thank you everyone

[gettheetoanunner...]

Please have hope.

You are making many ripples with each kind word and action.
Touching lives, which in turn, touch others.

These ripples will return ten-fold.

Hang in there Bodhichitta - the tide will turn.

[Chelli]

Thinking of you OP and hoping that things turn around for you very soon.

[♥~Bodhichitta~♥]

Thank you everyone

I was having a moment (as per my thread title). I've realised it's time to put on my big girl pants again (worn on the outside) and get back to what I do best - helping others and trying to spread light and love and kindness.

For some reason it's my karma to go through lots of yucky stuff. However that horrible stuff has also deepened my compassion and empathy and ability to help others. And I truly think that is the reason behind it.

Sometimes I just get a bit overwhelmed with it all.

[kadoodle]

You are so strong and so brave, OP. The world needs more souls like you.

[♥~Bodhichitta~♥]

Thank you Kadoodle