[WinterDancesHere]

I have edited to remove some identifying info, but hopefully left enough info for the thread to make sense. Thanks for everyones advice.

I am feeling a bit peeved with a relative who is staying with us at the moment. His options for accomodation were limited so he doesn't really have anywhere else to go.

I have asked him to chip in some money when he gets sorted to help cover his expenses.

I have also asked him to help DH with a few jobs around the place that he needs a second pair of able hands for, and if he could maybe babysit for a few hours here and there.

Do you think that is too much?

Now the problem is with communication. I told him just to make himself at home and to come and go as he pleases but let me know when he will be home so I can plan.

He is really private and therefore it is impossible to really have a conversation with him a lot of the time.

I was actually looking forward to having him here, and saw it as an opportunity to reconnect, but now think it is going to be a really long couple of months.

This post has been edited by WinterDancesHere: 07/12/2012, 11:33 PM

[Fluster]

Honestly? I'd want $100 (minimum) per week to cover expenses plus them to contribute equally to cleaning and chores. No one in our family comes and goes without giving notice, so I'd expect that, too.

Gosh, I'm mean

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

How much are you asking him to chip in? If it's enough to cover his expenses, then I think asking for babysitting is too much. He should pull his weight with housework and it would be nice if he helped out with baby sitting and other odd jobs, but I don't think it should be expected. Would also depend on the nature of his stay - holiday or otherwise?

I think it's unreasonable to ask him to contact you when he won't be home. Do your own thing and let him do his.

[stopwhiningatme]

I'd expect payment, and if they expected to keep their own hors/come and go as they pleased then I'd expect them to sort out their own meals and clean up after themselves.

[qak]

I am not sure about the baby sitting either - if he wasn't staying with you would you pick him to be a baby sitter? He doesn't really sound like a responsible person.but I certainly think he should contribute $ and help around the house

[Tigerdog]

I would have him investigate again why he can't get rent assistance. I was on it when living with my sister, you don't need a copy of a lease, all you need is for the person you are staying with to sign the form or put a letter in writing stating how much the person is paying. If I could get it when boarding with a relative then I don't see why he wouldn't be able to, unless they've tightened things up since I was receiving it (which is a possibility).

I'm with PPs, I'd be letting him come and go as he pleases, if he doesn't want to get in touch so you can plan meals then he'd probably be quite happy to just organise his own food.

This post has been edited by Tigerdog: 06/12/2012, 03:06 PM

[WinterDancesHere]

How much are you asking him to chip in? If it's enough to cover his expenses, then I think asking for babysitting is too much. He should pull his weight with housework and it would be nice if he helped out with baby sitting and other odd jobs, but I don't think it should be expected. Would also depend on the nature of his stay - holiday or otherwise?

I think it's unreasonable to ask him to contact you when he won't be home. Do your own thing and let him do his.

$50 a week, but at the moment nothing until his centrelink payments are sorted so I am covering expenses at the moment.

It isn't a holiday.

This post has been edited by WinterDancesHere: 07/12/2012, 11:34 PM

[SeaPrincess]

I think it's unreasonable to ask him to contact you when he won't be home. Do your own thing and let him do his.

See, I think this is the polite thing to do when you're living/staying with someone, regardless of the relationship.

You need to have a discussion and be very clear about what you and he think is reasonable. Have you set an amount and does his contribution include meals? If so, then if he doesn't let you know if he'll be there, stop making extra for him. Is he also contributing to bills as they come in - own phone bills, etc? If you want him to be available to babysit, set firm times or arrange the time in advance. Get DH to tell him when he plans to do the jobs you want him to help out with.

[Ehill]

I dont think you are being unreasonable. At the end of day, your home, your rules.

[WinterDancesHere]

I am not sure about the baby sitting either - if he wasn't staying with you would you pick him to be a baby sitter? He doesn't really sound like a responsible person.but I certainly think he should contribute $ and help around the house

Removed for privacy

This post has been edited by WinterDancesHere: 07/12/2012, 11:34 PM